


I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

by fitzwrites



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex and ruby are nb because why the heck not, And Lena is Weak for it, Angst, Attempt at Rom Com, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Kara is a skater boi in a band, Love Confessions, Modern AU, Romance, Sk8r Boi AU, Slow Burn, Soft af, TW: Mentions of abuse, but ultimately we're here for a good time, maybe smut??, no superpowers, non-graphic past physical/emotional abuse, theres a few other characters but I wont name them all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-05-30 12:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 75,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fitzwrites/pseuds/fitzwrites
Summary: Loosely based on the song Sk8r Boi by Avril Lavigne because I was listening to that when I got this idea.Kara was in a band traveling the world but now she's looking to settle down and live her life in peace so she moves back close to home where she runs into her childhood friend and college lover, Lena Luthor, who now has a kid. They had always been drawn to each other when they were younger, can Kara resist that pull now that she's back in Lena's life again?(hint: no she can not)ORThe story of how Kara and Lena find each other, lose each other, rinse and repeat until finally they get it right.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this story! So I haven't written anything in a long time but this came to me and I couldn't resist. This story is going to follow their relationship from first meeting as kids until they are adults. It's a modern timeline so they are adults in present time meaning they grew up in the 80s/90s (pls have the pleasure of imagining young Kara in those ridiculously large glasses from that era). The first chapter you're about to read is going to be basically an introduction to them meeting as kids and the development of their relationship so you get to see the foundation before we jump ahead a bit into the future. Not sure how many chapters it will be but I don't expect it to be a lot. Ballpark 10/20. We'll see!  
> (Updates should be around a weekly basis)

As the sun beat down over the grassy field of Midvale Elementary School, one lone pigtailed competitor squinted through the glare off her chess board trying to anticipate what her next move should be. The heat was wearing down on her, not great weather conditions for a high stakes match and the competition was even tougher. As the saying goes, you are your own worst enemy and that was proving true as the youngest Luthor went up against herself in a game of chess.

It may have looked a bit sad to an outsider but for Lena trying to outsmart her own brain it was intense. More importantly it was practice for another round against her older brother and a fighting chance to claim the title of Monthly Chess Champion.

 

After being adopted and arriving to a less than friendly home, the newest Luthor was understandably timid and reserved. Lionel had been polite with her but in a way that seemed like he was interacting with a business partner, kind but professional.

Lillian hadn’t given Lena more than a second glance before mumbling to her husband that he made an _“awfully ugly child with whatever floozy he had an affair with.”_

By the end of the day a four year old Lena was exhausted following the excitement of a new family and the reality of her disappointing cold reception. So when she found herself in the reading room of her new home accidentally interrupting someone playing a game of chess she shrunk herself down and apologized profusely, but the voice stopped her before she could make her escape.

“Do you like chess?”

She peeked up at him, a young boy with curly hair and curious eyes, and she shook her head. “I don’t know how to play.”

He beckoned her over with a wave of his hand and gestured to the seat across from him. “My name is Lex. I’m your new older brother and I haven’t had a chess partner in a while. So, as my first act as an older brother I’m going to teach you how to play the best game in the world.”

In a short while, Lex noticed that his newly adopted sister seemed to have the same affinity for the strategy game that he had so he utilized that to get the shy girl to come out of her shell a bit more. She became quite an adversary despite being nearly ten years younger which he found quite impressive.

He also proudly noted that he saw her genuinely crack a few smiles when they began playing together regularly, something that was a rarity when anyone else was around.

The Luthor house was not small by any means but Lex knew what went on in his home. Through bonding with Lena more the harsh environment they grew up in seemed to become clearer. He became aware of the extent of Lillian’s cruelty towards the child that wasn’t her blood, not that she was ever particularly discreet about it. The shouts of condemnation echoed in the empty, cavernous walls of their bleak estate; a slap to the cheek would create a reverberating wave that felt like it was shaking the very foundation of their home.

The need for some sort of refuge was a necessity.

And that is how Monthly Chess Champion came to be. The two Luthor children could hide away for a little while and put their energy and minds to something exciting and challenging.

Each week on Saturday afternoon the game would begin. One champion game per week and at the end of the month the person who won the most weeks was the champion of the month. The winner would not only have compensation of bragging rights, they would also get to choose which flavor ice cream tub to pick up from the grocery store the next day.

Lex would grab the spoons he stashed away in his room and they would share the tub of ice cream out on the edge of the pond in the back of the Luthor property far from the scolding glare of parents who most certainly wouldn’t approve of the sticky fingers and ice cream covered smiles that such an activity produced.

That is why the youngest Luthor was working so hard to concentrate on her strategy during recess periods. She lost the last month and this month she had her sights set on a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream to be her prize when she took the win this time around.

Though it may not have been as apparent to her at the time, Lena realized that there was another reason she was so committed to winning, because even though the loser still got ice cream, Lena craved the proud look and encouraging words she received when she managed to outsmart her older brother.

More than anything she wanted to make him proud and feel like she was doing something right for once. When she had his encouragement Lena felt like she actually had value which was the best possible escape from the harsh words she was being trained to direct at herself every day.

 

She set up her board on little plastic picnic table off to the side of the playground and after a series of clever moves she had the white queen surrounded.

It was in the midst of analyzing a pathway out of this bind, deep in concentration, that a looming shadow fell over the board.

Lena assumed it to be a passing cloud until a sweet candy-like smell entered her atmosphere and threw off her focus.

The first thing she picked up in her peripheral vision was a puffy, wavy mass of blonde bangs. Her brain, no longer in chess mode, shifted gears and began picking up a hundred observations about the person in front of her who, she noticed, seemed to be doing the same.

The strangers eyes appeared to be blue but they were a bit obscured by the glare off of the huge wire rimmed lenses settled atop a lightly freckled nose.

The glasses were cartoonishly large covering most of the blonde’s round face to the point that the edge of the rims nearly met the ends of her equally large, toothy gin.

“You know, you didn’t have to stop playing. I didn’t mean to distract you, I just wanted to watch! You seemed really intense there and I wanted to see which side would win. Of course, if you don’t want to be watched I’ll totally leave you alone. My mom always tells me that consent is key in any situation so I won’t watch unless you say it’s okay. I just thought you should know that I think you’re pretty cool and I totally admire your chess skills. You seem like a real master or something!”

In all her years, Lena couldn’t recall a time she’d ever heard someone speak in such an enthusiastic way like this girl did. Each word was fueled by wonder and part of one huge run-on sentence. She was reminded of her grooming as a Luthor and knew this kid wouldn’t last in minute in her house. Lena would have been scolded for speaking in such a fast paced manner.

That was the first moment she knew she liked this blonde girl. She wasn’t a disciplined cookie cutter mold like the kids of other well-to-do families Lena interacted with. This girl was different, loose, and tumbled over her words in pure excitement to get to the next.

Silence stretched on a moment longer while Lena absorbed the appearance of the blonde who took that opportunity to speak again this time quick and to the point.

“My name is Kara, what’s yours?” She followed it up with thrusting her palm out across the stretch of checkerboard between them.

Understandably, trust was not in abundance for Lena.

Trust wasn’t easy because Lena learned that a smiling face doesn’t always equal kindness. Sweet words don’t always guarantee sweet actions to follow. People are deceptive and their outer emotions can often be confusing when they seem to be portraying one thing but internally are thinking another. Luckily, her brother had taught her a trick. Every part of a person can deceive you except the eyes, he said, if you look directly into someone’s eyes their true nature will be revealed to you.

_The two siblings stood in front of a mirror together and Lex pointed to Lena’s reflection. “See Lena, your eyes are sharp in color but in character they are soft and they show your goodness. That look is how you can recognize other good people out there.” Lena stared curiously back into the eyes of her reflection trying to commit the look to memory and when she was satisfied she tugged at her brothers hand and proudly declared “You have them too, Lex. I can see it. I’m sure of it.”_

Lena eyed the hand warily and flicked her eyes back up just in time to catch Kara tilting her head down. The move allowed the glare to fall away from her glasses giving Lena a full, uninhibited view of the sparkling blue eyes underneath.

And that was the second moment Lena was certain she liked Kara.

Lena would recognize soft eyes anywhere and she saw in Kara’s what Lex had shown her that day.

Kindness.

It was laid bare in the bright blue color, settled into every crinkle that gathered at the corner of her eyes. There was no deception here. This was someone she could trust.

So she reached out and met Kara’s unwavering hand and was delighted by the firm handshake Kara offered. A “business-ready” handshake as Lionel had once described while teaching Lena how to properly introduce herself.

“I’m Lena. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kara. Would like to play a round with me?”

And with an answering grin the deal was sealed.

 

\-----------

 

Despite being two years older, Kara could always be seen hanging with Lena, eating lunch with Lena, playing chess with Lena, coaxing Lena onto the swings to help her get over her fear of heights.

Kara’s other friends whined when she went to go hang out with Lena at recess wondering why anyone would willingly play with the younger kids. Kara simply shrugged and informed them that Lena was just different. She didn’t try to explain much further as she didn’t feel the need to justify her friendships, but looking back she also didn’t think her eight year old brain had the right vocabulary to describe being so drawn to another human just yet.

It wasn’t until a few years later that a twelve year old Kara would learn a word that seemed to fit close to what she felt.

Alex had come home with a dreamy look in their eyes and described the concept of romantic or platonic soulmates to Kara as they sat together on the roof of their Midvale home. They would explain that it wasn’t a definite thing, that no one was known to have any real proven soulmate markings or anything, it was just a feeling. There would come a time that even just existing around another person felt safe and right and that’s how you could tell.

Kara found the concept intriguing for a number of reasons.

First of all, nothing in the world ever made tough-as-bricks Alex Danvers dreamy-eyed like they were that night so anything that brought her older sibling such a feeling made Kara infinitely curious.

It was also a concept that seemed to coincide with what she felt around Lena Luthor.

Romance was a relatively foreign concept to her at that point. She was aware of people in school having crushes on each other and getting into cheesy middle school relationships. And she had seen a fair amount of romantic Disney movies and rom coms during movie nights with Lena though they still both scrunched their noses at long kissing scenes. So Kara assumed if they were soulmates that it was platonic.

She didn’t have quite enough information to conclude anything but the thought of it excited her. Imagine being lucky enough to know that you and your best friend were meant to be there for each other for life!

Kara couldn’t think of anything better.

Any time spent with Lena was time well spent. In particular, Kara treasured being able to curl up with her best friend in a tangle of limbs under a bigger tangle of blankets and pillows for a movie day. Watching movies wasn’t a commonplace in the Luthor household so it was Kara’s self-appointed duty to show Lena all the must-see films. It was intended to be a fairly mindless form of entertainment but since Kara often saw the movies before Lena, her brain tended to drift focus from the screen instead choosing to catalogue to flowery smell of peonies coming from Lena’s dark hair, or how she felt the most safe when melded into Lena’s side on the couch in the Danvers’ living room.

If they were especially lucky Lena would get to stay a little later and join the Danvers family for dinner, enjoying Eliza’s amazing cooking, playful banter with Alex and secret smiles with Kara as they both looked forward to how the night would end with them lying hand in hand on the baby blue carpet of Kara’s room to share just about any thought that came to mind.

Lena was a fascinating person to listen to. Her knowledge of science was already flourishing beyond what was normal for her age and Kara found all the new information to be wildly exciting.

These nights were also one of the few times Kara could let herself go and talk about anything and everything on her mind. She knew she was a talkative person; she liked to be around people, socialize, and make new friends, but she could tell there were times when her friends and family were tiring of her tangents. Blank eyes and dismissive nods would become more frequent and she could tell they were itching for the conversation to end. It was more than a bit discouraging at times.

With Lena she always felt heard.

When she spoke she could count on Lena smiling back at her, clearly directing all of her attention toward Kara in an intent gaze. Even if they were laying on their back with their eyes to the ceiling she could feel that Lena was taking care to listen, giving Kara’s hand reassuring squeezes to encourage her to keep going on days that Lena was feeling a bit quiet.

Lena’s favorite part of those late nights at the Danvers house came when Kara turned thirteen and used some of the money she saved up to buy a four stringed acoustic bass guitar for her birthday. Kara sought to learn the in’s and out’s of her instrument as tenaciously as Lena practiced chess. The music took over her like a fever and once she got the hang of the bass she was on to the next instrument learning some piano, cello, guitar and dabbling in many others.

No matter where she found herself next, she always came back to the bass though. It had been her first instrument and she had even gotten it all on her own, they just had a connection unlike the other instruments. Plus she knew that while Lena would express her fondness for anything Kara played the bass was her favorite too.

Music captivated Kara so much so that Alex joked at dinner one night that music was the only thing that could keep Kara’s focus for more than five minutes. It was an exaggeration of course, but the table erupted in assenting laughter.

Kara blushed and turned her attention to pushing her food around her plate, clearly feeling sheepish. It was true that her attention wasn’t easily kept if it was something she wasn’t invested in but Kara didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. Why devote your time and focus to something if it isn’t worthwhile?

Lena shot her a sympathetic look across the table and Kara felt her stomach jump as if trying to reach out to her best friend. Lena was an ever present force and she understood Kara in a way that just felt special. The word special didn’t quite feel like it accurately described their connection but it was hard to find a word that would fit. Her brain conjured up the word ‘soulmate’ and the hair on Kara’s arms raised. That word had been a pesky thought crossing her mind more frequently since Alex mentioned it but it was an abstract feeling that she still didn’t know how to process.

Kara shook her head and turned her attention back to her plate of spaghetti.

In the back of her mind there was a lingering thought that knew Alex was wrong. Music wasn’t the only thing that captivated her so completely because the other was Lena Luthor.

 

Later that night Kara sat leaning her back against the side of her bed, legs stretched out with her bass on one thigh and Lena’s head on the other.

It was clear from the beginning that Kara had a strong connection with music and it was really kind of magical to watch her determination to grow and create. Lena often thought to herself that she may not have been dealt the best hand in her home life but she was endlessly fortunate to be friends with Kara and get to witness the passionate way in which Kara interacted with her instruments. Lena tried not to ever disturb Kara while she was playing, preferring to just lay back and soak in the rich notes vibrating through her body. Though tonight she had an itch of distress that she couldn't shake and if there was ever an opportunity to talk about it without judgement, that was with Kara in the privacy of her room.

“Kara?” The question was near a whisper.

She waited until she got a quiet hum in response. Kara seemed to be in complete bliss when Lena looked up from her place on Kara’s lap. It felt almost sinful to break the peaceful bubble that surrounded them but she thought she might explode if she held in her anxiety any longer.

“Will I still get to see you when we go back to school in the fall?”

It was a question that had been plaguing Lena for the whole summer and now that they were winding into the last few weeks before classes started again she couldn’t keep a lid on the anxiety that was churning her insides with each passing day.

Kara, to her credit, didn’t hesitate for even a second, “Of course you’ll see me. You’re stuck with me, Lee.”

A broad smile accompanied her answer to ease Lena’s nerves and after a few moments of silence Kara began fiddling with her strings again but Lena couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling in her stomach. She knew Kara cared about her but her fear was overpowering.

“Well… obviously I know you always hang out with me now and I’m probably a little spoiled with how much I get to see you but next year isn’t going to be like every other year where we see each other at school every day. You’re going to be a ninth year next year and the ninth years all move to Midvale High. We won’t be in the same school anymore, Kara.”

She paused for a breath and when Kara didn’t immediately respond she found words tumbling out of her mouth again.

“I mean, I completely understand if you won’t be able to have time for me because you’ll be in high school and things will get busier. You’ll be meeting a bunch of new kids, making new friends and on top of it all you’ll be getting ready for university soon! So I guess what i’m saying is I don’t blame you if we can’t see each other.”

Lena sucked in another deep breath, not used to rambling in such Kara-like fashion. It was just a bit hard to control herself when her anxiety was behind the wheel. The reasonable part of her knew Kara and knew that the Kara that she had come to adore would never let something like this stop her from seeing Lena as often as possible. But the other restless side of her was intimately acquainted with loss and she could feel it actively beginning to build up an armor to face the inevitable ending to this.

Kara breathed out a sigh, lifted her bass up off her lap and laid it to the side. She gave Lena’s arm a gentle tug until they were sat side by side, shoulder to shoulder.

“Lee, Just because I’m at a different school doesn’t mean I’m going to just forget about you. You’re my best friend! I couldn’t even dream of not seeing you for that long.” Kara shifted to lean her side against the bed so she could look at Lena better and show her that her attention wasn’t anywhere else.

“We’ve been friends for six years now and I feel closer to you than anyone else in the world. But, I don’t want to just dismiss your worry and tell you I think you’re wrong, that I’ll always be there because I know you and I know you never say anything without reason or purpose. What’s going on? What’s going through your brain, Lena.” She punctuated the question with a nudge to Lena’s hand, quietly encouraging her to share what was behind these feelings.

Lena bit her lip and studied Kara’s gaze for a few moments, making note of the genuine care and concern in the upward curve of her glossed lips and the crinkle between blonde brows.

These four walls were safe. The atmosphere was soft and the eyes watching her were open to receive without judgement.

“I just- It’s just that I’ve been here before. When Lex was in high school he didn’t have as much time to hang out with his little sister. We used to play chess together so much I was surprised he wasn’t sick of me. Then suddenly every time I’d go knocking on his door he had a test to study for or a paper to write. Time flew by and he was graduating and off to university where now months pass without seeing his face. There are times when all I get from him is maybe one letter and a phone call each month. And I know he’s doing things he is excited about, he’s learning and growing so I can’t really blame him. It makes me feel so selfish for feeling sad that I don’t see him.”

She laid her hand on top of Kara’s and forced herself to keep looking up in spite of the embarrassed blush on her face that was blooming as she shared her vulnerability. She felt needy and every part of her was rioting against it. Needing things from other people wasn’t something she was taught how to process properly as a kid. It was a weakness, something her adoptive parents were determined to be train out of her.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared that the same thing is going to happen with you, and I… you’re just really important Kara.”

Another jolt shot through Kara’s body and this time she let it take her over. There was no kitchen table between them so she brought Lena’s hand into her lap and shifted herself closer. She pressed her legs against the warmth of Lena’s and took a steadying breath, debating how much of what was going through her mind she should actually say.

“You know, you’re important too Lena. You are so important to me and I’m sure it’s the same for Lex. He might be a little busy but I’m certain he doesn’t love you any less. And as for me, I won’t leave you hanging like that. I wouldn't dream of it. There’s… there are some people you just feel a connection to, people you feel drawn to. It’s something Alex told me about. Those people are meant to be in your life and you are one of those people for me. I think we are meant to be each other’s best friend. I won’t stop being there for you Lena. Plus it’ll only be a year of different schools. Next year you’ll be a ninth year too and I’ll get to bother you every day again!”

Finally Lena’s mouth turned up in a relaxed smile and she tossed her arms around Kara’s shoulder, leaving her laughing as the force knocked them both over onto the floor.

Lena wasn’t quite sure how to express her gratitude so she mumbled a quiet thank you into Kara’s hair and squeezed just a little bit tighter in hopes that it got her message across.

When it was time for Lena to go home, Kara pulled her in for another tight hug and whispered a promise that, in her naive youth, she was convinced she would never break.

“I’ll never let something like a little distance get in the way of seeing my favorite person.”

Kara had never been insincere with her and she spoke with such conviction that Lena felt almost all of her doubt subsiding. Her only grave mistake in trusting was that she didn't take into account powers out of their control.

 

\---------------

 

A year passed in the blink of an eye and as promised, it felt nearly just like every other year. Kara would come home and talk about her new school, new people, and new teachers, giving Lena the inside scoop of what to expect when she entered Midvale High next year. Besides that, everything remained the same. Movie nights were had, memories were made, Kara learned more new music and Lena never went a week without hearing Kara’s beautiful talent.

Soon enough it was summer again and the tension of school melted off their shoulders under the summer sun. Kara and Lena were in a world of their own and Lena let herself relax into it, following Kara into whatever adventure she’d found for them that day.

One month into summer break Lena got a reality check and for the first time in her life realized that Lillian might have been right when she told Lena never to let her guard down.

She had said it was better to steel yourself and be prepared for the pain so when it hits it just washes right down like rain off an umbrella.

Lillian barged into Lena’s room without knocking as per usual. Lena often wondered if it was because she was trying to catch Lena doing something she could be punished for or if Lillian was really just that dense that knocking wasn’t a concept to her.

She tossed a checkered skirt, purple polo and packet of papers onto Lena’s bed and gave Lena her obligatory disapproving once-over before addressing her. “This is your uniform and summer assignment listing for your school next year. I expect you to read and complete those assignments thoroughly as they will be your first impression on the teachers and the school. I will not have you making my family look a fool with any incompetence.”

Lena scrunched her nose in confusion at the unflattering uniform. _What was Lillian talking about? Midvale High didn’t have uniforms, Kara would have told her about that._

“Mother, Midvale High doesn’t have uniforms. Kara never had to wear one last year. Is this some sort of new rule?”

Lillian paused in the doorway to Lena’s room and scoffed at her daughter. “You thought I was going to let you go to that low-life, greasy place? Lena, you must be more daft that I thought you were. That uniform is for Saint Catherine’s School for Girls, a much more respectable establishment. You may not be my child but you are still a representative of the Luthor name and you need a much more strict and rigorous education than some sloppy public school if I’m going to have you being an image of my family. Plus, the international experience will be good for you.”

“International?” Lena nearly choked on the word. “Where the hell is this school?!”

She rarely raised her voice to Lillian because it came with grave consequence but she suspected the clear alarm in her voice gave Lillian enough pleasure that she let it go this time.

“It’s in Ireland. I have a connection with the headmaster there and they are looking forward to having you. And do watch your language Lena. I know I let you hang around public school riff-raff in your elementary years but that kind of mouth won’t be tolerated at your new school.”

The view of Lillian retreating from her bedroom door was blurry as the edges of her vision seemed to be shrinking to black. Lena dropped the book she was reading and picked up the packet, flipping through the pages frantically, unable to absorb anything as the words blurred together and the paper became wet with her tears.

In the aftermath she found herself huddled in the safety of Kara’s arms for reassurance. She laid on Kara’s bed with her friends arm around her rubbing soothing circles on her back. Kara was doing her best to give comfort and convince Lena that it would be alright but Lena could feel her shaking with choked back sobs as well.

Kara reasoned that at least they had the rest of he summer to spend together and prepare which did sound nice but the rest of their time passed in a very unfamiliar manner. Nearly every day was spent at the Danvers house but now she would get a sad smile from Eliza and Jeremiah who politely tried to avoid the _‘ireland conversation_.’ Alex was more hesitant in their joking and teasing. Her time with Kara was still precious but it was usually broken up by stretches of contemplative silence or a few tears shed here and there.

Kara did her best to learn only upbeat songs to share with Lena on her bass, even singing for her a few times which she was still too embarrassed to do in front of most other people. Nonetheless her voice was divine and gave Lena some temporary peace. It was one of the few things that could ebb away at her gnawing anxiety for the future.

Unfortunately, nothing could truly stop the future from eventually coming and by the second week of August Lena was being ushered onto a plane to Ireland with just herself, a few bags of belongings and no one waving tearfully or telling her how much they’d miss her. Lillian had dropped her at the door of the airport an hour earlier and left her with a sentiment along the lines of _‘don't screw it up._ ’

The only thing she had to hold onto to as she began her lonely journey was the tear-filled goodbye she had with Kara the night before when Kara had rode her bike to Lena’s house and miraculously managed to climb her way to the tiny balcony of Lena’s bedroom in the dark.

Lena nearly screamed when she heard a knock on her second floor window but eased when she was greeted by messy blonde hair and blue eyes behind wide frames which Kara had, by now, mostly grown into.

She climbed into the window and pulled a bag off of her shoulder like some kind of Santa Claus. She reached in and pulled out, first, a mason jar filled with little strips of colorful paper. Each one had a short note of happy thoughts or memories they had shared.

“For when you’re feeling lonely and I’m not there to cheer you up.” Kara explained.

The Danvers house had a landline phone that Kara knew she would be able to call Lena although international calls would be a bit pricey. They also weren’t sure what kind of phone access Lena would have over at her school or how often they might be able to talk outside of letters. So Kara thought it was important that Lena have other ways to feel her best friend’s support in between calls and letters.

Next, Kara pulled out her thick, blue Midvale track sweatshirt, insisting that Lena have it for when she needed to feel closer to her best friend because, as Kara argued, wearing it would be like Kara was hugging her from across the ocean.

Lena felt tears prickling at her eyes as she took it gratefully and folded it carefully into her suitcase. She knew it was an essential part of Kara’s lazy day wardrobe so the fact that she was parting with it said a lot.

At last, Kara reached to the bottom of her bag and produced two cassette tapes. “This one has our favorites on it. All the classics. Wannabe, Bittersweet Symphony, Come to My Window, Good Riddance, and a bunch more.”

A shy look took over her face as she handed over the second cassette. “This one… this one is a tape I made of a song I’ve been writing. I was thinking about you and how much I’d miss you and it just… It’s nowhere near complete at all, just a draft. But you won’t be around for the whole creation process so I wanted you to hear a little bit of it now. There’s only one rule. You can’t listen to it until you’re in Ireland because I’m still really embarrassed about it and I’m not sure if it’s any good.”

Everything felt a little overwhelming and uncertain for Lena in the last few months but that moment made her feel like it might actually be okay because even if everything was chaos right now, Kara was sweet and caring and climbed a damn tree in the middle of the night just to say goodbye to her and Lena was lucky enough to call that girl her best friend.

She tucked the cassettes gently into a place she would remember them. Now there was something to look forward to in Ireland and she was sure that whatever Kara created was going to sound beautiful.

After what felt like the world’s longest hug, Kara declared that she should probably get back home before someone found out what she did and got her in trouble. She slung the bag back over her shoulder and moved toward the window with Lena just a step behind her. She had one leg over the windowsill when Lena called out.

“Wait!”

She ran back to her suitcase and dug through, pulling out a thick sweater with a cheesy science pun on it that she had raided from the clothes Lex left behind when he went to college. It was big on her so she knew it would fit Kara who had recently grown quite a bit taller than Lena. She shoved the sweater into Kara’s bag and zipped it up.

“Now it can feel like I’m hugging you back. It’s only fair.” Lena grinned and Kara mirrored it right back. “Alright now you’re free to go. And please be careful Kara! You do have a knack for finding trouble.”

Kara scoffed jokingly, “Please, safety is my middle name Lee.”

She immediately contradicted her statement as she jumped out the window and onto the tree next to Lena’s balcony in an impressive show of agility. “See you in a few months!”

Lena waved and closed the window behind her with a smile so wide her cheeks hurt. She flopped down onto her bed and watched the ceiling fan spin until it lulled her to a peaceful sleep.

If she had known what the next few years had in store she would have stayed at the window and watched until Kara was just a speck in the distance, but she was blissfully unaware in that moment that it was the last time she would see Kara for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> The songs referenced in there are:  
> Good Riddance - Green Day  
> Come to My Window - Melissa Ethridge  
> Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve  
> Wannabe - Spice Girls 
> 
> Any comments, concerns or critiques are welcome :)


	2. We Meet Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! This is a Lena-heavy chapter. We see a little more of her internal thoughts and her relationships with other people as she begins university. Still setting up for everything to fall into place. Don't worry, there will be some Kara in this chapter and then more in the next. Speaking of, the next chapter should be coming at you in a week from this update. Anyway, hope you enjoy this or at the very least have a good day!

Airports, a necessary evil in the modern world.

Also the very place Lena currently found herself navigating. National City International Airport to be exact, a fantastic newly renovated facility that thankfully included newly renovated public restrooms. However, Lena found herself not enjoying the bright new tile flooring or fresh painted murals because she was trapped at the baggage retrieval next to a man who was very rudely blasting the news on his portable radio without a care for the eardrums of anyone around him.

“It’s another beautiful day here in National City, temperatures are reaching a high of eighty-six degrees Fahrenheit today and those temperatures will continue to rise as the week continues, folks. Luckily the weekend will bring a bit of rain to cool it all off before the Summer Festival Parade of August fifteenth.”

Lena rubbed at her temples for a fifth time trying futilely to block out the grainy robust radio voice. She nearly moaned in relief when her suitcase finally dropped from the chute and freed her.

She strode briskly from the blaring static and towards the sunny oasis that lay beyond glass doors. Thankfully, one of the few perks of being a Luthor meant that she wouldn’t have to sit around and wait for a noisy taxi. There would be a card with her name on it and a private driver along with that to take her bags and bring her home.

When the doors were in sight Lena began seeing people rushing to meet loved ones waiting with flowers and kisses that made her heart squeeze with longing. It certainly created a bit of a spectacle that Lena wasn’t always fond of but part of her wished, for once, there would be someone waiting to pick her up, swing her around and tell her that they missed her so much. Of course, it wasn’t like Lillian was going to stop what she was doing to come pick up her adoptive daughter from the airport even though this was practically the first time she would be back in the states since she left four years ago for school.

Lena had come back for the winter holiday in her first year of high school to see her brother but Lena was only home for a short time before the Luthors swept her away to Metropolis for the holiday. It had already been a bummer that she didn't see her best friend, then, Lex came into her room one night and told her about his plans to move to Metropolis permanently and explained that he and one of his college buddies had some business plans to work out that would make him pretty unavailable to come around the Midvale estate for holidays much.

Being home without Lex as a buffer between Lena and Lillian would make coming home a thousand times more insufferable. Tensions would rise and without the golden boy around Lillian would direct her attention toward Lena. Even at the age of 13 Lena was well aware that Lillian’s abuse was causing her a host of issues to cope with so she certainly didn’t fancy having to deal with that negative attention with no Lex to save her.

When she returned to Ireland after the break, Lena thought about not going home for spring holiday or maybe asking Kara if she could stay over at the Danvers house to give her a haven away from home. Her decision was made for her a few days later when Lillian called and informed Lena that she wouldn’t be wasting the money to bring Lena back home until she had the degree to show for herself even though Lena knew damn well they had the money to waste.

Beyond that first winter, Lena hadn’t been back except for two days in her third year of school for Lionel’s funeral. There had been barely enough time to settle and mourn her father before she was sitting back in a classroom trying to focus on a lecture about the properties of various chemicals.

Regardless, although she obtained the necessary degree to signify she was done with Saint Catherine’s and high school for good, Lena wasn’t expecting any sort of fanfare when she arrived back in the states.

The light from outside filtered in from the glass doors and Lena squinted through the brightness to scan the room for her name. Finally, a board bearing the name ‘Lena Luthor’ was spotted in the hands of a smartly dressed man in a grey suit. It was much nicer than anything she had seen chauffeurs wear before and Lena had seen her fair share of chauffeurs in her life. She followed the driver’s blue neck tie up to find a bright smile and thinning curly hair at the end

“Lex?”

“Lena!”

The name card fell to the ground and her brother’s arms spread open wide as Lena abandoned her bags and ran to meet his embrace. He had gotten a bit big and muscly since their childhood but the force of her hug still caused him to wobble a bit.

“Hey Kiddo, congrats on the graduation!” A kiss was pressed to the crown of her head and Lena slumped into Lex’s arms, letting her body relax for a few blissful moments.

As she took in her brother’s cinnamon scented cologne and solid hug, Lena began to feel the weight of her loneliness finally hitting her. She hadn’t been completely friendless at school but she hadn’t gained any real friends that she intended on keeping contact with during her high school years. It had been pretty difficult to bond with the other girls at Saint Catherine’s. They were all cut from the same cloth, and a very wealthy one at that. When Lex had called asking if she’d made any good friends yet she simply joked that they were all too snobbish and gossipy for her taste. And while that was somewhat true, Lena had still felt a bit too vulnerable to admit to him the real reason.

No one compared to Kara. And even though she hadn’t heard from Kara in three years that was still the standard that Lena held people to. Unfortunately, no one was a genuine or kind or funny. No one else had watched her grow up, no one had been there with her through all of her first accomplishments and first failures. No one else had been her constant rock of comfort or smelled like home like Kara did.

With that thought, she dragged herself out of the melancholy thoughts and back to her brother. There was no time to waste dwelling on the past. Everything was temporary anyway and Lena wanted to focus on the present, especially when the brother she never got to see anymore was finally here at her disposal.

“Lex, what the _hell_ are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Metropolis this weekend making some big break on your project? I mean, don’t get me wrong I’m ecstatic to see you, I was just under the impression no one had the time…”

Lena could see his smile dim a bit, no doubt a result of the guilt she knew he felt about not being there for his sister more but he covered it quickly and moved to grab Lena’s bags from behind her. “Well, if there isn’t time for something in your schedule then you just have to make time. Seriously, this is a special day for you, Lena! How could I miss the day you’re finally freed from quarantine in potato land?”

Lena scoffed and shoved her brother playfully. “As a resident of potato land for the last four years, I take offense to that.”

Lex grinned and nodded his head for her to follow him out to the Cadillac Escalade waiting outside. Lena was relieved that even though Lex had the taste of a rich man he was still sensible enough to bring a big car and not some tiny sports car to pick her up in. He threw the two suitcases into the backseat, allowing Lena to get a glimpse of the interior which appeared to be filled with boxes of stuff.

She hopped into the front seat next to her brother and pulled the seatbelt across her chest. “So, what’s with all the boxes back there? Are you moving? Getting rid of some stuff?”

Lena noticed her brother’s eyes flicking over the road nervously while his hands fidgeted and rubbed the leather underneath his hands anxiously as he hesitated in answering her. Even more curious, as he pulled out of the airport he started driving in the opposite direction of the Midvale Luthor estate. Lena was about the question if he had somehow forgotten where they lived in the last four years when he finally found his words.

“Okay so… I know I did this without telling you and you’re not super big on surprises-“

“Lex, you do know that ninety percent of the time you start a sentence like that the person on the receiving end is not going to like whatever you did?” Lena shot him a suspicious glare that she knew he could feel even though he wasn’t looking at her. But Lex just chuckled and shook his head.

“I know, I know but just hear me out! I really think you’ll like this one. See, I knew you’d be coming home today and you would have to make the trip back to get all your stuff from Midvale before you move into your college dorm which would ultimately mean a few hours alone with mom. So I took the liberty of going over there, getting all your stuff together and packing it so I could take you right to University myself. No stopping at home, no worrying about mom nitpicking at your outfit or whatever, just a little time with your older brother who knows he maybe hasn’t been the best brother lately.”

The sheepish look on his face showed his genuine remorse for not being more accessible. Lena knew they weren’t kids anymore and that meant that things would be different. People would be busier and priorities would change but she also knew that the house they grew up in had such little tolerance for idleness. Sure, they enjoyed the comfort of wealth but that didn’t mean they could just sit around and mooch off the Luthor fortune. The standards for work and work ethic were stifling at times.

While Lena was away in Ireland Lillian didn’t give her a second thought probably grateful she didn’t have to look at the product of her husband’s unfaithfulness. But when grade reports were sent home Lena knew to expect a berating phone call if her grades were anything less than perfection.

As a kid Lena watched Lex through high school and some of his college years and she saw the same ire unleashed on her brother many times. Some days she wondered if it was any better that Lex’s reprimand came fueled by some odd form of love while Lena’s was born right from pure malice. There were times Lena even felt more fortunate that at least she was given straightforward resentment while Lex had to deal with conflicting messages of a twisted love.

No matter, there isn’t a way to quantify the pain nor does it solve anything to compare one person’s pain to another. Lena knew they would both likely be dealing with the consequences of their abuses for quite a while. And that meant sometimes work would be prioritized over all else. It was how they were taught and Lena just had to come to terms with that. She was trying.

She knew Lex was busy and it meant so much that he had even taken the time to come down from Metropolis just to pick her up from the airport and take her to University so she swallowed the needy feeling crawling up her throat and let herself enjoy the time she was given.

“You may not have been doing the best before but this definitely puts you up for brother of the year in my book. Honestly though Lex, this really made my day. I couldn’t thank you enough. And even without the gestures, I’m just happy to see you.”

It felt like the kind of heartfelt conversation more suited for meaningful eye contact rather than side by side staring at the freeway ahead so Lena compensated by reaching over the console to place a hand on her brother’s arm. “Truly, thank you for being here.”

Lex took his eyes off the road momentarily, just brief enough to give her an affectionate smile in return.

“Okay kid, ready or not, here we are. National City University! The home of your next thousand hangovers.” Lex clapped a hand on Lena’s shoulder and threw her a wink before getting out to open the trunk while Lena grabbed a cart from the front of the residence hall. Upon her return she found Lex free of his suit jacket and tie, rolling up his sleeves.

She raised an eyebrow but he merely brushed off her smirk. “Listen, it’s a nice suit. I’m not trying to ruin some good Armani product here.”

A snarky comment rose to Lena’s lips but she bit it down. In business and science, Lex was creative in such an unconventional, wild way that made Lena marvel at his ideas but that was just about the only untamed thing about him. In particular, he was always impeccable about his appearance, another side effect of strict upbringing but also a way to market himself better in the business world. Either way, Lena knew he took great care in his appearance and she wasn’t about to mock him for it. It was just a bit funny to her that anyone would willingly wear a thousand-dollar suit to help their sister move into college. _‘Everyone’s got their quirks I suppose.’_

“Honestly, I’m surprised you’re willing to do the dirty work and get sweaty with me in the first place so consider me impressed.” Lena shuffled to his side and grabbed a box from the trunk.

“Actually, I did hire someone to carry all your shit from your room to my car so that takes away a bit of the impressiveness of my gesture. But I thought we could do this part by ourselves, get a little bonding time and it gives me an excuse to skip the gym today because I’ll be getting my workout doing all this lifting.” He flexed his arm and added a mocking wink for good measure. “It’ll be a good workout for you too, Lena. Getting some muscle on those bones will really help with winning over the college ladies.”

Lena groaned and began dragging the cart of boxes up the ramp toward her new home, steadfastly avoiding talking to her brother about the state of her relationships. “I refuse to even dignify that with an answer. I am _not_ talking about my love life with you right now.”

Lex snorted and shouted after her, “Can’t talk about it if it doesn’t exist!”

He laughed harder when he received just a middle finger over the shoulder in response.

 

 

By the time all the boxes were unloaded in her new room and most of the essentials were set up, the banter was flowing freely. The siblings slumped down on the stiff cot and leant against the wall sharing bits and pieces of what life had been like, reminiscing about past shenanigans in their Midvale home.

Lena would be eternally grateful that despite the long stretches of time between their visits, Lex’s sense of humor never wavered. They fell back into their close relationship fairly smoothly every time. Not even their age gap pushed them apart. Lex was out of university trying to make a career for himself and Lena was just entering adulthood with her eighteenth birthday passing a few months prior. Lena suspected that closeness was also a byproduct of the harsh environment they grew up in, it was the kind of place that demanded an ally to survive. Lex had been her ally through all of it and as they sat shoulder to shoulder on that uncomfortable dormitory bed, she hoped that would never change.

The serenity was finally broken when Lex sat up with a labored grunt and began pulling his suit jacket back on. Lena felt her chest grow heavy again as she realized their time was coming to an end but she asked anyway.

“Are you leaving already? You don’t want to stay for dinner? Maybe get some ice cream or something?”

Some small part of her hoped the mention of ice cream and what it used to mean to them would entice him. Maybe it would snap him out of his business-soaked mind and he would tell Lena that she was more important than whatever meeting with bland rich guy number five he was about to go to. Maybe he would change his mind just this once to give her more than just a few hours of his time. But he was a Luthor child and if there was a waking moment it was meant to be utilized for progress and profit because if not, you’re merely wasting precious time.

His eyebrows drew up and his mouth turned down in a sad smile as he fixed his tie and began fitting the expensive cufflinks back onto his chore-wrinkled sleeves. “I’m sorry Lena. I just- I really can’t miss this meeting. I have a flight to catch in an hour. This could be the one for me. I’ve been striking out with investors left and right but I have a really good feeling about this guy. He could be the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.”

It was a tired pitch Lena had heard too many times already. Every new investor was _‘the one’_ for him and the cycle was relentless. Lena knew better than to protest by now. She puffed out a sigh and pushed off the bed to pull her hoodie on. “It’s alright, I get it. Let me walk you out at least.”

On the way back down, the elevator seemed even smaller with the thick silence surrounding them and yet at the same time Lena felt like there were miles between her and Lex. The uncertainty of when their next encounter would be weighed heavily on her shoulders, only to get heavier as the distance between them grew. _‘Who needs the gym when you’ve got all this emotional weight to carry.’_

Lena stood on her toes, pulled her brother into one last tight hug and whispered wishes of luck into his shoulder. “Have a safe flight home and please, please call me when you’re there so I know you are safe.”

“I’ll call as soon as my feet step through my doorway.” He kissed her head and gave another smile as he hopped in the car. The last words he shouted through the window were a promise to _‘see you soon’_ and he made a cliché exit as his car shrunk into the sunset horizon.

Once the car disappeared from view Lena sagged down onto the steps of her new home and stared blearily into the empty parking lot. She knew all too well that such a promise was hardly one to believe in anymore.

That night she had fitful sleep filled with dreams of those three words echoing and flashes of blonde hair whipping always just out of her reach.

 

 

A strained grunt and string of undignified profanities would become the first sounds Lena would wake up to in her new home. They were muffled and Lena almost thought she was still dreaming until the door slammed open, doorknob crashing into the brick wall so hard she feared it might have broken.

The intrusion shot her into the waking world faster than any coffee could and she fumbled to grab a pen from her desk, the first object she saw that might be used to defend herself from an attacker.

A brief spark of vanity flashed through her as she thought of her wild bed-head and the smudged makeup that definitely framed her eyes from the silent tears she totally didn’t cry last night. If she was ever going to be murdered, she’d be damned if she went out looking a mess.

The intruder made eye contact with Lena over the box they were carrying and they both paused as Lena noticed the look of terror in the stranger’s eyes as well.

“Oh FUCK! Oh my god.” The box fell to the floor revealing a fairly unintimidating, rather attractive brunette. “I had no idea you already moved in, I thought I was the only one here! FUCK, you scared me.” Their words ended with a breathy chuckle, exhaling the last of the fright.

“Roommate?” Lena mumbled dumbly, pen in hand now hanging limp at her side. When the stranger gave her a confused smile Lena shook her head and sat up a bit straighter to address her company better. “Um, sorry I’m a little tired still. I meant, are you my roommate?”

“As long as you’re also meant to be in room 442A I am indeed the person you’re stuck with for the rest of the year.” They reached down, picked up the box and set it on their desk, then strode over to Lena’s bedside and stuck out their hand.

“My name is Sam Arias. I’m from New York. And I use she/her pronouns.”

“Oh, uhhh, same. I mean, same pronouns. My name is Lena Luthor.” Lena took the hand while her other rubbed at her eyes to get the last of the sleepiness out of them.

Sam was regarding her with a surprisingly genuine warm smile as if they were already good friends. Lena had a moment more of almost enjoying that attention before she remembered the state of herself and broke the handshake to fight her hair into a loose bun. “Sorry I look like such a mess right now, you caught me at… well, not my best moment.”

Sam shook her head and turned back to rummage through her stuff. “Please, no worries; you don’t have to look any sort of way for me. If anything, I think I should be apologizing for scaring you first thing in the morning. Not my best moment either, I’d have to say.”

“Quite an entrance though.” Lena mumbled as she sorted through her own boxes for something to wear.

Sam threw her a grin over her shoulder. “Quite an entrance indeed. But hey, at least I’ve made an impression right? You’ll never forget that time your roommate scared the shit out of you on the first day we met. It’’ll make a great story to tell later when we’re best friends. Especially the bit where you chose a ballpoint pen as your ideal weapon.”

The words ‘best friends’ made Lena freeze. It was a bit startling to have someone already planning to be her friend when they’d only met five minutes ago. Plus, this wasn’t Saint Catherine’s anymore where everyone knew everybody else was the daughter of some wealth that led to alliances based on money. Lena would be shocked if this girl knew anything about the Luthor name if she was from the east coast so she knew it wasn’t because of that. Lena also just hadn’t heard anyone use that phrase in reference to her since Kara.

Sam’s gentle voice stopped Lena from entering that particular rabbit-hole of bottled up Kara feelings, thankfully. “I hope you don’t mind; I do want to be your friend. You seem pretty chill and I will do my best to win you over. Like a gentleman’s pursuit but completely platonic. Not that you’re not a total babe because you are but like, roommates are wa-ay off limits.”

Lena snorted, “I completely agree. I certainly think this whole ‘living together’ thing will go much smoother if we are friends. And I don’t think we will have a problem being friends if you keep calling me gorgeous when my hair is actually defying gravity right now and not in the cool way. The ego boost is appreciated though.”

“I know what I look like in the morning so I’m really not in any position to judge.” Sam held up her hands in defense. “However, I am a firm believer that there is nothing more beautiful than a girl in the morning light. With the exception of myself perhaps.”

Lena paused in the doorway to the adjoining bathroom and leaned against the frame to give Sam a cautious smile. There was no heterosexual explanation for that sentiment so Lena decided to test the waters. “That’s incredibly… gay of you to say.”

Sam eyed her back with curiosity and a glimmer of mischief. “That’s not the only gay thing about me.”

Lena nearly dropped her shampoo amidst her excitement, “You too?!”

Sam threw her head back and laughed. “No fucking way, Luthor. You’re definitely stuck being my friend now.” She grabbed Lena’s arm and tugged her back in toward the beds. “Shower can wait, right now I need to know more about my gay-ass roommate.”

 

It became evident quickly that Sam’s comfort with her sexuality was more confident than Lena’s. She was very open to talking about her experiences and her bisexuality was a well-defined part of her life. Lena couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous that Sam seemed to have such little shame.

When Lena came out in high school, Lex had been a model older brother, making Lena stay on the phone for an extra hour so he could tell her how proud he was and to make sure she knew she could come to him for any ‘girl help’ she needed. Of course, he also sent her a box of female condoms along with a crass sex pun on it because what is an older sibling without a healthy dose of teasing. Unfortunately, Lena had to run back up to her dormitory from the mail room while trying to hide her condom box from the Saint Catherine’s nuns that patrolled the halls of her school. It was one of Lex’s favorite stories to embarrass Lena with.

Lillian had no idea of Lena’s sexuality and the topic of homosexuality only came up once when they were younger. The coming-out episode of the sitcom series Ellen had just aired on TV and Lillian shared some hateful commentary when she saw it being talked about on the news the next day. She turned to Lena and told her if she ever thought about embarrassing her family like that, she better not dare think of stepping foot in Midvale again.

Lena didn’t really give a damn about her adoptive mother’s threats so she wasn’t really against sharing her sexuality, she just tried to be cautious about who knew.

It felt strange to have someone to talk about it with. She had talked with Lex that first time she came out but since then she never had any person to really have a deep conversation about how it felt. It was even more incredible that she now had someone that shared those feelings and truly understood the nuances of everyday life.

By the end of the day, Lena hadn’t even noticed how relaxed she was until she found herself lying in bed with an easy smile on her face and a distinct lack of tension in her body. Once she noticed it, she made sure to reign it in a little. Sam was easy to talk to and she had proven to be someone Lena could trust with her sexuality but there wasn’t any reason to feel completely at ease yet. Still, she allowed herself a bit of pleasure knowing that she already had future plans to hang out with her new roommate. Sam had initiated all of the invitations but Lena surprised herself in how eagerly she accepted them.

Among the conversation, Sam revealed that she was in her second year of school and offered Lena any guidance or advice she might need. She even promised to take Lena out to her first college party.

“Trust me, I know which frats are safe and which ones drug girls. Plus, I have this friend who lives on the outskirts of campus in an apartment that throws these awesome low-key house parties that cater to an LGBT crowd. It’ll be a great place to meet some other people like you and I’m sure everyone will love you.”

“Sure, I would like that a lot.” Lena tried to play it cool but inside her mind was going crazy imagining what such a safe place might look and feel like, imagining the potential for friends that she hadn’t really allowed herself to pursue before.

The night before classes began Lena went to sleep surprisingly clam and for the firm time in a long time she felt like maybe she could let go of Kara and be okay.

 

\--------------

 

A month into classes, life was settling into a comfortable routine. The school work was challenging and at times overwhelming but with having the freedom to choose her classes, Lena had a few that she was actually excited to attend.

On top of that, Sam had become an integral part of her daily routine. Almost every day they met up at the library when the day was over to study together.

On this particular evening the library was quieter than usual. To be fair, it was a Friday evening and that meant people would be going out and partying, drinking away the stress from the week. It would be the first Friday that Lena would be joining the masses to go out to a party as well. Sam’s friend was hosting their first party of the year at their apartment and Sam had immediately begged Lena to accompany her, not that it took much begging for Lena to agree.

Sam had already gone home to shower and she made Lena promise to be back in no less than an hour so they could get ready for the party together. But before any partying happened there was still one last paper to finish, so Lena sat studiously in the library and scribbled away as the sun set outside.

With only one page to go, Lena was in a good rhythm, focused and hunched over, nose nearly in her notebook. A shadow fell over the table, darkening her workspace causing a brief moment of confusion. The last time she looked at the clock it was only half past six.

 _‘Time must be passing faster than I thought.’_ She glanced up at the clock again to double check that she hadn’t lost track of time but someone’s head of blonde hair blocked her view. Lena huffed and craned her neck to look around the obstruction when said obstruction spoke,

“That’s my sweatshirt.”

“Excuse me?” Lena put on her “businesswoman voice”, as Lex affectionately called it, and pulled her reading glasses off to get a better look at whoever the hell decided to, quite annoyingly, plant themselves in front of her table.

Her stern gaze started at a hand curled around the width of a well-worn skateboard, to an oversized thick flannel paired with a mismatching striped Henley and quite handsome forearms. Not a feature Lena had ever been particularly interested in up until now. Clearly, she would have to reevaluate her priorities a bit.

Admittedly, she may have spent too much time following the veins running up under the edge of rolled sleeves and although she found that fact a bit embarrassing to confess she would later cite it as the reason it took her so long to recognize the shy smile being aimed at her. When she finally did see it, Lena was thankful for her previous distraction that gave her a bit more time to rest in oblivious attraction before her world unexpectedly came crashing down.

From dimple to dimple, that smile had an intensely familiar affection to it that held such a level of intimacy that it couldn’t come from a stranger. It was the last thing she had seen out her window at the Midvale estate, the last memory she had to hold onto of her best friend for the last few years. There was a time when Lena would replay the last time she saw that smile every night before she went to sleep so she had something the smile about until the next letter or phone call came. But soon the letters stopped and so did the calls. And eventually so did her daydreams. Even so, Lena suspected she had replayed that image so many times it was drilled into her memory forever. She could recognize that smile any place, any time, from any angle and there it was standing not even three feet away attached to the very person her heart had been missing.

Kara Danvers, in the flesh.

Kara, whose forearms Lena had been quite shamelessly appreciating.

Kara, who had gotten taller and simultaneously more handsome. Her long limbs filled out with muscle, jaw more defined, looking unfairly attractive in a backwards baseball cap.

Kara, who was standing right in front of her and smiling like no time had passed.

 

“Kara, what are you doing here?” Lena’s voice trembled and her body itched to jump across the table to drag Kara into a bear hug, but her sensibility won over instinct. She attempted to form her words into something that sounded like aloof surprise.

Kara, on the other hand, was buzzing with excitement, fidgeting with the wheels of her skateboard, then her glasses, then the hem of her shirt. Lena could practically see the millions of thoughts Kara was having at that moment, her face was showing all of her cards at once.

“Well, I was checking out the history section for some books I could use on my essay and I was just about to pack up to leave actually when I saw what looked like a Midvale track sweatshirt and like, those are my people, you know? So I had to come check it out and when I got closer I realized I’d seen that face before and then you looked up and your eyes, I mean, wow. I had forgotten just how bold that green was.” A dreamy look passed over her features briefly before falling into something shyer. “Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure if I should talk to you because well, it’s been so long and I wasn’t sure… But you’re wearing my sweatshirt so I thought maybe you still- I don’t know.”

Kara’s face went through so many emotions during her ramble and Lena picked up all of them; excitement, happiness, hesitance, remorse, hurt, hope, and something that looked strangely like attraction. But that wasn’t her focus right now.

Right now she had to figure out the proper response. She had to find a way to answer Kara and the unspoken questions that had just been dropped into Lena’s lap. Kara had been back for five minutes and Lena’s mind was already drowning in questions, frustrations, and hopes that were all too overwhelming to tackle in a highly public area with Kara looking at her with such blatant, yet restrained longing.

This was an opportunity Lena hadn’t thought she would ever get and Lena didn't want to waste it.

It was a chance to ask Kara why she left Lena hanging for so long.

Or maybe she could apologize for giving up too easy on their long-distance friendship.

It was also a chance to tell Kara how much she missed her and to beg her not to ever leave again.

There were infinite paths to take that all felt so important but it was impossible to figure out where to start through her own inner turmoil and Kara’s uninterrupted eye contact. Lena desperately needed to break the thick tension so she went with the first idea that came to mind, she deflected.

“I could guess why you’re at the library, I meant why are you here in National City? Didn’t you have plans to go to university in Metropolis?”

“Yeah, I did originally think I would go there but when I applied, National City University offered me more scholarship money and heaven knows I need all the help I can get to ward off student loan debt. So here I am, a tired student of NCU!”

 _‘Great. That’s just wonderful news. Kara and I go to the same school.’_ Lena’s inner voice groaned and she wasn’t sure if it was sarcasm or authentic. Probably a bit of both.

This gave her less options. She could try to avoid the confrontations but clearly Kara had found her on campus once and Lena guessed it wouldn’t be the last time, nor was she sure she wanted it to be the last time.

“So, I’m guessing if you’re in National City that you also go to NCU?”

Lena nodded and felt butterflies in her chest when she saw that adorable look of hope blooming back onto Kara’s face.

“So I’ll se you around then. If- if you want to be seen, or to see me? There’s just, gosh, there’s so much to say and-“

“I really should go.” Lena stood and began shoving things in her bag. Some heartfelt words were definitely about the fall out of Kara’s mouth and Lena was in danger of spilling her guts to Kara in the middle of the library just a few weeks after naively thinking that she could let go of Kara completely.

Conveniently, it was actually time for her to leave if she wanted to make it home in time to keep her promise to Sam. That gave her time to stop this conversation and come up with a plan before jumping into anything too brashly. Their friendship had ended previously without any ceremony. Lena guessed the ocean between them was just too big of a hurdle at the time. She was certainly excited to see Kara but she had put trust in Kara that she would keep her promise and then she left Lena hanging. Radio silence. And Kara knew that Lex had done the same to her. Kara knew how much it meant to Lena and still she broke her promise and Lena felt the same abandonment that she felt when Lex left. Lena just needed to gather her thoughts before she allowed herself to do anything that might cause her hurt again.

She slung her backpack over her shoulder and immediately felt a pang of guilt when she saw Kara’s disappointed look at her abrupt exit.

“Oh, okay. No worries. But just so you know, I’m here. We’re in the same city, living probably closer than when we were in Midvale. So if you ever need anything, I’d love to see you.” Kara’s offer was tentative and her voice shy. It put the ball in Lena’s court which Lena was very grateful for. Kara was always one to count on for that kind of diplomacy.

Lena sighed and let her indifferent mask fall a bit to give Kara a hesitant but genuine smile. She didn’t want to make any promises or get anyone’s hopes up too much but Lena found she couldn’t bear to walk away with being the cause of Kara’s frown.

“You know, it’s not the biggest campus. I’m sure we will cross paths again soon.” Lena was met with an instant grin and that allowed her to turn away and make for the door, satisfied that she had ended that stressful interaction in a strategically polite way. As she wrenched open the door, desperate for fresh air, Kara’s voice called out to her.

“HEY! My band is playing a house party tonight on the corner of 16th street. No pressure, but if you’re not busy … ummm come say hi maybe?”

Lena gave her a calm half smile and a shrug though she already knew she wouldn’t be going, then darted out the door to escape the suffocating air of the library that was now swirling with the candy-sweet smell of Kara.

Lena let out the breath she’d been holding and began a brisk walk home.

She couldn’t wait to tell Sam about the day she’d just had.

_‘Sam.’_

That thought brought her some relief. Tonight would be a night of hanging with Sam, meeting new people and getting what would hopefully be a vital distraction from the emotional haze she was in right now.

_‘Thank the gods I’m getting drunk tonight.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Hit me up with any comments, concerns, questions or whatever's on your mind :)


	3. The Dropouts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, this chapter was a little stressful to write. I was trying to balance writing and studying for my exam and I actually ended up rewriting this chapter three times, but this version finally feels alright! You'll get to see more of Kara who was a bit absent last chapter. There will be friendship dynamics being built and conversations to be had.  
> Look for the next update around the same time next week as we dive into some much needed Kara and Lena discussions. Hope you all are having a good Thursday! (And if it's no longer Thursday for you when you're reading this, insert whatever day of the week it is for you!)

Lena slammed her dormitory door open with a bang and just a hint of overdramatic flair.

“Sam, you will _not_ believe the day I just had! Or I guess the last hour I just had.”

 Sam’s head popped out from the bathroom with a curling iron wrapped up in her hair and a welcoming smile. “Spare me no details, Luthor. I wanna know everything, come take a seat.”

The sink countertop was littered with makeup products and hairspray that Sam had to push aside to make room for a groaning Lena to hoist herself up. Sam continued fixing up her hair but gave Lena an encouraging nod to let her know she was listening.

“Okay so, I was in the library like usual minding my own business, and of course on the one day you weren’t there to back me up, my best friend from childhood shows up out of the blue looking unreasonably attractive and starts talking about how she goes to NCU. Then she starts saying she wants to start hanging out again and she’s really sweet about it, gives me the option to say no. God, Sam you should have seen the adorable puppy look on her face, she looked at me like- I don’t know she just looked so happy to see me.” 

Lena ran her hands through her hair, pulling it away from her rapidly flushing skin. Heat was climbing up her neck as the rollercoaster of emotion she experienced in the library was all flooding back again accompanied by embarrassing visions of Kara’s forearms which were making her lack of composure more present in her voice.

“I just- I mean, we haven’t spoken, she’s been out of reach for nearly four years and then there she was right in front of me and I had no idea how to handle the situation. I had kind of resigned myself to thinking I wasn’t going to see her again. Obviously, there was a part of me that desperately wanted to pull her into a hug and say everything is fine. There were hundreds of things I’ve wanted to tell her and I know it could be so easy to just let myself fall back into her world. It was safe there. But a bigger part of me wants answers, you know?”

Lena paused to grab the nail file so her anxious hands had something to fiddle with while she carried on. “I want to know why she stopped writing, why she stopped calling. She knew what it meant to me to have somebody actually stick around. She knew my brother had left me in that terrible house with maybe one call a month if I was lucky and I didn’t have anyone else to protect me from my mother. I even fucking cried to her about it and she promised that would never happen with us. And maybe it’s childish to be mad that she broke her promise but I don’t want to ignore the fact that I got hurt. I can’t pretend that the last four years of silence didn’t happen.”

 

It felt good to finally release all of the swirling emotions out into the open. Lena felt a bit of relief even though there were still underlying nerves over how she had just revealed some of her vulnerability to Sam. Being self-protective and closed off was always part of the Luthor training which, as much as Lena hated to admit, affected how she acted pretty frequently. Besides the fact that she was taught to be that way, Lena didn’t really see it as a negative thing to protect yourself. She was just beginning to think that maybe she wasn’t so good at following through with it all the time. Human interaction was something she craved as long as it was with the right kind of people and Sam happened to be that kind of person. She just had this gift of talking in such a way that just eased the atmosphere of a room and that’s exactly what she did when Lena was finally finished spilling her emotions onto the bathroom floor.  

 

 “Well, I’m not involved in the situation nor do I know the nuances of your relationship, so take my advice with that in mind.” Sam moved over to stand in front of Lena’s dangling legs and began carefully coiling Lena’s hair into the curling iron. “Now, I don’t think it’s childish to hold people to their promises, especially when that was someone who gave you every reason to trust them. Plus, I don’t think I even know half of the shit you went through but I know you haven’t had a very capable support system, not to mention plenty of experience with abandonment. As your best friend, she was aware of your history and that definitely makes it suck more that she still did the same thing to you.” 

She turned away from her work for a moment to meet Lena’s eyes. “You have absolutely every right to be upset, Lena and it’s not wrong to feel a little protective of yourself. But, I do think your relationship didn’t really end on explicitly bad terms, it just kind of ceased to exist without any closure. And I think, maybe, it could be a really good idea to talk about this with your friend so you can explain what you’re feeling on your end and ask for an explanation from them. Clearly they want some sort of relationship with you and there are still feelings of care. Hearing their side of the story might clear up some things and allow you to sort out how you feel, then you can move forward from there.” 

Lena’s shoulders drooped as she huffed out a long sigh, releasing the tension her body had been holding. “Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy. I get into my head too much sometimes, overthinking, wondering if maybe I did something wrong to make her leave and I start questioning if my frustration is valid. But you’re right, I have to find time to talk to her about it so I can find out what happened. Even if we don’t end up being friends again the closure would be nice.”

Sam hummed in agreement and pulled the makeup bag over to rest on Lena’s lap. “Do you want brown or purple eyeshadow for tonight?”

“Brown, please.” Lena closed her eyes and let Sam’s gentle hands brush makeup onto her eyelids. Lena was quite good with doing her makeup but Sam seemed to have a certain magic touch that right now felt as if she was brushing away Lena’s worries with each stroke. Though, Lena guessed maybe that was just because everything turns out better when someone else does it for you.

 Sam finished sweeping on Lena’s eye makeup, then moved to do her own.

“Well, I’m glad you’re going to try to talk it out. It’s a good habit to get into. And if you are ever unsure or overwhelmed you can always talk to me about it, maybe to practice what you want to say. Whatever you need.”

Lena hopped down off the counter and brushed her hand across Sam’s shoulder in a subtle thanks. “Alright, no more talk of worrying subjects tonight. This is party is meant to help us get away from our stress.” She opened her closet and began to rummage for something to make her look presentable. “I do need one last bit of advice though. I don’t know what to wear.” 

A thoughtful hum was her first answer while Sam finished putting on her lip gloss. “No question, wear that purple tank top, leather jacket combo with the black jeans. You look hot in that. We don’t know what kind of drunk you are so if you’re a messy drunk at least it’ll be a hot mess.”

Lena snorted as she dug for the leather jacket amongst her closet which was probably the messiest part of her life at the moment. “I promise not to get messy tonight. I really don’t want your friends first impression of me to be what I look like heaving over a toilet bowl. I’m only trying to drink a little to relax and take my mind off of her for the night.”

 

\----------

 

Somewhere across campus Kara made a similar bursting entrance to her apartment, startling her roommates who were prepping for their show. Winn nearly knocked his keyboard over in the midst of his initial shock while Lucy and James just shared knowing looks from across the room as they were fairly immune to Kara’s explosive energy by this point in their friendship.

“GUYS, our show tonight has to be _perfect_! Not that I don’t think you all play beautifully every night because you guys are the best bandmates I could ask for, like, you all sound like angels. But still, the stakes just got so much higher for tonight.”

Lucy set her guitar back on its stand and leaned up against the wall to watch Kara flit around the apartment, cleaning up stray plates and cups, fueled by nervous energy and excitement.  “Relax Kar, it’s just a house show with a bunch of drunk college kids.  The stakes can’t possibly be that high. It’s nothing we haven’t done before. To be honest, I don’t even know why we are putting on this free show when we’re finally getting paid gigs in the city now.

“Umm first of all, it’s free publicity! We need people to have access to our music so we can build a fan base and this is a great way to do that while we are waiting for our next opportunity to come around.”  Kara moved from the kitchen to begin straightening up the living room as if the appearance would really matter to wasted college kids. “We haven’t exactly been playing at the most reputable establishments yet anyway so it’s not like we’ve made it or anything. No harm in a little more show practice.”

“Okay, I’m with you on that point,” James came up behind Lucy and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s shoulders. “But that doesn’t answer why this is such a high stakes performance. Did you manage to get anyone important to come? Maybe somebody who might be able to give us a shot at a record deal or something?”

“Oooh yeah!” Winn chimed in from his spot on the couch where he was shining up the keys on his keyboard. “Is this going to be a break for us? If you hook us up I will totally buy you that gallon tub of ice cream you’ve been obsessing over.”

Suddenly, Kara’s energy slowed to a stop as she became aware that her bandmates were all looking at her expectantly with varying degrees of excitement to skepticism. She realized that maybe she had hyped it up a bit too enthusiastically. Seeing Lena just put her on an elated high, making her brain buzz distractedly.

“Okay. No, no, no. Sorry guys. I don’t have any connections like that yet though not for lack of trying. But, there is someone new that might be coming to the show. See, there’s this girl-“

“Oh my GOD!” Lucy rolled her eyes and the band let out a collective groan. “A girl, Kara? That’s what you got us all hyped up about?? Christ, of course it’s a girl, you useless gay.”

“Useless bisexual, but whatever.” Kara waved her hand dismissively. “She’s not just _any_ girl, Lucy. She’s… special. We used to know each other.”

Lucy shot her a smirk and opened her mouth, no doubt to make a crude joke, but Kara beat her to it.

“NOT like that you dirty minded heathen. We were best friends for a long time. She was like the bread to my butter, the spaghetti to my meatballs, the peanut butter to my jelly! And yes, I am aware those are all conveniently food related but you get the point!”

 

Kara huffed and flopped onto the couch, letting her head fall onto Winn’s lap. “I know I’m maybe a tiny bit high strung right now but I really want to impress her I guess. She was such an influential person, she helped shape who I am. And she was a huge supporter of my creativity and my music. A lot of the songs I’ve written were inspired by her. But I think I might have messed up or something and I haven’t seen her in four years. I need to show her how important she is and music is how I can do that best; this is my chance to make things right.”

 Winn reached down to pat Kara’s head affectionately. Kara loved all of her friends but Winn had been her first friend at university and he was always someone she could count on to be on the same emotional wavelength as her. “Don’t worry, Kara. We will all play our best to make sure she gets the message.” They shared a smile and Kara reached up to pat his head in return. “Thank you, Winny.”

Always one to make sure everyone was on track for the show, Lucy yelled over from setting up the microphone stands. “I promise to play my best too, but in the meantime can y’all mop up your mushy selves off the couch and get ready? We have people coming in an hour for a good time and The Dropouts never disappoint a crowd.”

 

 ----------

  

Kara really did try her best to focus on her assigned pre-show tasks but she found herself zoning out and daydreaming about Lena, thinking about Lena’s smile and how it had been tentative and restrained when Kara had seen her. Imagining what it would be like the finally have Lena back in her life. Kara hadn’t been expecting to see Lena when she showed up to the library but she had been mentally preparing herself for that moment for the last four years. Very few days passed where Lena hadn’t crossed her mind.

 

Kara had last spoken to Lena around the time of winter break during Lena’s first year of high school. Lena called Kara sounding near tears to explain that Lionel was taking them away to Metropolis for the holiday and that she probably wouldn’t get to see Kara until the spring break came. After she had spent months of counting down the days until Lena came home, it was devastating news but Kara could hear the weary tremble in Lena’s voice so she did her best to lighten the mood with stories of all the wonderful things she planned for them to do together when they had the chance.

Kara promised first, to show Lena the new music she’d been working on. She had been trying to learn some of Lena’s favorite songs on the side of trying to develop some of her own songs and Kara loved that she could hear Lena’s voice grow with excitement when Kara talked about her music. Lena had been more hesitant about Kara’s other plans to teach Lena how to skateboard. Kara had recently picked it up and had to beg Lena to agree to at least one lesson. She sensed Lena’s reluctance through the phone but Kara eventually broke her down and soon they were both laughing over stories about Kara wiping out when she was first learning.

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be a good teacher if you wiped out so much?” Lena teased through her giggles, making Kara gasp in mock offense.

“Are you kidding? I’m the best teacher! I totally have the hang of it now, I swear. And I’d never let you fall, I promise.”

 

There had been a moment of intimate silence where Kara could almost swear she could feel Lena blushing as hard as Kara was. It came to an unfortunate end when a muffled voice spoke from Lena’s end of the call.

_‘Lena who are you talking to?’_

 Kara could tell it was Lillian’s stern voice cutting through and it was that which brought an end to their conversation. Lena’s easy tone left as she whispered a hurried, shaking apology and an _‘I miss you’_ , then the line went dead.

 

In the weeks after, Kara was never sure if she overanalyzed the interaction only because it was their last but she ended up replaying it in her head many nights, remembering Lena’s evident stress and the loneliness she had expressed. She worried endlessly about how Lena was holding up across the sea, whether or not she was adjusting and if she had found anyone to keep her company. Lena had always been generally solitary beyond hanging around Kara but Kara had seen her in those few vulnerable moments and she knew that even if Lena didn’t admit it, she thrived with that close companionship.

 

On longer nights when Kara couldn’t sleep she would run through that last interaction and think about Lillian’s venomous tone. She’d wonder if maybe Lillian was the reason she never heard from Lena after that night, or maybe she just needed a villain to blame and Lillian was an alarmingly easy target.

After exhausting those negative thoughts, her brain would turn back to the moment Lillian had interrupted. That affectionate quiet that held every word Kara never had a chance to say. She had spent some times basking in the peace that moment held and other times agonizing over all of the things she could have said instead.

 

Sometimes she thought maybe she was just overanalyzing it because the minute that Kara heard the other line click off was the minute that everything else seemed to crumble around her.

It started with Jeremiah dying in a work accident and throwing the lives of the Danvers family into sudden change. They moved to a smaller home to accommodate for the loss of the primary source of income but also to get away from the memories that their previous house held.

Sacrifices had to be made so they could continue paying for the essentials which meant watching every dollar and cutting out a lot of the things that were now luxuries for them. Eliza was very aware that she had two kids on track to go to college and she was now the only one in charge of making sure she was giving her kids every opportunity to succeed.

Both Alex and Kara got jobs to help contribute to the family and Eliza agreed that even though international calls were no longer regularly allowed, Kara could call Lena in Ireland If she saved up enough of her own money to pay for that part of the phone bill. So Kara set her sights on a goal of getting enough for a thirty-minute call as soon as she could and in the meantime she wrote a letter to Lena explaining why she wouldn’t be able to call for a while.

She hadn’t been worried at first when she didn’t receive anything in return. Mail isn’t the fastest form of communication nor was the postal service the most reliable. It wasn’t until over a month passed that she started getting nervous. Maybe the letter had gotten lost and never made it to Lena? Or maybe Lena was really just too busy with school or work right now to answer? There were nights where Kara was so exhausted after work and school that she would just collapse onto her bed to sleep at the end of the day, so Kara was no stranger to how busy life could get.

She decided to write another letter just in case Lena hadn’t actually gotten it.

 

Another month passed, she sent another letter.

 

Month after month she sent something new, waited impatiently but nothing ever came in return.

 

Once she had saved up enough for her phone call she still wasn’t given a break. Her fingers were nearly shaking in anticipation as she typed the number into their landline phone but it rang only one time before an automated voice took over.

_‘You are not permitted access to the number you are trying to reach’_

All she was left with was a dial-tone and disappointment.

 

Even though things appeared to have reached a dead end, Kara refused to completely give up. She stayed dedicated to sending her letters once a month and tried calling when she could although that was significantly less frequently. She just wasn’t ready to give up on Lena. It was extremely out of character for Lena to stop talking to her like this. You don’t go from thinking someone is your best friend, bound to be in your life in some way, to giving up on them entirely. 

Everywhere Kara went she was on high alert for any sign of Lena. Brown hair was a fairly common trait but whenever Kara saw anything that even remotely resembled Lena’s glossy smooth hair, she went on guard ready to scope them out. On more than one occasion Alex caught her staring at someone she suspected might be Lena and they never ceased to tease her about it.

_‘Kara knock it off, you look like such a creep.’_

 

 A few years passed and efforts remained fruitless. Alex’s pessimism about the situation began to rub off on Kara. I mean, how likely is it to have a chance encounter with someone when you’re not entirely sure if they’re in the same country as you? The probability was definitely not in Kara’s favor. 

Luckily, Kara’s faith eventually paid off and gave her a rare opportunity to tell Alex “I told you so.”

The hair was the first thing she noticed. It was long, cascading over the persons shoulders, just barely covering a Midvale Track emblem across the front of their sweatshirt. It was more worn out since she’d last seen it but that clue made Kara nearly certain that this person was Lena. Unfortunately, all of her mental preparation for that day went to waste when Lena’s piercing eyes looked straight through her. All of the feelings, apologies and confessions that had been piling up in her brain got jammed in her throat when Lena looked at her. She had no idea where to start now that she was actually here.

In hindsight, there were already a thousand things she had thought of that she could have said instead of what actually came out of her mouth but she was thankful that regardless of however ridiculous she thought she sounded, there was still another chance to talk to Lena and show her that she still cared.

 

All she needed to do now was to give Lena the space and hope she would show up to the show tonight.

 

 

 ----------

 

 

Lena, you look fine. Stop fussing with it!”

 

Reluctantly, Lena pulled her hands away from her hair and shoved them into her jacket pockets where they could no longer do any harm to the neat curls Sam had ironed into her hair. As usual, Sam had done a wonderful job of making Lena look fantastic but she just couldn’t help messing with it as they made their way to the party under the guidance of the streetlights.

The prospect of meeting new people was always daunting and Lena desperately wanted to make a good first impression. Not just because they were Sam’s friends but because this was an opportunity to meet other LGBT people and maybe even find a sense of belonging in the community for once.

Sam read her mind and looped her arm through Lena’s to pull her close as they walked. “Seriously, you’ve got nothing to be nervous about. I promise my friends are chill and I know they will love you.”

“Honestly, how do you always know what’s on my mind? You know exactly what to say and it’s kind of creepy.” Lena grinned and nudged her body into Sam’s.

“I guess it’s just my good friend instinct? I think I’m finally getting a better read on you as person. Just a symptom of getting closer to someone.” Sam nudged Lena back, thrilled that Lena was getting more comfortable with her. “It helps that you’re letting your walls down a bit. Also I think it was pretty obvious from your out of character fidgeting that you were either nervous about meeting my friends or just still flustered about those ‘toned forearms’ your friend is allegedly sporting.”

Lena scoffed and broke her arm free to put some distance between them so she could send Sam a proper middle finger and glare.

“I’m sorry Lena but, as much as I don’t want to run into her tonight for your sake, I really hope we run into her so I can see what all the hype is about. I’ve never seen your face that red ever before.” 

“I wasn’t blushing that bad!” Lena immediately jumped to the defensive but she could see from Sam’s smirk that arguing wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Her heated cheeks were destroying all of her credibility.

“Oh come on! You nearly trembled when you mentioned the forearms earlier. And it might be dark out now but I can totally see your blush coming back.” Sam laughed and grabbed Lena’s hand, leading her up the steps to the door of the apartment where a cacophony of voices could already be heard.

 

“Alright, do you need a minute to calm your libido or can we go in?”

 

“Just open the door, you ass.”

 

 

They were met with the instant strong smell of alcohol as the door swung open. Underneath it all was the hint of fruity air freshener that Lena suspected was meant to be helping to mask the liquor though it was clearly not doing its job.

Very quickly, several people began recognizing Sam and hollers of greetings were called out over the chatter. Sam waved and introduced Lena to everyone they approached as they made their way through the living room and the basement where most of the party activity was centered. The drinks were set up in the basement so Lena and Sam decided to settle down in the living room on a terribly worn out couch with beers in hand, away from the crowd.

Lena found herself sandwiched between Sam and one of Sam’s friends, Jess, who appeared to be quite serious on the outside but kept dropping these subtle quiet one-liners that had Lena choking on her beer in laughter.

 

At some point later in the hour, Sam wandered off leaving Lena to fend for herself. Her inebriated state, thankfully, made it easier to interact with so many new people but the introvert inside was still a little overwhelmed. So instead of trying to push herself too much, Lena decided to attempt for just one new solid potential friend tonight and reach for a bigger goal next time. And that was going pretty well for her so far. 

Lena was in the middle of successfully bonding with Jess over strict parent stories when music began filtering up from the basement. A satisfying, deep bass line opened the song, followed by drums, keyboard and a guitar, all leading up to the introduction of a feminine singing voice. Lena had a minute of distraction when the sound of music took over the room, the voice sounded familiar but she tuned it out to bring her attention back to Jess. Her main focus was trying to build up the nerve to smoothly insert an invitation to hang out at a later date somewhere into her conversation with Jess, who had become Lena’s potential friend target for the night. Even without Sam to keep her company the whole time, Lena found herself getting along easily with Jess and the night was going by pretty quickly.

She eventually found herself out in the tiny backyard behind the apartment with Jess for a brief escape from the noise and some fresh air and that’s where Sam caught up with her, now way more drunk than when Lena last saw her. She had joked previously in the night about not throwing up but now Lena was a little worried Sam might be the one to puke.

 “Lena! There you are!” She wobbled over, barefoot with her heels hanging on her wrist. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Listen, you gotta come in and meet the band, they’re all my really cool-ass friends who live here and I really _really_ want you to be friends with them too!”

 She latched onto Lena’s wrist and pulled her back toward the house in a wobbly zig-zag. Lena grabbed onto Jess with her free hand, not wanting to be dragged into any drunken Sam adventures alone. It also couldn’t hurt to have an extra person to help decipher whatever Sam was trying to slur to them over the noise as she dragged them to meet a few people packing up instruments and equipment.

“Okay sooo, these are my best friends! They’re the coolest people in the world and I know for a fact they’re totally gonna make it big someday. That’s Winn with the keyboard, Lucy on guitar, James over at the drums and- “

“Kara.” Lena cut her off. She could feel the mild panic spreading across her face as Kara whipped around the meet Lena’s eyes for a second, heart-stopping time that day. It was a tiny consolation that Kara’s face was showing an equal level of shock and internal panic.

“Lena! What are- I mean, you came! I didn’t think you would.” Kara spluttered for the right words, trying to filter out anything that would come across too mushy while literally all of her friends were watching the interaction. Sam appeared to be a bit lost but Kara could feel the looks from her bandmates and knew they had all guessed by now that this was the mystery girl Kara had been gushing about earlier in the day.

Thankfully, she wasn’t forced to say anything more because Lena made a choice for them.

“Kara, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

 It was a rushed sentence filled with some stiff discomfort and Kara barely had enough time to nod before Lena was taking her hand and pulling her out to the backyard for some privacy.

 

Lena’s heart was pounding up into her throat the entire time. She had been relaxing in the comfort of her drunkenness, unprepared for another close encounter. Her first instinct had been to grab Sam and make a run for it but her rational, responsible sober side kicked in and made a different choice.

 Meet the issue head on.

 

“Alright.” She puffed out a breath and fanned herself with her free hand, trying to get her body to calm down. “Sorry about making a kind of weird scene there but I really didn’t want to talk about this in front of a bunch of people. I know I asked you out here to talk but I can’t talk about us right now because I’m honestly, pretty drunk and this is a crowded party and I want this to be done right, you know?” 

Kara nodded along, trying to keep her concentration through the bubbling thrill in her stomach that Lena did actually want to talk to her and that their hands were still intertwined. Kara assumed that the latter was only because Lena was still drunk but she savored it anyway.

 “Listen, I just needed to tell you that you were right earlier when you said there’s so much to say. We really should talk about what happened.”

While Lena went on, Kara made a mental sidenote of how cute Lena looked with her serious face on.

“I’m at the library every day around five. I sit in the same spot every time, right where you saw me today. Just come by any day this week and we’ll talk.”

“Totally, will do. I’ll be there. ASAP. No problemo.” Kara ended with an awkward finger gun and immediately cringed after she’d done it but Lena didn’t seem to be in any state to hold it against her. She gave Kara a curt ‘ _Great. See you soon._ ’ And disconnected their hands to take her leave.

“Oh.” Lena stopped in the open door of the apartment. “I didn’t get to hear that much of your music but you played wonderfully, Kara.”

Then with a half-smile she was gone and Kara was alone under the stars.

Kara stood in the autumn chill until the warmth of Lena’s hand faded leaving just an electrifying tingle and a sliver of hope in its wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> Comments, concerns, thoughts and questions are always welcome, I love to hear from you!


	4. Let's Talk it Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I'm a big fat liar for saying I'd get this chapter out like, a week ago and I'm terribly sorry for the wait. Things have been crazy around here. I visited family and lost valuable writing time, plus doing work for my class and I'm moving into a new apartment next week so I'm in the middle of packing and all that nonsense. So, unfortunately my writing fell behind. But here we are now! A new chapter with some hearty conversation and many feels. Like I said, I am in class and I'm moving next week so I am busy but I will be doing my very best to get an update up at the end of next week. Anyway, hope you like this chapter and again, sorry for the wait!

“Wait, so your Kara is the same as _my_ Kara?”

 

Sam’s wide eyed shock made Lena chuckle as she was reminded of how she had felt when she came to the same realization that Sam was currently coming to.

“Yup.” She popped the ending ‘p’ and nodded in affirmation. It was a comfort knowing that Lena wasn’t the only one so utterly startled by the revelation that Sam's friend, who lived in the apartment they'd went to the night before, was actually Kara Danvers. It was an all a strange coincidence that Lena was convinced had to be the work of karma or something. Nevertheless, she was just happy that she had someone to share the stress of her exceptional situation with.

In emphasis of her initial shock, Sam’s mouth gaped while she took a few minutes to find her thoughts. Lena sat back and let her take her time knowing it was probably a little bit worse for Sam considering this was one of the first things she was hearing after waking up. It was well into the afternoon by now but they had both gotten to bed late last night and had only managed to roll their hungover bodies out of bed for some coffee barely an hour ago.

 

After the rushed encounter with Kara at the party, Lena made a beeline back into the house to grab Sam who was half asleep on the couch laying in an unnatural position that made Lena’s own neck twitch imagining how uncomfortable that might feel. Luckily, Sam appeared to be too sleepy and drunk to really care much about that.

Lena helped Sam get home in one piece, making sure she drank some water then doing her best to heave Sam onto her bed. Lena barely had time to be momentarily impressed by her own strength before she was falling asleep on to the bed next to her.

 

 Now in the daylight after much needed rest, the two sat cross-legged nursing warm coffee mugs on Sam’s bed. Sam was finally in good enough condition to listen and Lena gladly filled her in on the details from the end of the night which had become a bit hazy from the alcohol. The phases of shock, laughter and embarrassment that Sam’s face went through were endlessly entertaining to Lena after Sam had been poking fun about Lena being a messy drunk and Sam ended up being the messy one that night. 

“Well first of all, please don’t let me get that drunk next time.” Sam snorted, laughing at her own embarrassment. “Unfortunately, some of the night that I’d prefer to forget is going to be burned into my memory forever. In particular, the mortifying encounter I had with Alex Danvers where I drunkenly tripped and fell right into their arms, spilling some of their drink all over their shirt.” Sam groaned and scrubbed a hand over her face. “It was terrible, Lena. They were so chill about it, acted like it was no big deal and gave me this gorgeous smile but I was too goddamn drunk to form good sentences. It was a mess and they must think I’m so weird now.”

“Awww Sam, I’m sorry darling. Next time I will definitely keep an eye on you, I swear.” Lena laughed and rubbed her hand comfortingly on Sam’s knee. “I guess we both had a bit of a rough night with the Danvers siblings, didn’t we?”

 “Oh we sure did.” Sam slumped backward and let herself be swallowed by the mass of pillows on her bed. “Speaking of which, are you okay?” Her lips drew together in concern. “I promise I wouldn’t have brought you there last night if I had known my friend Kara was the same as your friend Kara.” 

Lena shifted over to drop her empty coffee mug on the desk, waving her other hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Definitely a bit shaken at first but I think I actually owe you some thanks for last night. That party gave me the chance to set up a time to meet with Kara so we can actually sort this thing out.”

“Oh, that’s great, Lena! I guess drunk me is just as great of a friend as sober me.” Sam grinned and stretched out to playfully nudge Lena’s leg with her foot, earning a look of pursed lips and rolling eyes. “In all seriousness though, I really hope that goes well. Partially because you’re my friend and I will support you always but also because it would be super nice if two of my good friends didn’t have beef with each other.”

 Lena hummed thoughtfully. “I really don’t think Kara is really the kind of person anyone can have beef with. But I will definitely try my best for you.”

 “Sweet!” Sam’s face went from one of joy to something slightly more devious and Lena knew she was in trouble. “So… now that we’ve got that out of the way, can we please discuss how you’ve been straight up thirsting over my good friend’s arms this whole time?”

“Oh my God, Sam!” Lena flopped back ontot he bed and threw her arm over her face dramatically

 Lena was always easy to tease and when Sam saw that she was still smiling under her hiding place, she knew it was safe to prod a little more.

“Don’t try to hide from me Lena Luthor, I see you! It’s those bass player arms. I gotta hand it to you, you’ve got pretty good taste.”

 Lena groaned and drew a pillow over her face, muffling her grumbled response.

“Honestly what did I do to deserve a trash friend like you?”

“Shut up Luthor, you love me.” 

 

\---------- 

 

Rain was just beginning to fall, leaving the pavement speckled with dark drops. It was only a light drizzle for now but umbrellas were popping up across campus as people made their way home from long days in the classroom. Alex had been insistent that it was going to pour later and forced an umbrella into Kara’s hands before she left the house that morning, but for now the little drips falling on her cheeks and nose weren’t a bother.

Kara rolled up to the library, kicked her skateboard up into her hand and jogged up the steps, umbrella tucked under one arm and skateboard tucked under the other. Little jolts of nervous energy were bouncing through her body like shockwaves with each step. The library door handle was slick and cool under Kara’s palm, a detail that Kara found to be quite grounding in the face of what lay on the other side of these glass doors. She took a deep breath and pushed it out slowly, hoping to dispel the jitters before taking the next step forward.

The door closed with a hiss and a thud, leaving her surrounded just by the quiet sound of papers sliding against each other and the pages of books being turned. It was the kind of place that let your thoughts get the best of you if you sat alone for too long, so Kara was grateful that she spotted Lena already waiting for her in the back corner of the library. 

Lena was working diligently, making her signature concentration face, tongue peeking out from between her lips and brow knitted in the most adorable way. Kara made her way over, only after reigning in her bursting affection at the sight, not wanting to let herself get too caught up yet. At Alex’s advice, she was trying her best to keep her hopes and expectations low just in case things didn’t go well but her natural optimism was proving to be a challenge to fight.

The sound of her skateboard knocking against the edge of the table alerted Lena to her presence and things were off to a good start when Lena looked up and gave Kara a smile. It was small and a bit tight, but Kara was willing to take it as a positive sign.

“Hey Kara, please have a seat.” Lena nodded to the seat across from her and began folding her papers into a neat pile, filing them away in her backpack. Kara slid down into the ugly patterned cushion and leaned her skateboard on the arm of the chair, watching as Lena finished packing up. The last thing off the table was what appeared to be an engineering textbook, a very thick engineering textbook of almost intimidating size. It closed with a hefty thump and finally Lena’s full attention was focused on Kara.

 

Silence surrounded them while they took a few minutes regarding each other, waiting to see who would speak first. It was a stiff awkward silence, as was Lena’s body language. Her hands were folded neatly in front of her, back rigid, shoulders straight and a stern no-funny-business look that Kara imagined would be extremely effective if Lena ever decided to become a teacher. Lena was in full on business mode and she was well aware of her tense demeanor but she didn’t think it was completely baseless. Until she got answers and confirmed that Kara was still the kind hearted person she grew up with, Lena wanted to remain protective. Obviously she knew people inevitably change over time but there was a huge difference between changing for the better and changing for the worse.

Fortunately, it seemed that the former was likely. Kara had always been one of those rare people, like Sam, who just oozed this infectious warmth. Lena could feel it in the way Kara was looking at her right now with some indescribable sparkle in her eyes, a picture of relaxed composure and a tentative smile. The only thing giving away her anxiety was the way her leg bounced persistently under the table.

 Lena tried to ease the tension a bit knowing her stiffness was undoubtedly making Kara feel more nervous than usual. To make the setting a bit less interrogation-like, Lena attempted to lean back in her chair and let her hands lay flat against the table, hoping her efforts were successfully mimicking Kara’s more easy going posture.

 

Kara’s head nodded rhythmically to, what Lena guessed was, whatever song was stuck in her head.

 

Lena’s fingers tapped restlessly against the table.

 

Their eye contact remained frustratingly, awkwardly intact until Lena decided she couldn’t bear another second of it and took initiative.

 

“So… I'm not sure if I should just jump right in but I suppose that is the most efficient way of going about this. We both know why we’re here, no reason to beat around the bush. I have a lot of questions.” 

“And I’m here to answer anything that’s on your mind, Lena. You know me, I’m an open book.” Kara paused, then clarified. “Well, for you I am.”

It was meant to be a peace offering of sorts to let Lena know that Kara was putting her trust in Lena’s hands in hopes that Lena would feel like she could put her trust in Kara’s in return.

“Right, well.” Lena cleared her throat, eyes ducking away shyly for a moment, then coming back to meet Kara’s with renewed consideration in them.

Message received, this was to be full open honesty. No holding back.

“You could probably guess my first question then, where have you been the last four years?”

The words came out a tad more hostile than Lena intended and she knew it was too harsh when a nearly unnoticeable flinch crossed Kara’s features. She softened her tone and tried again.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” One hand ran through her hair and the other tugged at the collar of her shirt as she searched for the right way to phrase her hurt thoughts into more diplomatic questions. “I just want to know what happened. Why did you stop writing and calling after you promised you wouldn’t leave me like that? I waited and waited for so long and nothing ever came, I thought… Was I not important to you anymore?”

Her voice cracked at the end and Lena’s Luthor side cursed her for letting that sliver of weakness slip through, though realistically she knew there wasn’t any good way to restrain such strong emotions after them being deeply repressed for a few years. 

 

Despite the hurt flinch, Kara supposed that snapping tone was justified if Lena was really under the impression that Kara had been blatantly ignoring her for the last four years. The only problem was that Kara had been spending these last years fruitlessly sending letters and wondering why Lena wasn’t contacting her.

“Wait a second, I never stopped writing or calling.” Her brow furrowed while her brain tried to fit the pieces together. “I waited forever to get some kind of response from you and even when I got nothing I still sent letter after letter. I think the real question here is why haven’t you been answering me? What happened to all my letters and phone calls?”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Kara knew they came off the wrong way. Her tone was frustrated but it was anger and confusion at the puzzling situation. Though, from the hurt look on Lena’s face, she knew Lena had taken it as anger directed toward her.

 

Anger wasn’t something Lena was used to seeing in Kara but she was beginning to see the start of uncharacteristic frustration in the twitch of Kara’s lip and the downward turn of her brow. It wasn’t that Lena hadn’t seen Kara frustrated before, she had just never seen it directed at her. She had come into this with a clear head but now actually being here, hearing Kara's words sounding relatively like blame, Lena was feeling boiling heat rising inside. She had spent all this time in the dark and now Kara was implying that she caused this? A voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Sam told her not to escalate the situation with more tension but the next heated retort was already on the tip of her tongue along with a scoff for good measure.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Lena cocked her head and leaned forward to put herself in a more aggressive position, a steeled warning glint in her eyes. “I don’t know what world you’ve been living in but I haven’t heard a single thing from you since I hung up our last phone call. Might I remind you that you knew how I felt about being abandoned after being adopted, abused, neglected, and then left behind. You knew that and I think you know damn well I would never abandon you like that without a word or reason because I would never be like my family and I highly object to your accusing tone, trying to turn this on me so you can free yourself from blame!” 

“What world have I been living in?" Kara’s tone turned indignant, her anger may have been misconstrued earlier but Lena had struck a nerve now and Kara wasn’t having it. “I’ve been living inMY world, Lena. Which I’d like to point out that you haven’t been an active part of for years now.” She took a steadying breath and eased her temper, appealing to Lena more softly. “So before you start looking at me like I’m to blame can you just hear me out first, please?”

 

Kara realized things were becoming standoffish too quickly and both their emotions were getting away from them. This wasn’t how they used to talk with each other and it pained Kara to have this raised-voice tension between them. Their communication had been such a strong point in their friendship when they were growing up. It was the reason, Kara believed, that their friendship had been so unique and stable for so long. If someone was hurt, if something was wrong, they would tuck themselves away in the quiet of Kara’s pastel bedroom with soft blankets on their laps and they would talk it out. It was an affair that was held with respect and the promise that their words and feelings would be safe with one another. There was never this kind of animosity before and Kara knew that despite them being older and the setting being a little different, there was no reason why they couldn’t talk like that again.

 

“Just please, try to have a little more faith in me, Lena. I know it’s been a while but I’m the same person you were friends with for all those years. Maybe I’m a little taller and a hopefully a lot smarter now but I’m still the person that cared for you deeply.”

Kara’s distressed crinkle and pleading words broke through Lena’s tenseness and brought her back down to see Kara’s rationale. Anger had it’s place to be heard but this was not the place for it. Her emotions were getting out of her control and she was becoming too reactive. She was losing sight of why she had wanted to be here in the first place. They were here for answers, for clarification and Lena wanted to hear Kara out. She was here for Kara’s side of the story and that needed to be her priority for now. She owed it to Kara and to herself to see that.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Lena breathed out a sigh and rubbed her temples tiredly. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you like that, you didn’t deserve it and that’s not what I came here to do. Let me start this over, if um- if that’s alright with you?”

 Kara smiled encouragingly and the remaining anger disappeared. “I’m sorry too and I think it would be lovely if we started over. Plus, the library probably isn’t the best place to break out a heated fight.” Kara joked and finally the atmosphere of the room cooled down and the stress eased from their shoulders.

“So, there’s clearly some confusing stuff happening here. I haven’t heard anything from you in four years and this whole time I've felt, honestly, really hurt because I’ve been thinking that for some reason you haven’t been trying to contact me. After being your best friend and having you promise not to leave me I’m sure you could imagine that my hurt was warranted and that is where my anger was stemming from. But as you pointed out, I haven’t been in your life for the last four years and I don’t know what was going on at your end. So I guess to put it simply, my question is what is your side of the story?”

  

Kara started from the phone call.

There was so much more to the story before that but she wasn’t sure she was ready to go there yet so she kept it to only what was necessary for now. Once they were more settled and things were cleared up then she would share the rest.

 “I think you’re totally right about there being confusion. You haven’t heard from me since that phone call but from my end of this, I was in the same position. I hadn’t heard from you and I’ve been feeling kind of lost, wondering why you’ve been giving me radio silence. I sat in Midvale without any contact from my best friend thinking maybe she was just too busy or maybe she found better people at her new school and didn’t have the effort to think about me anymore. But I never stopped trying, Lena. I honestly can’t explain why none of my letters reached you but I need you to believe me when I say I never broke my promise. I know how important it was to you and I'd be damned if I intentionally hurt you like that.”

Kara reached her hand across the table, wanting desperately to feel close to Lena. She imagined that maybe her outstretched hand could prove the uninhibited honesty she was putting out. “I wrote you every single month. I sent one letter every month since that phone call. And even though money was a little tight I called when I could but for some reason whenever I did, it told me I didn’t have access to your number. That part was always so strange because it was the same number I called you on just a few months before and it had worked fine then.”

 

Lena’s head was starting to hurt the more Kara spoke. There was an intense pressure in her skull like the sheer amount of thoughts running through her mind were trying to burst out. Going about things logically was one of Lena’s greatest strengths but looking at the facts that Kara was presenting to her wasn’t adding up to a completely clear picture like she wanted it to. Somehow, Kara had been reaching out to her the entire time.

 

How had she not received any of the letters?

 

Why would a phone number just suddenly stop working?

 

Was Kara really telling the truth?

 

“So you’re saying that you’ve sent nearly fifty letters and somehow I haven’t seen any of them?” It was already clear that was what Kara was implying but Lena thought maybe if she heard it one more time some missing piece would magically appear and she would be able to put together a solid explanation.

“Yes. Somehow, nearly fifty of my letters and all of my phone calls never made it to you. Trust me, I know it sounds like a really terrible excuse that I just threw together on my way over here but I swear, I’m telling you the truth. I just don’t have an explanation as to why this happened the way it did.” 

It was certainly a convenient truth that would exonerate Kara from any of the blame Lena may have wrongfully placed on her in her head and Lena was hesitant to accept this when she still had so many new questions now. Still, there was that moment when Kara reached over the table, palm open and fingers extended to Lena in a desperate appeal to the Lena that once trusted her so implicitly. That version of Lena that knew Kara would always take responsibility for any rightful blame despite the consequences rather than ever be dishonest, especially if someone’s feelings were on the line. Lena still had all of those memories as proof to remind her that Kara had never once broken any promise to her yet.

 No person can keep every single promise they make but Lena was certain that when Kara eventually broke a promise to her, it would never be one of this magnitude because Lena could see it in Kara’s eyes, that same unwavering assurance that Lena had always found solace in before.

Lena sagged into the chair and let her shaking head rest in her hands, needing a break from the look of raw adoration and care that Kara was watching her with.

“Firstly, I’ll say that I- I trust you on this. Even though neither of us have a good reason as to why this happened, I trust that this is the truth. I just can’t believe that this is what kept us apart." She puffed out a weighted sigh. "This whole time I’ve been miserable thinking you were done with me or that somehow I messed up what we had and instead it was just something frustratingly out of our hands.”

Lena’s eyes bored into the faux wood pattern of the table as her voice trailed off. Kara could only offer a shrug in response and Lena couldn’t really blame her. A shrug was all she could come up with too, though she made a mental note to look into this more when she had the time and energy. There had to be _something_ , some shred of evidence left behind that would prove this and Lena was certain that she would be able to draw it out eventually.

 

“Thank you, Lena.” Kara’s whole body visibly settled into a state of relief. “I know this hasn’t been easy but if it is any comfort, I’ll be here for you if you need it. You’re still so important to me, Lena.”

Kara’s outstretched hand was commanding Lena’s attention as she soaked in the dizzying feelings that Kara’s affectionate words were generating. Lena’s heart was pounding so heavily that she could feel it pulsing in the tips of her fingers like an unconscious nudge for her to reach out and take kara’s hand. There were so many words going through her head, so many things she wanted to say but none of them felt appropriate after Kara’s heartfelt ones so Lena followed her instincts instead and loosely tangled her fingers into Kara’s.

The soft touch was enough to bring her anxiety down from a boil to a simmer but her headache was still raging at full force. She came with questions, got answers but now was leaving with more questions than she showed up with. There wasn’t any way some fifty letters disappeared by accident, right? Who would have access to the letters if they weren’t being sent to Lena? Her mind began down a sleuthing path, already forming a list of people to question but it seemed those thoughts would have to wait for another day. Kara interrupted her before she could go any further, though Lena was glad for the distraction. Perhaps any more puzzling should be postponed until she's had a decent nap.

 

“So, you seem a little bit overwhelmed. And I totally get that, I’m feeling it too. It’s just, I can tell you’re starting to do that thing where you withdraw into your thoughts and I think maybe it’s best to put off any rabbit-holing after a kind of intense conversation.” Kara rubbed her thumb over top of Lena’s knuckles soothingly. “Do you maybe want some time to go home to think and process? It is getting a little late anyway.”

Lena let go of Kara’s hand and leaned back fully in her chair, paying no mind to the poor posture it forced her body into.

 “I think home sounds really good right now.” She spoke quietly, her eyes still zoned out and unfocused.

Kara chewed her lip in contemplation, unsure if she should let Lena be alone, though her impulses wanted to offer comfort, to make sure Lena was doing okay and that someone would be at home with her in case she needed to talk. Bleary exhaustion was the prominent emotion on Lena’s face while she stared blankly into space, her mind clearly still spinning around endlessly.

Kara grabbed he skateboard and umbrella under one arm, pushed her chair back and stood. Again, she held her hand out to Lena, now with no table between them. She tried not to waver when Lena gazed up at her through dark lashes with a look that made Kara’s stomach plummet in the most pleasant way. It was a tired, vulnerable look with eyebrows drawn up, creating a scrunched line between them. Kara wanted nothing more than to drag Lena up into her arms and promise never to let her go again if it would keep her from ever feeling so forlorn. But now wasn’t the time for that kind of gesture. Lena was slow to trust and although Kara had seemed to get Lena to believe that her story was true, she knew there would need to be time to refill the cracks of doubt that Lena now held.

 

 After a few more moments of holding her arm out, Kara was burning red and uncertain if she was overstepping until Lena’s lip twitched just a tiny bit and her hand slipped into Kara’s. With eyebrows raised, Kara gave her a look, wordlessly asking if she was ready. Lena’s free hand slung her bag over her shoulder and she nodded a confirmation. 

Lena could feel the eyes of people watching as she let Kara lead her out of the library by her hand, but she was too preoccupied with the warm fingers slotted between her own to really care much about that.

At the edge of the steps, standing on just under the protection of the awning Lena felt more at ease again. The rain was coming down in heavy pour and the sound brought on a wave of calmness and made Lena’s tiredness feel more prominent.

Reluctantly, she let go of Kara’s hand and pointed out down the road, letting her hand catch some of the falling droplets. “I’m going left.”

 Kara gestured with her shoulder while she popped her umbrella open. “I’m going right.”

Lena tucked her arms through the loops of her bag and took her first step toward the rain, anticipating the sensation of water dripping down against her skin, but it never came.

 

“Wait!” Kara’s hand wrapped gently around her wrist.

 

 Kara’s whole body seemed to be squirming in place and Lena watched with fascination as Kara drew her bottom lip between her teeth again. It was a habit Kara always had but only now was it becoming such a point of interest for Lena. Something about the action made her long to reach out and touch, to run her thumb along Kara’s mouth and draw that lip back out so she could feel the indents left behind against her skin.

Lena dared not let her mind imagine what she might do next.

Instead she forced her eyes back up to Kara’s and gave her a questioning look to which Kara answered, 

 “It’s raining, Lena.”

 “Umm, Yes, it is?” Lena quirked her brow and looked between Kara’s wide eyes and the fingers tapping against her wrist.

 Kara scrunched up her nose and shook her head quickly, trying to find the words to articulate herself more elegantly. “Sorry, I just mean, it’s raining and you don’t have an umbrella. You’ll get all wet if you walk home like that.”

“Oh.” Lena waved the thought aside. “I did forget to bring one this morning, but I’ll be fine. Your concern is sweet though.” She moved to leave again but Kara’s grip, though gentle, didn’t lessen. Lena had apparently also forgotten about the stubbornness that ran in the Danvers family, especially when it came to trying to help and protect those close to them. 

“Lena.” The name came out almost as a whine, a plea for Lena to see her reasoning. “You don’t even have a jacket or a hood!” Kara gestured widely with her arms as if that made her point more convincing somehow. “You could get sick or something. Please, let me walk you home. I can keep you dry.” 

“Kara, really I’ll be fine. I don’t mind the rain. Don’t let me hold you up from getting home.” Lena began to protest again but she saw the set in Kara’s jaw and her bottom lip just beginning to jut out the slightest bit and she knew Kara was physically struggling to hold back from begging. She shifted from foot to foot, grappling with not wanting to let Lena go out and get wet or sick but also not wanting to push her into something she didn’t want.

The protectiveness was incredibly familiar and the sweetness of it all, from Kara’s pleading eyes to her flustered fidgeting, drew a genuine, easy smile onto Lena’s lips. She let out a good-natured sigh and relented.

“Okay Kara, you may walk me home.”

And just like that Kara was smiling brightly and Lena was riding a rush as her heart skipped a beat at the realization that despite their distance, Lena would still do anything to make Kara Danvers smile like that every day.

 

They stepped out into the rain together towards Lena’s dorm under the safety of Kara’s rainbow umbrella and the quiet patter of rain above their heads. Lena was grateful for the silence between them while she tried to figure out if she was happy or scared that Kara was still able to so easily pull such strong emotion from her. Being around Kara had always been when Lena felt the most comfortable and the most alive and it was beginning to seem like not even a few years of silence could dampen that.

The thought of it was definitely a little jarring. Through all the tears and the doubts and the unanswered question, Kara still held a steady spot in Lena’s heart.

 By the time they reached her building, Lena had talked herself into a calm mindset about it all, letting herself enjoy secret glances up at Kara’s unwavering smile while their shoulders brushed against one another.

 There was still some lingering skepticism, warning Lena not to put her trust in Kara until all of her questions were answered but it was losing against the full feeling in Lena’s chest that was making her notice just how much she had missed Kara and all the little things about her that made Lena love her so much in the first place.

She wanted to soak up these good feelings while they lasted as she was very aware now that any moment with someone could potentially be the last. Unfortunately, they were already at her door where Kara was meant to leave her.

 

“It was really good to talk to you again Lena.” Kara pulled idly at the sleeve of her sweatshirt, not wanting to walk away just yet. But Lena needed time and Kara wanted to make sure Lena felt like her feelings were being respected. “I’ll let you get inside and warm up. We can talk some more after you’ve had some time to yourself. I’ll come by the library later this week.”  
  
Kara waved and turned to go, determined not to look back or she was afraid she may not be able to pull herself away.

This time is was Kara’s turn to be surprised when Lena’s hand circled her wrist and stopped her from going back out into the rain

 

“Wait, Kara."

 

She looked back to find Lena worrying her lip as she tugged Kara’s arm, pulling her back out of the rain. Her eyebrow raised in question but she didn’t speak, letting Lena take her time to decide if she was going to go through with what her heart was persuading her to do.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to hold you up if you have somewhere to go or stuff to do, I just- I was wondering if you wanted to come inside.” She cleared her throat. “With me.”  


The question was rewarded with another unrestrained grin from Kara who looked down at Lena like she was the only person in the world that mattered. Suddenly, Lena got a feeling that she didn’t quite know what she was getting herself into anymore but still, she took a step backwards through the doorway to her place and pulled Kara with her.

The butterflies in her stomach were awake again, making Lena's nerves light up with uncertainty, but any of her worries would have easily been swept away if she knew the only thing going through Kara’s mind at that moment was the recognition that she might just follow Lena anywhere as she let herself be led out of the cold and into the allure of possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by!   
> Hope you liked what you saw here :)
> 
> Any comments, concerns, questions or anything else you're feeling, let me know!!


	5. Haven't You Noticed (I'm A Star)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually managed to get this one out in time despite my move although my room is still a mess of boxes at the moment and I'm impressed with myself for that. Chapter freaking five. And yes the chapter title is taken from the Steven Universe song. This chapter gives us a better look at some developing Agentreign who I adore, some more from the Supercorp darlings and some shit you may need to buckle your seatbelt for. I hope you like it! I also have some questions in the end notes that if you have time to answer, I would super appreciate it!  
> Next update will come a week from now so long as no unforeseen problems come up!

A long day of classes, and picking up an extra shift at work at the end of it all resulted in a very exhausted Samantha Arias who, at this point in the night, really just wanted to go home and collapse on her bed to retreat into sleep for a very long time.

The contents of her day included three grueling business classes, two general classes that ended up being completely and utterly pointless to attend. Then to cap it all off she had a shift at the Office of Sustainability on campus. Tonight was originally supposed to be her night off but they were short staffed and Sam got tapped to fill in.

Not that she didn’t love being able to work for some positive cause, something to help the environment, but she was simply too exhausted to feel a care at the moment. She’d worked in her classes to get good grades so she could compete with the meatheads she often came across in business school and the sexism that was integrated in her field. Then after that she had to fight even more at work with the University Board who didn’t seem to have any care for the fact that the environment was being damaged so long as they were making their profit.

Needless to say, Sam was emotionally and physically drained from all the fighting and her bed was calling her name as she stumbled her way into the bedroom she shared with Lena. Her bag was abandoned near the door and she shucked off her jacket which was tossed somewhere she hoped wasn’t the floor but at this point, she didn’t care all that much. 

The quest to flop on her bed was put on pause however, when a tiny snore caught her attention and she realized she wasn’t alone. And she did have Lena as her roommate but it wasn’t just Lena here with her, someone else was laying in Lena’s bed.

With Lena.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, knowing Lena didn’t have many friends around campus let alone people she would be comfortable with being in her bed.

When they’d first moved in together Lena had disclosed that she found the bedroom and bed in particular to be a kind of sacred personal space. The bedroom was a place to be by yourself, to feel at home, it was something you could have to yourself that was not to be touched unless explicit permission was given.

Sam had quietly snorted at how passionately Lena described her ideal bed protocol but didn’t question it. She understood the importance of having something that feels like a safe place and she respected the boundary until finally one day, Lena invited her to sit up on her bed so they could share a bowl of popcorn together.

That night, they ended up staying awake sharing stories about home, hopes for the future and the many worries and insecurities they felt.

A lot of common ground was found that night. They had gotten along well before but Sam had felt like that was the moment they finally really connected and solidified their friendship.

Lena talked about her family and the impossible expectations they held her to, always pushing her to be the best, even better than her brother but never acknowledging any of her accomplishments. Lena had been unusually smart for her age and excelled at most things she did but she still pushed herself extra hard in hopes that one day she might get some word of encouragement. 

Sam shared that she pushed herself a bit too hard as well but because her family didn’t expect anything from her. At a young age she became very aware that her parents wouldn’t be able to send her to college unless she got a scholarship. But she also became aware that they didn’t expect her to go to college at all. She was encouraged to settle for a low wage job and just live to survive. So at the age of twelve, Sam set her sights on getting into University and kicked into over-achiever mode, going through many long nights of studying and tears and exhaustion that only escalated once she added a job on top of it.

Luckily, all of the painstaking hours paid off.

When she graduated high school she had an academic scholarship and an athletic scholarship for track, thanks to her long legs, which covered all of her expenses.

 

Both women had been forced to grow up a little too quickly and had accumulated plenty of stress after all that time, but now at least they had each other to lean on, someone with shared experience.

Sam would remember that particular night with fondness as it was the first night that Lena had really shown her vulnerable side and began to prove that she trusted Sam. It was the catalyst that opened the door for their friendship to grow closer and stronger. But that had taken time to manifest, and Sam was pretty sure that no one else at school was as close to Lena as she was. So that begged the question, who was this stranger in Lena’s bed that had somehow bypassed all of the walls and boundaries Lena had so carefully set?

 

Sam crept quietly toward Lena’s bed and craned her neck to get a better look at the stranger who, to Sam’s great amusement, was in fact not a stranger at all.

It was one, Kara Danvers laying on her back with Lena’s head resting on her bicep.

 

_'Oh, that’s rich.'_

Sam smirked, already looking forward to breaking her record for how red she could get Lena’s face through some relentless teasing. This development gave her a whole host of roasting material on her dear, snuggly friends.

All in good time though, she would give them some space before bringing it up because right now they just looked too sweet and comfortable. The sight of them curled up made Sam’s tired heart warm, knowing they were working out whatever happened between them.

As quietly as she could, Sam dug out her polaroid camera from her desk and snapped a picture of their peaceful faces, capturing the cute milestone for later. Then, satisfied that she had done her job as a good friend, Sam set her camera down and finally allowed herself to collapse onto her bed, incredibly thankful that the next day started the weekend with no obligation of class to wake up for.

  

\----------

 

The opportunity to tease someone over the picture came a few weeks later when Sam stopped by Kara’s apartment, bursting through the door after her shift at work.

She bustled into a scene that felt incredibly reflective of the university student experience. Lucy and James sat at the table eating cereal for dinner while Winn sat on the couch, hands in his hair, stressing over some painstaking programming project and Kara lying next to him with her feet sticking up and her head hanging upside down off the edge of the couch as she looked over her notes.

 

Sam regarded the roommates in their various positions with her hands on her hips.

“So, how is everybody? Doing alright?”  


 

A few grunts and groans were the collective answer to her question, much to Sam’s amusement.

“Sounds like you’re all doing swell. Isn’t anybody excited for the gig tonight?”  


Kara swung her legs down and sat upright, tossing whatever notes she was studying haphazardly onto the floor. “Its not that we aren’t stoked for the show, we just definitely aren’t as stoked for our obligation to do the homework we’ve been neglecting first.”

Winn slapped her notebook shut and nodded in agreement. “Speaking of which, I’m starting to get a headache from this so I’m gonna go back to neglecting it for now. Anyone know where the painkillers are? I don’t want to play a show with this killer headache.

James pointed behind him with his spoon and mumbled through a mouthful of cereal.

“Cabinet on the right, bud.”

  

“So Sam,” Kara stood and stretched out her limbs, taking great pleasure in the cracks and pops her body made. “What brings you around our neck of the woods?”

“I’ll be out of your hair shortly so you guys can get ready for the show.” Sam reached into her bag and grabbed the blue binder out.  “I just stopped by to give Lucy back her notes, thanks for letting me borrow them by the way.” She tossed it down on the table, gave everyone a wave and made her way back towards the door with Kara following one step behind her.

“Hey Sam?” She touched Sam’s elbow, stopping her in the doorway. “You’re coming to the show tonight right? It wouldn’t be the same if our biggest supporter wasn’t there.”  


Kara gave her best charming smile, a cheesy appeal that made Sam grin although she wasn’t sure why Kara still felt the need to convince Sam to come to the shows. By now no convincing was needed, Sam was at every show she could possibly go to. These people were all her dear friends which did give some sort of bias but even putting aside their relationships, Sam genuinely enjoyed their music. Her friends just really knew how to rock a crowd. Sam had been witness to the excited reactions the band got at a lot of their shows, sometimes getting even louder cheers than the main act they were opening for and it made Sam swell with pride. 

 

“Kara, of course I’ll be there. You know I don’t miss unless I have a track meet or some unavoidable homework.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re reliable as heck. But, I was wondering since you’ll be there and you know, Lena is your roommate…”  


Kara’s fingers twisted nervously as she trailed off, giving Sam a look that said she was hoping Sam would put together what she was asking without having to clarify completely.

And while Sam definitely put the pieces together, she feigned confusion anyway, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. There was no way Kara was getting off the hook so easy.

“Yes, Lena is my roommate. What about her?”

 

“I was just wondering, I never got a chance to ask her myself but we’ve been kind of doing alright recently so I thought maybe you could see if she wanted to come to the show too? She still hasn’t seen us perform so maybe she’d want to tag along with you because I want- well, I just was hoping she would want to see me.”

“So.” Sam drawled, full of smugness as she leaned herself casually against the doorframe. “You want me to get Lena to come to the show tonight so you can show off a little? Because we both know being in a band is a solid boost when you’re trying to woo a girl.”

“It’s not- I mean, I wouldn’t call it wooing, necessarily.” Kara sputtered under Sam’s pleased gaze. “I just want her to see what I’ve created. That’s all. I want her to know her influence helped bring me to where I am now musically-speaking, among other things.” Kara’s face heated up quickly as she tried to deflect Sam’s implications, though they certainly had some merit to them. Kara hadn’t planned on divulging that bit of information just yet but she caved under Sam’s teasing.

 “Okay fine! Maybe I kind of want her to come so she can see me up on stage and I can woo her with my music but please, _please_ don’t mention that part when you’re inviting her because I don’t want her to get freaked out or anything. We’ve been catching up in the last few weeks and I think she’s starting to feel comfortable again and I really don’t need the fact that I find her unfairly attractive getting in the way yet.”

 Kara refused to meet Sam’s eyes for more than a few seconds at a time through the rushed explanation, embarrassed at having to admit her untimely feelings, though Sam seemed to be enjoying it far more than Kara was.

 

“I knew it! You’re totally crushing-“

 

“ _Shhhh_ Sam, holy crap!” Kara hissed and pulled door closed against her back, pushing them both outside. “I don’t need the whole world knowing it, can we please tone it down! I just think she’s a really great friend that’s super important to me and maybe she happens to be really freaking gorgeous too but that doesn’t necessarily have to mean anything.”

“But it does. It does mean something more, doesn’t it.” Sam softened and stepped in closer, running her hand along Kara’s arm. “That’s why you were all cozied up together in her bed the other night.”

“I…” Kara tried for words but they all got stuck in her throat so she waved the thought away and stepped back through the door. “Please just ask her? And hopefully I’ll see you both there tonight.” She offered an apologetic smile, knowing she wasn’t answering Sam’s question, but Sam took the avoidance as enough of a telling answer and she backed off.

 “Alright, go get ready. I’ll see you tonight, hot shot. You’re gonna kill it.”  


Kara closed the door behind her and fell back against it with a thump, letting out a heavy sigh.

 

“Let’s sure hope I do.”

 

\----------

 

Things really had been moving along nicely with Lena in the last few weeks. They had yet to stray into deeper subjects, still treading gently around each other. Every time they hung out they stepped a little closer to opening up to each other but it was all baby steps, slow and steady progress. It wasn’t nearly as much as Kara wanted but she was content with it for now because she knew if she remained patient Lena would open up to her again. Or at least she hoped that would be the case. Nothing was certain but Kara was feeling pretty optimistic.

 The night after their talk when Lena invited her up was the sign, the beginning of Kara seeing Lena let herself relax around Kara. Her walls had come down quite a bit that night and it was almost like seeing Lena as she had been four years ago.

 

Admittedly, Kara had been more than a little confused at first when Lena stopped her and invited her upstairs. After such an emotionally taxing night Lena had looked positively worn out and when Kara suggested that she go home and take some time to herself, Lena had seemed incredibly relieved. Kara had been ready to part ways with her at the library to respect that need for time and space, but then it was raining and Lena had no umbrella or jacket and one thing led to another, she found herself following a few steps behind Lena up to her dorm room.

The entire affair was silent while Lena slid her keys into the lock, tossed her bag down on the floor, flicked her desk lamp on and slipped her shoes off of her tired feet, all while Kara stood just inside the doorway, bag hanging limply off her arm. She didn’t move a muscle, not wanting to do anything unless she had Lena’s permission. The time they had spent together in the library was tenuous and although there was a sort of calm between them now, Kara still felt nervous, like she might make one wrong move and mess this all up.

 

Lena gestured for Kara to come in, unfazed by Kara’s awkwardness. “You can leave you bag and skateboard next to my desk if you’d like.”

She turned back to her bed, pulling it back into more presentable shape. She wasn’t used to having guests so her bed wasn’t made properly.

 

Kara did as she was told and resumed anxiously fidgeting with her hands. “So, don’t take this the wrong way but, why did you invite me up? It’s not that I don’t want to be here, of course I love to be around you, I just thought you wanted some time to process?"

 

Lena paused, resting her hands on the bed, her gaze focused blankly on the plain white cinderblock walls. Kara cringed after the seventh second of silence passed by and was about to retract her question and apologize when Lena blessedly saved her from any backtracking rambles. 

Her voice was quiet, almost weak and it made Kara’s heart break for her.

“I’m just tired, Kara. I’m tired physically. I’m tired emotionally and I don’t want to think anymore today because I’m tired of thinking too.” She paused again and turned to meet Kara’s eyes. “And you’re right, I don’t want to talk. I do need time to process all of this because I don’t have all of the answers I’d like to have. But I will have plenty of time for that later. All I have for certain is that you’re here and I’ve been missing you over something neither of us could control. So if you would be so inclined, I would like nothing more than to just lay here with someone I care for and soak in their presence before I wake up and find it was all a dream.”

 

Lena’s voice had begun to shake the tiniest bit and Kara’s body jerked one step forward to reach out and off comfort. Kara’s heart was pounding when after Lena’s words and she found herself holding back a grin knowing that Lena missed her. Hearing those words made all of the stress from the rest of the day melt off of her shoulders.

 

“I would be very inclined to just lay and exist with you, Lena. For as long as you’ll have me”

 

Lena’s body visibly released its tension when she didn’t receive rejection at the request and Kara made it her mission to restore Lena’s faith in her, to make sure she didn’t need to be nervous about rejection with Kara.

 

Lena climbed onto the bed and beckoned Kara over with a nod of her head, reminding her to take her shoes off before climbing in next to Lena on top of the covers. They lay still for a few minutes, each staring up at the ceiling with their hands clasped over their chests.

 Kara kept glancing over, internally building up the courage to speak, but Lena turned to meet her gaze, giving her a look that told her she’d been caught staring too long. It was a look with something indiscernible in the eyes but there was an upward quirk at the end of Lena’s lip so Kara knew she wasn’t in trouble and it was enough to give Kara the nerve to ask.

“Forgive me if this is uh, a weird question but, do you want me to touch you? Like, okay. I know that sounds weird-” Kara grinned when Lena quietly snorted at her question and she nudged Lena’s arm with one hand. “Don’t laugh at me! You know what I mean, don’t leave me floundering here, Lena.”

“Sorry, sorry. I do know what you mean.” Lena covered another chuckle with the back of her hand. “I would like that. I don’t want to be held, that feels… it feels like too much right now but I want to feel a little closer to you.” It was a shy admittance that had Kara’s heart blooming with the softness Lena was displaying.

 

“Here.” Kara shifted onto her back. “How about you use me as a pillow? You can keep your distance but still feel me here.”

 Kara laid her arm out flat in offering and Lena accepted it nearly immediately, scooting forward on her side to rest her head against Kara’s bicep with one hand lying on Kara’s shoulder, those being the only two places their bodies touched. But that was enough for now, enough to let them both loosen into contentment.

 

Kara wasn’t exactly sure how much time passed since they found their comfortable position nor was she certain Lena was still awake now that at least an hour had gone by but she couldn’t get something Lena said out of her head and it felt important to address before going back to honoring the no talking request.

 She turned her head and whispered softly. “By the way, Lena, it won’t be a dream. When you wake up tomorrow this won’t be just a dream.”

 

“I’m real. I’m here.”

 

 

Now a few weeks had passed and Kara was getting a sense that Lena was starting to come to terms with the reality that Kara was going to be present in her life and they could be close friends again. It was all within their grasp.

And although Kara had accepted that it was a slow process, it was a bit disappointing that there hadn’t been another opportunity for them to just exist together like that first night. Lena was getting used to Kara’s tactileness which she had been missing. When she was away, Lena hadn't experienced much physical affection and she needed to familiarize herself with that again.

This was something Kara had no issue with. She would have loved to be able to just pull Lena in for a hug every time they saw each other but Lena wasn’t there yet. Instead, they developed this new dynamic that felt almost like subtle flirting, like Kara was politely courting Lena every time she asked if some physical affection was okay or checked in that Lena wasn’t overwhelmed. For this, Kara was rewarded with a thankful Lena and abundant bashful smiles.

 

Kara wouldn’t say it was an unwelcome new dynamic at all, just an unexpected one that brought on more unexpected feelings and that was what was going to get her in trouble.

 They were those pesky feelings of longing for Lena when they weren’t together. The admiration when Lena would talk about what she was learning in classes and the heart throbbing whenever Lena smiled at her that made Kara want to show her affections in ways that pushed beyond the friendly boundary.

 It was a feeling that Kara thought she should address eventually, but maybe when things were more settled.  For now, she would stick with trying to be a good friend and showing her feelings in subtle hints. That was enough for Kara. 

 

\---------- 

 

“So where are we going again?”

 

Lena looped her arm through Sam’s to make sure she didn’t lose her as they made their way out of the busy metro station, weaving through the crowds, up into the heart of National City.

“The show is at this place called The Underground. It’s a few blocks down this way.” Sam kept a firm hold on Lena, leading her out into the streets.

 

The city was a marvel at night, lit up with mesmerizing lights and thriving with life. It was a Friday night and all of the weary people who suited up for work in the mornings were dressed casual for a night of music, movies, theater and adventure.

The university was a bit further out on the outskirts of the main bustling city area and Lena didn’t get many opportunities to come out due to her considerable work load. She had been so thankful when Sam came home and asked her to go to the show so she had an excuse to come to the city and bask in the bright lights and vibrant energy. Plus she would finally get to see Kara’s band perform for the first time.

 

True to it’s name, The Underground featured a stage that was underground. A flashy arrow over the building pointed to a rusty stairwell that led down to the entrance. It wasn’t a fancy venue by any means, more of a dive but it was still a chance for the band to spread their music and earn a little cash.

 Sam muscled them to the front to get a good spot while they waited for the first band of the night to make their way off stage. “Kara’s up next. They should be on any minute now.” Sam leaned in closer to speak over the crowd. “I’m gonna issue a warning right now, I will be screaming my support loudly, so prepare yourself.”

 Lena’s teasing response was cut off by a loud voice cutting over the rest of the chatter.

 

“Hey, Arias!”

 

They both turned to the source of the call and found a charming, smiling Alex Danvers making their way over. Lena felt Sam’s grip on her arm tighten significantly and Lena barely suppressed her smirk at the panicked look in Sam’s eyes which was distinctly communicating a plea for back-up.

Alex waved and Lena nudged Sam to get her to wave back.

“Just relax and be your lovable self.” Lena whispered and put on a smile, ready to activate her wingwoman skills if needed. Sam had been immensely helpful to her and Lena was ready to repay the favor, especially when she saw the starry-eyed way Sam was looking at Alex right now.

Alex was definitely giving her a similar look although Sam wasn’t registering it in the midst of her alarm at being confronted with her crush.

 

“Good to see you again Sam. Oh, and little Luthor too. It’s been a while, yeah?”

 

Lena returned Alex’s smile, doing well to hide her nerves. This interaction was an inevitable one now that Kara was in her life again but Lena was a bit nervous to be seeing the older sibling of her friend and sort-of-crush after Kara had been hurting over Lena.  There was no way that the protective Danvers genes didn’t make Alex hate her for that unless Kara had cleared up the misunderstanding already.

 Luckily, there wasn’t any clear indication of animosity at the moment. Though Lena thought maybe that was only because Alex knew Lena was a very close friend of the person they were currently pining after. Either way, Lena was grateful for the amicable start. She had missed the whole Danvers family in the time spent apart, including Alex.

 

“It's good to see you too, Alex. You’re looking well. Hopefully we’ll see more of each other around?”

Lena offered the extension of her company as a way to gauge how Alex might feel about her and she was met with an easy smile.

 But this wasn’t supposed to be about her so Lena nudged Sam’s shoulder and did her job as a good friend.

“You’re always welcome to come see our place. Sam and I share a room so if you want to come see me, you’ll definitely see some of this lovely lady as well.”

 

Alex turned her attention back to Sam and Lena watched their eyes take on this softer look.

“That's right. I was hoping to see you tonight, Sam. We haven’t had a chance to speak since that last party.”

Alex stood with their hands in their pockets of their leather jacket, hair swept back revealing the buzzed sides and Lena had to admit, Alex Danvers had grown into that androgynous butch style _incredibly_ well. Last she had seen them, they had just been coming into their non-binary identity, still unsure of how to express it in a way that felt right for them. Now it seemed they had found confidence in the sort of neutral middle ground and it really worked for them, not to mention it was clearly working for Sam too.

 

Sam’s nerves showed through her laugh a little but she successfully responded without stuttering.

“Yeah, sorry about that by the way. I totally messed up your shirt and I felt really bad because you were all wet and that shirt looked really nice on you but I had to go and ruin it. I’m really such a clumsy person sometimes. Well, specifically when I’m drunk I guess.”

Alex chuckled and dismissed the apology. “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t mind at all. I actually thought it was good luck to have such a beautiful person fall straight into my arms. I was only disappointed you disappeared before I could tell you that last time.”

 

Both Lena and Sam’s eyebrows raised at that comment. Lena because she couldn’t believe how smooth Alex Danvers had gotten since their early days of being a full-on gay disaster.

 Meanwhile, Sam was caught up in the fact that her level of attraction to this person just increased ten-fold and the compliment grew her own confidence just a bit too.

 “Well, I guess I can agree with you on that. I’m only sorry I didn’t’ hang around longer then.”  


Sam and Alex got a bit of back and forth flirting going on that had Lena beaming with pride. It appeared her wingwoman back-up was no longer needed for the evening once the two settled into their own little world. So Lena turned her attention back to the stage where Winn, Lucy and Jmaes were already set up and starting into the intro to their first song.

A steady layering of textures built up until that empty spot in front of the microphone was filled with Kara Danvers and her bass slung around her shoulder.

The confidence she displayed on stage was overwhelming even before she started singing. Kara wrapped her hand around the microphone and leaned in close with a smirk on her face that had Lena shaking her her black and white vans.

“I hope you guys are ready for a good time.”  
Her voice was low and raspy, a tone that was bordering on sultry that transfixed Lena.

She gaped at the woman behind the mic, unable to hold back her blatant staring, though at the moment she didn’t even care about that, not even if Sam teased her about it later because what she was seeing right now was something entirely new.

 

Kara on stage was a whole different experience than any other version of Kara she had ever seen before. She looked radiant with the bright lights putting a glow off her golden hair and shining on the skin that was bared by her sleeveless tank top. Lena allowed herself a moment to shamelessly admire the way Kara’s muscles flexed while she played her bass, fingers moving skillfully along the strings.

On stage with the support of her music and her band behind her, Kara was unrestrained, the brightness in her eyes more alight with passion than usual. Lena never knew Kara to be exactly shy, but Kara still held reservations, she was careful and bashful and incredibly sweet, but now, she was so much more.

 

_‘So this is what I’ve missed in the last four years.’_

Lena grinned up at the stage, her smile growing wider with each song. This is who Kara had grown to be, a more comfortable, bold version of herself. Lena could tell why Sam always bragged about the band now, she could see the energy they had, led brilliantly by Kara and her unending passion to make music from her heart.

Lena even found herself yelling along with the rest of the crowd as the show progressed, though she tried to retain some modesty as she did it. The combined shouts of her, Alex and Sam caught Kara’s attention and earned them a grin and a surprisingly smooth wink that Lena could almost swear was directed at her specifically. Maybe that was just what the fluttering in her heart was hoping for but either way, at the end of their set Lena was on a high as she watched the band waving and making their way off stage with huge smiles on their faces.

 Kara had been fantastic.

 The rest of the band was wonderful as well, but Kara, she had held Lena’s attention the whole show and Lena couldn’t wait to tell her how proud she was.

 

She turned back to Sam and tugged her hand.

“Hey, do we get to go backstage to see them? I want to- woah. Sam are you alright?”

Lena rubbed ran her hands up Sam’s arms calmly as she took in her friend’s pale, somber face. Her appearance radiated nausea as she shook her head pitifully, arms wrapped protectively around her stomach.  
“I don’t feel so good Lena.”

 Lena laid the back of her hand against Sam’s sweaty forehead and found her skin burning.

 Sam let out a pained whimper and Lena felt her heart twist at the pure misery marred on Sam’s features. Her body was hunched, like she was caving in on herself and her voice was small and weak when she spoke again..

“Can we go home please?” 

Lena nodded quickly. “Of course, darling. Let’s get you home.” One arm wrapped around Sam’s waist for support as they made for the exit, bumping into Alex amongst the crowd.

 

“Hey, is Sam alright? What happned? Do you need my help?”

The Danvers protectiveness emerged  as soon as Alex got a good look at Sam’s distress, their arm reached out to for comfort but they hesitated, unsure if their touch was wanted right now.

 Lena shook her head and pulled Sam tighter to her side. “I’m not sure what happened but Sam isn’t feeling good so I’m gonna take her home. I can get her there myself, we share a room so it’s not problem. Could you tell Kara and the others though? I know they’ll worry when they don’t see Sam after the show.”

Alex chewed their lip as if they wanted to argue, to make Lena let them help but they knew their help would be just as appreciated if they did as they were asked so they kept their mouth shut and nodded in confirmation. “Alright, just get yourselves home safe and please come get us if you need anything. We’ll all be at Kara’s.”

 

Lena thanked her and turned back to the exit, pulling Sam out into the open towards the subway station across the street.

 Sam held Lena’s hand tightly the whole way over, squeezing harshly with every bump and shake of the subway car. The volatile movements were only making her more nauseous and green.

By the time they got off at their stop, Sam had sweat beading on her forehead and upper lip. The cool air outside brought a tiny relief to her but every step she took was punctuated with a strained whimper.

 

Lena barely had two feet over the threshold of their room before Sam had broken from her grip and dashed for the toilet, immediately throwing up the contents of her stomach.

“Oh fuck.” Lena huffed and pulled the tie out of her own hair, rushing to Sam’s side to pull her wavy hair up into a messy bun and out of the range of splatter.

She knelt down and rubbed soothing circles along Sam’s back through it all, only leaving once to get a wet washcloth to lay across Sam’s hot neck.

It took a few more minutes of intermittent dry heaving and gagging until the storm seemed to finally pass and Sam slumped down bonelessly against the toilet, leaning her forehead against her arms. She let out an anguished moan and Lena sighed, tapping Sam’s arm to encourage her to lift her head so Lena could wipe the sweat and spit from her mouth and chin.

She gave Sam a sad smile and stroked a stray hair back behind Sam’s ear. “Alright darling, looks like it finally passed. Are you feeling any better?”

Sam looked up through weary eyes and nodded, though her head looked ready to fall back onto her arms again.

 

Lena rubbed her back once more and stood, offering Sam her hand.

“Let’s get you to bed. You probably just ate something bad, you’ll sleep it off.”

 

But Sam kept her eyes trained on the tile floor where a few tear drops began collecting.

 “No.”   


Lena let her hand fall to her side and crouched back down, her brow furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean? Do you know why you got sick? Did someone slip you something at the show?"

 Lena shuffled closer and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder, urging her to clarify. This kind of behavior wasn’t normal for Sam and to say it was worrying would be a huge understatement.

 

Sam simply shook her head and looked into Lena’s eyes through a watery gaze, one that let Lena see the fear in them plainly and it made a shiver run up her spine.

 

“No. I didn’t get roofied, I didn’t eat something bad. I- I think I’m pregnant, Lena.”

 

 Sam broke into sobs and buried her face in her hands.

" Oh god, I really think I’m pregnant, Lena.”

 

Lena couldn’t help the initial gasp of shock that slipped out, but she moved into action quickly, gathering her crying friend into her arms. She sat back against the cabinet and pulled Sam to her chest, letting her head lay delicately on Lena’s shoulder. There was fear building in her own chest, but she pushed it down, she imagined the fear Sam was feeling right now was unimaginable.

 

So many questions came to mind but Lena knew this wasn’t the time for that. She just held Sam and hoped the closeness made her feel a bit safer. Lena couldn’t offer much else. She couldn’t reassure her or tell her everything would be okay because she honestly didn’t know that. How could anyone know.

 

Lena let out a tired sigh into Sam’s hair and laid a kiss there.

 

This definitely wasn’t how she saw her night going at all, and now sitting on the bathroom floor, stroking Sam’s back gently, she wasn’t sure how anything might go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you're liking this so far!
> 
> We are SO close to these crazy kids to getting their feelings out there and I'm hype  
> Also, don't worry too much about Sam, I promised in the tags everyone gets a happy ending here and I am sticking to that. 
> 
> Are you guys feeling like the pacing is going okay?  
> Got any thoughts or questions or concerns?  
> Your feedback is important to me!


	6. Let Me Be Your Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So we've got a longer chapter this time but there was a lot to pack in. I enjoyed writing this chapter, though it took a few rewrites. I'm actually surprised I managed to get it out on time. It's bringing us that much closer to these losers finally talking about their feelings and I really can't wait for that to come up. I hope you all are still enjoying these updates! I'll see you next week with another one :)

Lena wakes the next morning to a dull throb in her head and an ache in her lower back. A quiet groan slipped from her lips as she rolled out of bed, already she knew it was going to be a long day. She wasn’t sure how long she’d spent curled up on the bathroom floor last night, cradling Sam and comforting her, but it was really taking a toll on her body now.

“Motherfucker.” Lena hissed and rubbed at her back fruitlessly. She slid her slippers on and dragged herself to the bathroom to wash the remnants of the night before off her skin. Something about a scalding hot shower helped ease Lena’s stress and took her mind off of the impending conversations this day might hold. She allowed herself an extra minute to just bask in the heat, stretching out her body and letting the warm water be a balm to her aching limbs.

Her skin was tinted red from the water temperature and her fluffy white towel contrasted starkly against it where normally her pale skin blended well. Standing under hot water until her skin pinkened was just what she needed to get her head back down to earth. It wasn’t even her own problem really, that was occupying her thoughts and making her tense, but having to aid a friend through an unpleasant vomiting episode that ended with a pregnancy confession was definitely a stress worthy situation in Lena’s opinion.

She spent another minute or two just staring down her reflection in the mirror as if it would give her the answers she sought, like maybe this other version of herself in some other universe knew what to do. But all it told her was how tired she looked, drawing her attention to the faint circles under her eyes and while that didn’t tell her how to handle Sam’s situation, it did give her a good push in the right direction - go get coffee, feel less tired, then face the day.

 

The skies were cloudy and the mood was as well, so Lena threw on some joggers and a sweatshirt, the kind of clothes meant for days like this. Sam was still asleep when she peeked back into the bedroom so she slipped her sneakers on and closed the door quietly behind her, heading off to the coffee shop on campus.

It was a quiet Sunday morning and cars were few and far between, the rustling of leaves being blown down the sidewalk in the late autumn breeze was the prominent sound. Lena’s hands dug deeper into her pockets, hoping to spare them from becoming chapped in the cold air. She dreaded the walk back to her dorm where her hands would have to be exposed to the chill while she held a coffee cup in each hand. Despite that small detail, Lena was enjoying the cold weather overall. Crisp cool air had a bite to it that made her feel more awake and her mind more clear in a way that she needed especially on mornings like this.

 

 

When she returned, Sam peered up from behind the pillows at the sound of the lock clicking. Lena slipped her shoes off and stepped back into the room, offering Sam a coffee and the softest smile she could muster.

 “I got coffee. Thought you might appreciate the warmth when you woke up.”

 She paused and sipped her own cup. “It’s uh, it’s decaf, by the way. Just in case - because you know…” Lena trailed off and gestured vaguely to her stomach a bit awkwardly.

 Fortunately, the awkwardness only made Sam chuckle.

 “Thanks, Lena. And you don’t have to avoid it. This could be a reality for me so I guess it’s best not to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. I’ll have to face it sooner or later.”

 “You’re right, you will have to face it but, I don’t want to overwhelm you. I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with the subject before I brought it up. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it just yet.” Lena shrugged and hoisted herself up onto the bed next to Sam who huffed and scrunched her nose up. 

 "It is a bit of a time sensitive topic.  I don’t really have the luxury of saying I don’t want to think about it or talk about it for too long before something has to be done. Honestly, I’m surprised you aren’t asking me about it yet because I know your brain is probably in overdrive right now with a million questions.”

 Lena snorted and guided Sam’s head to rest on her shoulder. “You know me so well. My brain is very scientifically driven and yes, it has a million questions, but this isn’t about me. This is your life and your body, Sam. Sure, I’m concerned for you as your friend but your comfort always comes first. I want you to be ready so you don’t feel like you’re being forced into a conversation about it with me.”

 

Sam released a deep sigh and laced her free hand into Lena’s, mumbling into Lena’s shoulder.

“What did I do to deserve you in my life?”

 

“You’ve been a kind, generous, beautiful person who deserves nothing short of the best. And I know I may not be the best person in the world but I’m here for you, no matter what happens with this.”

 “Well, I guess if you’re prepared to listen then I’m prepared to talk. I just need you to know first that I don’t have all the answers right now either, so you’ll have to bear with me.”

Sam crisscrossed her legs and set her coffee cup safely between them.

“I was noticing my body feeling strange lately and I’m a pretty healthy person overall, so that’s not super normal but it wasn’t anything severe and I kind of brushed it off. But it’s just continued to get worse since then. I’m feeling more tired, I was getting these really bad cramps and of course there was the nausea.” They both grimaced, remembering the previous night’s puking episode.

“But I didn’t automatically connect those symptoms to pregnancy. It didn’t even cross my mind until I was talking with one of my friends about my symptoms and she mentioned that it sounded a lot like things pregnancy caused. I started looking up stuff about it and realized I do have pretty much all the signs. I just didn’t put it together sooner because I’d been missing my period but I’m a track runner so that’s fairly normal for me.”

Lena gave Sam’s hand an encouraging squeeze when she heard her voice begin to take on a bit of a tremble as she continued.

“It hasn’t been too long since I’ve put all the pieces together but I’ve been too scared to take the test to confirm it. You’d think that my first instinct would be to take the test so I could see if maybe it’s just some misunderstanding, but if I take it, the test could also tell me that I have a human growing inside of me and that result scares me so much more. If I’m pregnant I won’t be able to run track for a while and I could lose my scholarship. I have money saved up but I’m really relying on those scholarships to get me through school. Plus, having a baby would affect my school work, it would take a toll on my body and make it harder to deal with all the stress I already have on my shoulders.”

Tears gathered in Sam’s eyes and her throat felt stuck, unable to get any more words out while she tried to hold back a sob. Lena wrapped an arm around Sam’s shoulder and pulled her embrace tighter, knowing that pressure helped Sam feel more grounded.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry you’ve had to agonize over this by yourself. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be in your shoes. I wouldn’t dare tell you it’s going to be okay because I don’t want to promise something I can’t know for sure, but I promise I will give you whatever you need from me.”

Lena let Sam cry into her shoulder, letting out all the frustrations until she was able to calm herself down again.

“Lena, I’m so scared. But I need to know if this is real. I have to take that test. I just- I need you to be with me. I need you to be there so I don’t have to face the results alone.” 

Lena nodded immediately, pulling away to meet Sam’s nervous eyes.

“Of course I’ll be there. I’ll even stand right next to you while you pee on the stick if you want.”

The joke got Sam’s frown to break into a little laugh. She shot Lena a smile that she hoped portrayed how grateful she was for the support. “I don’t think you’ll need to stand next to me, but maybe just wait outside the door?”

“Did you want to do it now? No pressure, I want you to do it when you’re ready.”

Lena gave her the option of an out but Sam shook her head.

“No, I want to do it now. Let’s just get this over with so I can figure out what my next step is.”

“Alright, do you have a test? I can run out to the store and grab some if you don’t.”

“I actually already have like, ten of them.” Sam stood and stretched out, rubbing a hand on the back of her neck with a sheepish look as she went to dig out the bag of test sticks. “In the midst of my initial panic I went out to buy some but when I got home I was too scared to use any of them so they’re just stashed in the bottom of my desk.”

 She pulled the bag out from under folders, notebooks and crumpled granola bar wrappers, and gave a resigned sigh.

 “Alright, Luthor, you ready for this?”

 

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

 

Sam shrugged and ran a hand through her hair. “Probably, I’m just deflecting. Trying to put this off just a moment longer.”

 Lena took Sam’s hand and squeezed gently. “You’ve got this. I will be right here when it’s over. I’ll be right outside the door.”

 Sam puffed out another sign and took the short but intense few steps to the bathroom where her scared eyes stayed locked on the bag in her hands until the door closed her off from the rest if the world.

 

Lena situated herself against the wall across from the bathroom door, arms crossed over her chest, hands picking anxiously at the loose threads on the sweater as she ignored the way her chest was fluttering nervously. A few minutes passed, the toilet flushed but the door remained closed. Lena worried her lip between her teeth for a few moments, then moved forward and knocked softly. “Sam? Are you alright?”

 The door swung open immediately to Sam who was also biting her lip in worry. “It’s not done yet. The box says to wait five to ten minutes after you pee for results.”

 She held the stick out between them, it’s face still ominously blank while two pairs of anxious eyes stared down at it. Five minutes wasn’t a bad waiting time. In everyday life, five minutes was nothing, just a blip in time but now it was feeling like an hour had already passed.

 

Lena couldn’t figure out where to look, torn between staring at the stick, watching Sam for her reaction or just closing her eyes entirely to avoid it all. Her gaze flicked between Sam’s face and the test, Lena’s fidgety hands reached over to hold Sam’s free one until finally the waiting was over and a tiny pink plus sign showed up in the previously blank space, bringing both a wave of relief and renewed distress.

 

When the symbol materializes before them, Sam’s pretty sure they both stop breathing for a minute. It’s a plus symbol, a symbol that represents the charge of a proton – something with a positive charge. It means positive, and that feels so painfully ironic right now because Sam is officially pregnant and her whole life is about to be thrown into disarray that she’s pretty certain won’t be very positive.

 There is something else inside of her, however, that says maybe this is a sign that something positive will come out of this, but it’s a muffled voice among all the worries she’s already spent too many hours fretting over.

 This thing inside of her will affect her classes, her work, her running, her scholarships, her money and the rest of her goddamn life. Sam had always seen her life going a certain way, ever since she was twelve and dreamt up a life where she was more than what anyone ever expected her to be and getting pregnant at nineteen wasn’t in that script. She hadn’t imagined that this would be the first real defining moment of her life, choosing between letting this grow or stopping it before it got any further. 

 

“Here.” Lena tugged at her hand, bringing Sam back down to earth. She lead her back into the bedroom and nudged her towards the bed. “How about we just sit down for a little?” Lena waited until Sam had crawled up onto the bed before going back to the bathroom and returning with a cup of water that Sam eagerly sucked down. 

“Are you alright?” The question was timid, matching the apprehensive look on Sam’s face.

To her credit, Sam nodded her head calmly, keeping her appearance somewhat composed. “Yeah, I mean, I’m a little overwhelmed but I’m- I’ll be alright.” Her demeanor was so reserved in a way Lena was unused to seeing in someone usually quite bubbly, it seemed as though her body had been wrung dry of energy.

Lena’s hip leaned against the edge of the bed, her elbows propping her up across from Sam’s slumped posture.

“I don’t want to push you but do you think you know how this happened? It’s okay if you’re not sure.”

Sam shook her head weakly. “Not really? I mean, I could guess, but I can’t pinpoint exactly how or who for that matter. I’ve slept with a few people this year but I always use protection. Last time I had sex with someone able to get me pregnant would have been maybe a month ago or so. I haven’t had sex since then though because I’ve been feeling so off.” Sam shrugged and pulled her blanket up to her chest, needing something comforting to hold.

“I’m guessing a condom broke during one of those times. Unless whoever it was deliberately tampered with it. It’s really rare for this to happen but I know I haven’t gone without a condom so it must have been something like that.”

Sam groaned and fell back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks again. “And that’s a whole other problem I’m going to have to deal with. I should probably try to track down whoever’s baby this is so I can inform them, whether or not they want to be involved.”

Lena laid a hand on Sam’s knee, rubbing little circles with her thumb. They had only been awake for a short time today but Sam was already looking incredibly worn out and Lena couldn’t blame her.

 “Do you want to rest a little? Sleep a bit more and think later?”

 Sam nodded gratefully and dragged the blanket up her body until it was tucked snugly under her chin. Lena’s lip quirked at the cuteness of the gesture and brought one of her hands up to brush a loose strand of hair behind Sam’s ear.

 “Will you be alright if I leave for a little while you nap? I’ll stay if you want me to but your friends were worried last night and I’m sure they’ll want to know that you’re at least somewhat alright.”

Sam’s frown deepened as she realized all of her friends would want to know what happened and while they were all good friends to her, she wasn’t sure she was ready to say anything about being pregnant just yet. A little part of her had hope that maybe she could get rid of it without her friends even knowing, but she huffed and shook that thought away. There would be no more thinking about it for now. 

“You can go, but please just don’t mention this. If they ask I guess, tell them I’ve got some stomach bug. That’ll give me an excuse to be away for a couple more days so I have more time to think about it.”

“Of course. And we can talk about it more when you’re up for it, maybe tomorrow?” Lena slid her sneakers on and pulled her hair up into a bun. “I’ll be back soon, I promise”

 

Sam turned over in bed, propping herself up on her elbows to watch Lena make her way to the door. “I won’t blame you if you’re not back too soon. I know there will be certain… distractions if Kara is home.”

 Lena choked out a surprised laugh and Sam smiled triumphantly at the healthy blush blooming on Lena’s cheeks. While Lena would normally defend herself from teasing, she simply rolled her eyes at the comment, glad that Sam was still feeling okay enough to tease her. The smile on Sam’s face might have been at Lena’s expense but at least she was smiling.

“Just go back to sleep, you nerd. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

 

“Lena, wait.”

 

The door was ajar, Lena’s hand on the knob and one foot over the threshold but she turned her head back to Sam, whose eyebrows were drawn, her face looking softer than ever.

“I just- Thank you. For being here for me, Lena.”

The sentiment made Lena’s whole body swell with warmth at the sincerity laced in Sam’s tone. Lena was wanted, she was needed and that was one of the best feelings in the world.

 

“Anytime, Sam. Anytime.”

 

\----------

 

 

The walk to Kara’s apartment wasn’t a far one, but it felt longer now with the weight of her conversation with Sam and the chill creeping over her skin through Lena’s sweatshirt. The biting wind hinted at the possibility of snow flurries in the future which would be a welcome change of pace for Lena.

 As a kid, snow was such a beautiful wonder, falling from the sky in unique little flakes that intrigued Lena with the way they could look soft at a distance and feel soft to touch but up close, under a microscope, they appeared much more sharp.

Despite everyone around her favoring the warmer seasons, Lena always held a love for winter and the weather it brought. Perhaps, she thought, it was Lillian’s particular disdain for the nuisance of snow that solidified Lena’s love for it. Either way, Lena found it to be a great comfort to watch snow flurries dance to the ground or to feel the satisfying crunch of it beneath her feet. The thought of that approaching soon made Lena’s mood feel a bit lighter.

 

Her hand curled into a fist and knocked on Kara’s door with knuckles that were beginning to get cracked and red from the dry autumn air, making her wince with each rap.

She was in the middle of contemplating stopping at the corner store on her way home for some moisturizer when Kara’s muffled voice called out from inside, inviting her in.

“Come on in, it’s open!”

Lena was met with a pleasant rush of heat to her rosied cheeks and the most wonderful smell of steaming broth coming from the stove that she eagerly breathed in. It was the smell of a warm meal on a cool day that felt so inherently nostalgic, and despite her childhood not being one filled with such simple delights, it made her feel at ease.

Kara, on the other hand, didn’t look at ease in the kitchen at all. Whatever she made was smelling amazing but Kara appeared on edge about the risk of fire and burning her masterpiece. She flit around the kitchen nervously until she finally turned to see who had entered the apartment, surprised to see Lena wiping her feet on the welcome mat and closing the door behind her.

 

“Lena! What are you doing here?”

It seemed Lena’s presence in the room only served to heighten Kara’s flustered energy, her cheeks going red as she froze in place, staring with wide eyes at her guest.

Lena stepped into the kitchen and leaned herself up against the counter, trying to appear casual. “Oh, I’m just here as a messenger.” She shoved her hands back into the pouch pocket of her sweater. “It’s about Sam.”

 

Lena moves closer and it unfreezes Kara, making her aware that her appearance is quite frazzled and she attempts to groom herself in a more presentable state. She slings the kitchen towel over her shoulder, licks a drip of broth off her thumb and pulls her messy bun out to straighten it and gather back the stray hairs into a tighter ponytail.

 

The combination of movements catches Lena’s attention, first, the stretch over her shoulder that revealed a sliver of tanned skin from underneath Kara’s henley, then the tantalizing way her tongue moved over the skin of her thumb that made Lena immediately imagine the rough sensation that skin would bring to her own tongue, and finally Kara’s arms lifting to pull her hair back, causing Kara’s biceps to flex impressively for such a simple task. 

Lena was transported back to the night before at the concert, watching Kara up on stage with her arms bared in a tank top, glistening with sweat from the exertion of a show under the hot stage lights. The muscles and tendons in her hands and arms had been flexing the whole time she picked at the strings of her bass or gripped the microphone. The icing on top of it all was the way the veins in Kara’s arms became more pronounced as the show went on, making her look stronger and sexier and - _shit._

Kara was definitely just talking and Lena totally missed all of it. She was being regarded with an expectant look, waiting for the answer to whatever question Kara had just asked and Lena had to embarrassingly admit that she wasn’t quite paying attention to Kara’s words.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Lena bit her lip and felt the heat crawling up her neck when Kara’s smile quirked up with a bit of surprise and a hint of smugness, leaving Lena to suspect that her wandering gaze might not have been even remotely subtle.

“I was just asking what you came here for. You said it was about Sam and I asked what about her? Is she doing alright? We all missed her last night, Alex told me you guys had to leave early.” Just as quickly as the attractive smugness appeared, it vanished under Kara’s concerned, knitted brows.

“Right, Sam is okay. She wanted everyone to know that she’s alright but you probably won’t see her for a bit because she has a stomach virus. She doesn’t want to risk infecting anybody so she’s not up for visitors right now.”

 Kara’s frown deepened and her arms crossed over her chest. “Darn it, that’s a bummer. I really hope she feels better soon! Partially so she isn’t in pain and partially so I can hug her again.”

Lena couldn’t help but notice that disappointment still managed to look somewhat cute on Kara Danvers. She reached over, hesitated just a moment, then placed her hand on Kara’s arm.

“It’s okay. You’ll see her soon. I’ll let her know that she has a hug waiting from you for when she’s better, I’m sure that will make her day.”

That thought brought a smile back to Kara’s face instantly. "You’re right, she will be excited for that.” Kara turned to the stove with a forlorn look. “Though, I am sad it’s a stomach bug because when Alex said that Sam looked sick I thought I would make soup to help her feel better but I’m not sure if she’ll be able to eat it now.”

Lena hummed and walked over to the stove, taking a look at the vegetable soup simmering that looked just as good as it smelled. “I have to say, I was impressed when I came in and realized you were the one making this delicious smell. Your cooking skills have definitely improved since high school.”

She dipped the wooden spoon in and stirred, watching the colorful chunks of vegetable swirl around.

“Well, don’t get too confident in me yet.” Kara stepped up close behind her, the presence making Lena’s cheeks warm as Kara's voice created pleasant vibrations in her ear that she felt all the way down her spine. “Alex helped me out with it so I can’t claim all the credit. They wanted to do something nice for Sam too. Plus they think it’s a valuable lesson for me to learn how to cook without a fire incident.”

 

Lena fondly remembered the few times she had witnessed some of those fire incidents. The most memorable was when Kara had discovered that Lena never knew the joys of boxed macaroni with that odd powdery cheese that Lena wasn’t sure could really qualify as cheese. When she’d told Kara that, she was met with a scoff and dismissal as Kara shook her head and assured Lena that she’d change her mind once she tasted it.

 Unfortunately, the first box ended up being a bust when, by some miracle, Kara managed to burn the macaroni noodles. It was a disastrous event filled with a lot of smoke, blaring alarms and Kara frantically flapping the dish towel at the smoke.

 Lena did finally experience boxed macaroni late that evening when Eliza came home and cooked it for them after seeing Kara’s pleading, sheepish smile. Lena still wasn’t sure if she would qualify it as cheese but she would admit it was good in some strange way.

 

Now it seemed Kara had graduated past cooking boxed meals and into making what Lena thought of as real food. She turned to look over her shoulder with a smile.

“I’m proud of you, this looks amazing, Kara.”

Kara’s responding grin was dazzling, nearly blinding this up close. Lena was impressed with her own restraint with Kara standing just behind her, so close she could feel the warmth radiating into her back. Lena didn’t let it show that inside her heart was pounding, her palms were sweaty and she could count all of the faintest freckles on Kara’s nose and cheeks in a way she hadn’t been able to in so long.

 

There was still this novelty to experiencing Kara, reacquainting herself with the quirks and little intimate things that Lena may have forgotten during their time apart. Everything Lena felt now, everything she was rediscovering was just in a different light than before. Lena knew every detail of this person she had grown up with at one point because they had been so close, but now in finding Kara again, she was seeing those little things through older eyes and finding them attractive and wonderful in a way that pushed the boundary of romantic affection.

 Catching feelings for a close friend is terrifying, dangerous, awkward and not at all easy to navigate, but Lena had to admit part of her found it somewhat convenient. She wasn’t pining after some stranger she’d just met, someone she’d have to get to know and take chances with. Her heart was racing over someone she knew, someone that, tried and true, had proven to be trustworthy, someone who made it feel easy for Lena to be herself around.

There was some degree of safety to all of that, to feelings for people you’ve already established something with. The only stressful part was figuring out how to talk about it, if you talk about it at all. How do you bring up your feelings to a friend who may only be expecting platonic things from you?

Lena held onto the hope that if their communication now was even a fraction of what it had been four years ago, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to tell Kara. As much as talking about those feelings scared her, Lena wanted this new iteration of their friendship to be one of honesty even in the face of fear because she knew now what it was like to lose touch with someone and regret not saying all of the things you wished you had.

Still, Lena was nervous. She was getting nothing but sweetness and affection and attention from Kara and sometimes, like right now, the way Kara looked at her made Lena think there might be some kind of reciprocation. But Kara was also the kind of person who lavished her friends with love and affection because she genuinely wanted to. It was one of the things Lena loved most about Kara, her compassion and empathy was unending, it just sometimes seemed like there might be something more to it when it was directed at Lena.

So Lena decided that she would tell Kara eventually but she would wait just a little longer, because as a scientist-in-training, she believed there was never any harm in testing theories and gathering more data.

 

Lena folded up her feelings and tucked them into her pocket for now, choosing instead to focus on the topic at hand. She came here for Sam, not to admire the sparkle in Kara’s eyes, no matter how charming it was.

“Well, since you worked so hard on the soup, I can take some with me anyway. I’m sure once Sam is feeling ready to eat real food she will appreciate this. I can warm it for her in the microwave.”

Kara perked up with an excited gasp. “You’re right! It won’t be as nice as fresh soup but she’ll need something hearty to get her body back to normal.” Kara rummaged through her cabinets, finding a plastic container repurposed from a Chinese food order and ladled some of the soup in, splashing a bit on the counter in her enthusiasm.

“There we go. Sam will be better in no time once she gets some Danvers special soup in her stomach.” Kara snapped the lid shut and pushed the container into Lena’s waiting hands. 

“Danvers special soup?” Lena smirked and pulled the soup to her chest, soaking in the warmth greedily. “You made one successful dish and now you’re naming a soup after yourself? That’s a bold move.”

Kara gave her a mocking glare and folded her arms over her chest.

“You know, if you’re going to insult the chef you’re not allowed in the kitchen.”

Lena raised an eyebrow in challenge to Kara’s glare but didn’t tease any further knowing she would likely get too distracted and then Sam would be able to say 'I told you so'.

“Alright, I’ll leave the chef to her culinary masterpieces then.” Lena backed a few steps out of the kitchen and gestured to the door. “I really should be going anyway, I promised Sam I wouldn’t be long.”

Kara’s teasing eyes softened around the edges, now tinged with understanding but clear disappointment. “You’re sure you don’t want to stay for a bowl of soup with me before you go?” She followed Lena to the door, stepping in close again and reaching out to cup Lena’s elbow.

 It was a tempting offer and Lena would love to spend just five more minutes with Kara, especially if she kept looking her like that and touching her with the softest hands. But she was needed elsewhere, so she stepped back and gave Kara an apologetic smile.

  
“I’m sorry Kara. I don’t want to keep her waitng in case she needs something. But I promise I will come by later in the week when Sam is feeling better so we can spend some time together. I’m dying to talk about the show last night with you.” 

“I would really like that.” Kara conceded and back away from Lena, letting her leave in spite of the pull she was feeling right now. “Give Sam some love from me, Alex and the rest of us, yeah? We were really worried about her, especially Alex.”

 

“Of course.” Lena nodded, opening the door to the cold air outside. “I’ll see you soon, Kara.”

 

The door closed once Lena was down the steps but Kara watched from behind the door until Lena disappeared around the corner and she spent the rest of her evening trying to fill the longing in her chest with a warm bowl of soup.

 

\----------

 

The next two weeks were especially taxing on Lena and Sam. There was plenty of thinking to be done and conversations to be had, not all of which were pleasant. The roommates had spent hours on a sort of pros and cons list to help Sam figure out a path to take, Lena accompanied Sam to a doctor to get more information to make an informed decision, and many tears were shed in the whole process. It wasn’t the kind of problem that had one definitively right answer, instead it was made up of so many layers holding so much unpredictability.

 

Sam knew keeping the baby was the harder road, that was certain. The baby would be competing for her attention with a job and school work, it could possibly affect the scholarships that were financing her education, track would have to be put on hold indefinitely and money would be a tight situation. And that was only the start of her cons list.

But the more she thought about the baby, the more she felt connected to it. At first it was just this thing growing inside of her, it was just an ‘ _it_ ’. Now she had begun to think about it as a baby, as her baby, her child. And deep down, she kind of liked that. She liked thinking about being a mother, raising a child, being better than her parents, and giving this kid all the opportunities she was never given as a child.

 

Sam knew she had a decent cushion of money saved up and she only had one more year of school left after this as long as she stayed on track for early graduation. She knew after that she wanted to take a little time off anyway before pursuing her Masters degree which would give her time to focus on the kid. Plus, she knew she had friends that would have her back. These people were the family that she had chosen, who knew she was valuable and didn’t let her down. They were the kind of friends that would do anything to help her out with the baby, they would offer it the same love and support they gave Sam every day. 

She just wasn’t sure if it would be enough.

The consequences of keeping this baby had a heavy weight and it was swaying her towards not keeping it. She was still early on enough that she could get an abortion if she wanted to and if she did, she would be able to avoid having it effect her life too much. She could avoid telling people, she could still do track, and she could just go back to focusing on the plan she had built her life around so far.

 It was certainly an appealing option.

And that's how Sam found herself pulling on her jacket and telling Lena she was going to the Planned Parenthood to get more information on abortions. She needed reassurance that this was the right decision and a professional opinion would give her some comfort, she wasn’t quite confident in her own logic and reasoning.

Lena leapt up from her desk, papers flying off in her hurry. Her eyebrows were drawn in concern as she offered to accompany her, but Sam shook it off, grabbed her keys and walked out the door with a rushed goodbye and the promise to talk later. Right now, she needed answers before it was too late and she needed to do this one on her own.

 

\----------

 

 

To say Lena was worried was a huge understatement.

 

Composure was a prized Luthor trait but Lena found herself chewing her thumb nail and staring down the door that Sam had just briskly exited from while the nerves in her legs were tingling, urging her to go after Sam, but Lena lowered herself back into her chair, ignoring those protective instincts. She knew Sam needed time to herself and Lena didn’t want to intrude.

 She tried to settle back into her homework but her focus had disappeared. She couldn't stop wondering if Sam was doing alright, if this would be the day she finalized her decision and Lena ended up just staring blankly at the sheets of her notebook as her overactive brain was consumed with thoughts. A distraction was needed if she didn’t want to go crazy.

Her first thought was to the chess board sitting under her bed, though she didn’t have anyone to play with. Not that it ever stopped her before, but she realized that she didn’t want to do anything solitary right now, she didn’t want to be alone with her mind.

Surprisingly, her next immediate thought was to Kara. It wasn’t surprising that she wanted to spend time with Kara, it was just a bit surprising that her mind was starting to get back into the habit of instinctually thinking of Kara when she wanted company. It was surprising but not an unwelcome development.

 

So Lena once again found herself outside Kara’s door, hands in her coat pockets as she waited for someone to answer her knock.

The door opened to Winn’s grinning face when he saw who was on the other side of the door.

“Lena, hey! What’s up?”

Lena returned the smile genuinely, as she had become fond of Winn recently. Time was spent frequently at Kara’s apartment either hanging out with just Kara or being invited to group events with Sam and the rest of the band. Winn had started up a casual small-talk with Lena to be polite but when they found some commonality in their scientific interests, they easily kept each other’s attention for most of the night. They’d only been pulled apart when Kara came and stole Lena away, grumbling about how Winn was taking up all of her valuable Lena time. Lena secretly treasured the pouting looks Kara had been giving them all evening and the way her arm snaked around Lena’s waist when she came to pull her away from Winn for a little.

 

It seemed that Lena’s time with Winn would again be cut short today. As she was going to answer him she heard a muffled yell of “Lena?!” from inside the house followed by pounding footsteps running for the door. Soon enough, Kara came bounding into the kitchen in her basketball shorts and hoodie, pushing her face up next to Winn’s to greet the guest at the door.

“Lena! HI, come in, please. Winn, why are you letting her just stand out there in the cold?” Kara nudged him over with her hip and wrapped a hand around Lena’s wrist, tugging her gently into the warmth of the apartment. “What brings you around here on this lovely fall evening?” Kara gave her a brilliant smile while she took Lena’s coat from her and hung it on the rack near the door.

 Lena hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should fabricate a reason for coming or just be honest that she didn’t really have much of a reason at all. But with the way Kara was grinning at her like Lena showing up made her day, Lena figured the truth wouldn’t hurt.

“Honestly, I was overthinking too much and I wanted some company and you happened to be the first person to cross my mind so here I am.” She gestured out with her arms, biting her lip nervously when she realized the implication of that. “I mean, I’m here only if you want me to stay though, because I’m just realizing that you might have other things to do and I really don’t want to prevent you from anything.”  

Kara shook her head vigorously, her blonde ponytail shaking with the movement. “No, no no! You’re totally fine! I mean, I was doing homework but nothing that can’t be procrastinated for a little. I would love it if you stayed and gave me a distraction for a little bit.”

“Wonderful! Then I’m all yours.” Lena smiled eagerly, chuckling when she heard Winn disappear into another room while mumbling about how invisible he was when they were giving each other heart eyes. The statement made her blush, but she couldn’t really refute it. Kara always captured her attention when she was in the room and right now she was terribly lost in those eyes.

 

Kara led her up to her bedroom and gestured to the pillow-covered bed in the corner of the room, sandwiched between a keyboard and Kara’s bass stand. She invited Lena to sit and crawled onto the bed after her, looking like she wanted to settle closer but kept some distance between them.

Kara’s hands busied themselves with the edge of the blanket to prevent her from reaching out and pushing any boundaries. It seemed Lena was feeling the same level of trepidation, being careful about her posture and body position, sitting up straight even though she could easily lean back against the wall behind her and her hands were clasped delicately in her lap. Everything her body was doing told how stressed she was feeling and Kara was reminded of why Lena had shown up in the first place.

“So… You said you came here because you were overthinking. Did you maybe want to talk about what’s got you stressed?”

Lena shook her head. “No I can’t talk about it just yet. Thank you for offering though. I’d like to take my mind off of it rather than dwell on it more.”

 Kara frowned and gave Lena this look, as if she was trying to read the worry lines on Lena’s face to find out what had her feeling so stressed. For a minute, Lena thought she was going to ask again, unable to deal with feeling like she couldn’t help, but the frown lessened a bit and Kara nodded, letting the subject go for the time being.

“Okay, well, if you don’t want to talk about it, could I offer my assistance in some other way, perhaps?”

Kara just couldn’t sit and try to pretend Lena wasn’t stressing, when she was in Kara’s room she wanted Lena to feel relaxed and safe. If Lena was feeling tense, then it was Kara’s duty to melt that off her shoulders and give her a break from the rest of the world in any way she could.

 

“I suppose we could talk about something else? Maybe your last show I went to? I never did get a chance to talk to you about it after I had to take Sam home.”

 

Kara grinned and pulled her legs into a crisscross position. “That’s right! I almost forgot about that. Did you like the show?” Her fingers tapped nervously against her knees, the only sign that she was a bit anxious about this change of topic. The opportunity to talk about it hadn’t risen, but Kara had been restlessly waiting for the chance to ask Lena about the show, desperate to know if her music had been to Lena’s liking.

Playing a show in front of Lena had been showing her friend this new part of herself and all the progress she had made since they’d been apart. This band and the songs she’d written were Kara’s treasures and she’d been dying to get a chance to share them with Lena. It was just the waiting part that had killed her because she had gotten the opportunity to share her music but then Sam was sick and Lena was busy helping out with that and Kara was left hanging for days wondering what Lena had thought.

Kara didn’t necessarily need Lena’s approval, she had her style of music, she was feeling pretty confident in her lyrics at this point and she knew some people weren’t going to like it, that was inevitable. But getting validation from one of the most important people in your life who inspired some of the songs you’ve written was definitely something Kara craved. And Lena was more than ready to give it to her.

 

“Oh my god, Kara, of course I liked it!” Lena’s smile widened and excitement bloomed into her eyes. “It was so cool to finally see you up on stage like that. Obviously, I was always a fan of your music growing up and not just because we were friends. I mean, partially because we were friends and I loved everything you did, but you always genuinely had talent. And now I got to see it in action at a live paid gig with a band behind you. It was honestly such a great show; the music was really _really_ good.”

 

Every word of praise made Kara’s chest expand with joy. She could feel her cheeks heating up, not used to being showered with compliments.

“Wow. I didn’t expect the review to be that good. My songs are like my babies, I put all my heart into them when I wrote them so I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear that people enjoy them.” Kara’s grin was big, stretching her cheeks too wide but she couldn’t help it, she was melting at the commendations and Lena wasn’t even done yet.

 

“Wait, you wrote all of those yourself?”

 

Kara flushed deeper, she didn’t like to talk about it in a way that felt like bragging but she definitely felt a little more confident when she saw the surprised and impressed look on Lena’s face. Like Sam had said, being in a band was a leg-up when trying to woo a girl, so Kara leaned into the confidence a little.

“Yeah, I did. The band helps with some editing sometimes and there are a few songs that Winn wrote but the majority of our material came from up here.” She tapped the side of her head playfully.

“Wow, that’s so impressive.” Lena let out a breath and scrunched her nose up, feeling all the words she wanted to say piling in the back of her throat but she was feeling too much to hold them back and they all came tumbling out. 

“I know we haven’t been able to talk about it since the show happened but I’ve been waiting for the chance to bring it up because all I could think about when you were on stage was how proud I was. This is going to sound cheesy but seeing you so confident and just killing it up there was almost like that proud parent moment? Like, you were great when we were kids but now you’re all grown up and you’re just… I don’t know, you’re just so radiant. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

 She adds the last sentence on in the spur of the moment, aware that the words and her tone are enough to give away some hint of her feelings, but something about the blush on Kara’s cheeks and the bashful way she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth made Lena feel like it was definitely worth it.

 

While Kara struggled to find words to respond to the flattery, Lena felt a bit bold and shifted herself over to rest her leg against Kara’s and threaded one of her hands into Kara’s fidgeting ones. “I don’t mean to overwhelm you but I guess I’m just trying to make up for lost time here. I didn’t see you for so long and in that time you’ve grown so much and you’re still so kind. I just really am proud of your accomplishments and I admire you and I don’t want any more time to pass before I get to tell you that because I haven’t been able to for the last few years.” Lena squeezed Kara’s hand in between both of her own and leaned in closer.

 The shift brought Kara’s eyes to focus in on Lena’s lips which were now just within her reach. Close enough to just tilt her body forward a few inches to touch. That fact wasn’t something Kara had expected herself to take note of but it was now one of the only things she was really noticing at all. Just the proximity of Lena’s lips, the hooded look Lena was giving her and the way her heart was pounding from the affectionate words Lena had just spilled on her. It was the perfect combination of signals and feelings jumbled together to make the kind of moment for Kara to lean in and kiss her.

 

And that was her intention, until the bedroom door slammed open, sending the two shooting apart when Sam stormed in, hair tousled from the wind and her cheeks still pink from the chill.

 

“Lena! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She panted, sounding like she’d practically ran here. “I just- I went to the clinic and they were talking about all of these medical things and side effects and I was sitting there, and it was all so overwhelming. It just was all sterile and stuffy and it didn't feel right at all and then I realized I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t, Lena! So I ran out and I went home to find you but you weren’t there.” Sam paused to catch her breath, holding out a hand to let them know she wasn’t done, completely oblivious to the red faces and sheepish eyes both Lena and Kara were sporting.

 

“Sam, what are you trying to say? I’m not sure I catch your drift.” Lena ran a hand through her hair, trying to regain some form of composure after nearly being kissed, or at least that’s what she assumed was about to happen until Sam showed up, babbling on between pants. 

Sam gave her a relieved, uninhibited smile and pointed to her stomach.

“The baby, Lena! I’m keeping the baby!” Sam shouted                      

Lena gasped and shot up from the bed to envelope Sam in a bear hug, murmuring words of encouragement in her ear. This decision was a big deal and Lena wanted Sam to feel all of her support.

Sam pulled her in tight and lifted Lena’s feet off the ground momentarily, caught up in the excitement and relief she felt now that she no longer had to agonize over this decision anymore.

The two were so swept up in their world, completely forgetting about Kara, who was pouting on the bed, currently feeling disappointed that her moment with Lena had been interrupted and a bit lost and left out of whatever was happening between Sam and Lena at the moment.

 Not to mention,

“A baby?”  She muttered to herself, trying to figure out if this was all some dream or if she was putting the pieces together correctly.

 

“Guys.”  She tried for their attention

 

Then tried again.

 

“GUYS! What baby??”  


Lena and Sam both winced and turned at the shout, taking one look at Kara’s confused face before turning to meet each other’s eyes again. They had both forgotten about Kara's presence momentarily. Sam shrugged at Lena, and Lena shrugged back, sharing an apprehensive look with one another. There was no way to avoid it anymore.

 There was some explaining to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for stopping by and reading! 
> 
> Let me know what you think of the update!! Comments, questions, concerns or tell me about your week maybe? 
> 
> Hope you all have a fantastic Friday! (or whatever day of the week it is for you right now)


	7. Love Songs for Lena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap. This chapter took me forever, the motivation train was really slow this week. REALLY slow. Plus I went back to work for the first time since my surgery so my life got busier and I had less time to write. But nevertheless, we have a new chapter. A femslash sandwich with some supercorp, some agentreign in the middle and then more supercorp to finish it off. I hope y'all like what I wrote here, I'm a little uncertain of how it came out. But, we will have another chapter again next week, so I'll see you then!

Kara took the baby news in stride.

 

Well, at first she had been more confused and then a bit shocked, but once Sam and Lena sat down and explained the situation, Kara was all on board and ready to be of assistance in any way she could.

She sat through the explanation patiently and quietly, flicking her eyes between Sam and Sam’s belly as if she would already be able to see the baby inside. It was a look of curiosity, and the wonderment in Kara’s eyes was quite adorable but Lena, not wanting Sam to feel weird, nudged Kara with a look that said ‘ _eyes up_ ,’ which Kara obeyed with flushed cheeks. 

The idea of a baby in their midst made Kara’s excited energy skyrocket and although she’d been initially disappointed that Sam had so inconveniently interrupted her moment with Lena, she set that aside for now because there was a baby coming, and Kara was _so_ ready to be a supportive aunt.  

Lena and Sam ended up being amused spectators to Kara’s thrilled rambles about cute, tiny baby clothes, cute tiny baby feet, cute baby smell and, of course, she offered her help about twenty times throughout the conversation. It was a bit redundant but Kara was simply a supportive person, she couldn’t help herself.

 

Once Kara’s excitement finally simmered down, Sam checked her watch and decided it was time to get home after quite an emotionally exhausting day.

“Alright, so I’m really ready for bed and I’m gonna head out.” She turned to Lena and nodded towards the door. “You coming with?”

 Lena felt her hand squeezed and realized that Kara’s hand was still woven with her own. That pressure nearly made her tell Sam no, but she didn’t want to overstay her welcome and a glance at the clock showed it was nearing midnight anyway.

 “Yeah I’ll come with you. It’s pretty late and I’ve got an early class tomorrow. Plus, its dark and I don’t want you to have to walk back on your own.”

 Lena nearly regretted her decision as she stood from the bed and Kara’s grip on her hand didn’t lessen until Lena stepped away, making their grasp taught and finally forcing Kara to let go. Her gaze shifted from Sam waiting in the doorway back to Kara on the bed with yearning in her eyes. Lena can tell there are words in the back of Kara’s throat, but Kara takes a hesitant look over to Sam and holds whatever she’s going to say in.

Sam must notice the longing look the two of them share and she gracefully excuses herself from the room, telling Lena she’ll meet her downstairs with a teasing wink.

 

Lena can’t help her eyes from falling to Kara’s lips again, letting her mind go back to their moment over an hour ago. Or what Lena thought was a moment for them. She had seen Kara’s eyes lingering on her own lips then, saw the way her body was very slowly moving closer and Lena had thought she saw intent in Kara’s eyes, intent to meet Lena’s lips with her own. It was very possible that Lena was reading into it all too much, she had her own desires that made her hopeful for any sign of reciprocation. Regardless of that fact, there had been a distinct tension in the air, a pleasant, hot tension that made Lena’s doubt shrink. Even if it wasn’t tonight, Lena was confident there would be another moment, one wonderful uninterrupted moment where she would find out for sure if it was all in her head or not.

 

Kara reached her hand out from the bed and Lena met her halfway, taking a step closer to join their hands again. Her face still gave away her disappointment, but she wore it with a smile now that Lena was back in her reach, though she knew she would have to let go soon.

“I really want to ask you to stay longer but I know you’re right to leave now. Its late and dark and it will be safer if you go together.”

Lena hummed in agreement. “I know; I feel our time was a bit short though. How about you come meet me at the library later this week and we can study together? That way I can see you again soon.” Lena tugged at Kara’s hand shyly. “Also, before I go do you think you might be able to spare me a hug?”

Kara nodded vigorously and used Lena’s grip to pull herself up off the bed and right into Lena’s arms. “I always have a hug to spare for you.” Kara squeezed her arms firmly around Lena’s waist and sunk herself into the softness of Lena’s body. She moved to pull back, not wanting to keep Lena too long but she felt Lena’s nose burying into her neck and settled her body back into the hug with a grin.

 

When Lena pulled away, Kara kept her hands on her elbows, holding her close still.

“Lena, I wanted to ask before you go, and you can feel free to not answer but, was Sam the reason you couldn’t talk about what you were stressed about?” 

“Yeah.” Lena’s arms came to rest on Kara’s shoulders, her hands playing idly with Kara’s shirt collar. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, I know we wanted to be honest with each other but this wasn’t my secret to tell.”

“Oh, of course. I wouldn’t have expected you to tell me that. Don’t worry about it. I’m really just glad Sam had you there for her.” Kara chuckled and shook her head. “I love Sam but sometimes she really isn’t good at asking for help, so thank you for taking care of her and keeping her secret. You’re a really good friend, Lena. You show up and you show that you care and I love that about you.”

Kara could feel Lena’s body melting at the compliments but her face was bright red and looking a bit embarrassed as her eyes bored into the ground, astutely avoiding Kara’s eyes. Kara ran the back of her hand along one of Lena’s flushed cheeks, encouraging her to look up and acknowledge that she was a good person but Lena’s head stayed down, eyes pretending to study her socked feet instead.

Kara decided that getting Lena used to being praised would be something she would work on more, but for now Kara sighed and relented, letting her hand fall back to her side. 

“Alright, I won’t keep you any longer. I don’t think Sam will appreciate being held up too long.”

Kara pulled Lena into one more hug. “Get home safely, please. And I’ll see you in a few days at the library.”

 

Kara deflated into her desk chair as Lena pulled away and left quietly, only turning back to give Kara a tentative smile and a wave before disappearing down the stairs to the front door. With elbows on her knees and chin resting in her hands, Kara blew out a heavy breath once she heard the door closing behind them.

Lena would meet her in the library in a few days but a few days seemed so long to wait, especially when the tension from earlier that day still hadn’t been diffused. Kara’s mind was stuck on Lena’s lips and that look on her face that read clear desire when they were leaned together, just before the interruption. There was no question in her mind that she knew what was happening there. Kara was oblivious sometimes but with something right in front of her nose, she couldn’t doubt that what she had seen was exactly what she hoped for. She had seen want, plainly in Lena’s eyes and Kara knew that next time she saw Lena, she would give her what she wanted, what they both wanted.

                                                                                                      

She just had to wait for the right moment to come along.

 

 ----------

 

 

Sam’s life got ever more busy in the next few days, starting with sitting down and figuring out a game-plan. The decision to keep the baby may have been in the moment impulsivity, but Sam had planned her life out thus far and she wasn’t about to continue in the unknown terrain of pregnancy without a plan to follow.

 First on the list was making an appointment with a gynecologist to figure out how far along she really was and making sure everything was going alright. Lena accompanied her to the appointment and they both let out a breath of relief when everything seemed to be doing just fine so far. Sam gratefully held Lena’s offered hand while the doctor spread lubricant onto her belly for the ultrasound, squeezing when the tiny, grainy image of the baby came to life on the screen in front of them. 

Lena teared up a bit but Sam was unable to hold back her tears, not that anyone could really blame her. It was a happy moment to see her baby alive, and healthy inside of her. It was an only an inch or so long, but the baby was there and it was a lot to process seeing it for the first time.

The moment may have been joyful but really seeing it brought a whole new layer of reality to it too. As much as Sam knew she wanted to do this, she knew this moment when she was seeing her baby for the first time was a moment of mourning as well, for the life she was leaving behind and all of the things she would have to sacrifice. But she knew when she made this choice that this wouldn’t be easy and she knew it wouldn’t all be happy times. There would be tears and frustrations to deal with the whole way through and Sam was prepared to face them, knowing she would be rewarded in these joyful times, all of the wonderful firsts that were yet to come.

 

That night when they returned from the doctor, Lena sat up on Sam’s bed with her and they talked more about what Sam was feeling and added a few more things to the list, as advised by the doctor. All in all, Sam was feeling pretty good, about as prepared as one can be for such an unexpected occurrence.

 

Unfortunately, not all of the things on her list were quite as pleasant as going for ultrasounds and shopping for baby clothes. Very high on her to-do list was hunting down the guy she’d slept with and letting him know there was a baby. She’d managed to make a separate list of people she slept with and narrowed it down to people who could get her pregnant and people from two months ago, as she was just around two months into the pregnancy by now. 

Lena had offered once again, to accompany Sam to go meet the boy but she declined, wanting the conversation to be one on one. Now, as she walked home after meeting him at his place, she was really wishing she had taken Lena up on that offer so she had someone to talk her down. The conversation didn’t go very well and Sam honestly wasn’t sure if she would call it a conversation anyway with all the yelling he did. She left on the brink of tears and was in the mood to kick the shit out of something. She rushed home to find Lena before she burst from the pressure of holding in her feelings but it became clear that fortune was not on Sam’s side today when she threw her bedroom door open to find Lena’s side woefully empty. On any other day she may have given up and taken a nap to sleep off her stress, but being alone wasn’t an option right now, not with the words of that raging asshole running through her head. 

Fueled by renewed anger and a fresh wave of tears, Sam made her way back out to track Lena down where she was certain she would find her, holed up in Kara’s apartment. She did feel a bit guilty knowing she would be interrupting for the second consecutive time but she felt like both instances were pretty justifiable emergencies. Although this situation was arguably more pressing and seemed only to be going more downhill with each passing minute as her tears were no longer cooperating with her attempts to keep them from falling in public.

 

Kara’s door was unlocked but the apartment appeared empty, even Kara’s bedroom held no trace of either Lena or Kara. She checked every open door but it seemed no one was home, and finally, Sam’s resolve broke. She yelled out in frustration tugged her hands roughly through her hair, panting harshly with the effort of holding in tears. Her throat closed up and her knees gave in as she lowered down to the couch in angry sobs.

 Logically, she knew fairness had nothing to do with it, but it felt so unfair that this day had to be the day that she ended up feeling so alone. It was pure coincidence that the day she got shit on was the day that no one was around to help her control the fire inside, so she slumped down onto the couch, rested her head in her hands and let the flames consume her.

 

Once she gave up and resigned herself to a lonely meltdown, the world finally decided to have a little mercy as a curious, concerned Alex Danvers made their way out of the bathroom in joggers and a t-shirt, hair damp from a shower and very surprised to find someone who didn’t live in this apartment crying on the couch.  

They shifted from foot to foot, unsure how to make their presence known, if their presence was even wanted in this situation. Some people preferred to do their crying alone which Alex respected, and they didn’t know if Sam was one of those people but their protective instincts were yelling at them to take initiative and go help.

 

In socked feet, they padded quietly across the hardwood flooring and settled gently into the couch, resting one hand softly on Sam’s shoulder as to not startle her too much. Their voice was soft and timid, using their thumb to rub a soothing circle on Sam’s shoulder.

“Hey Sam, are you alright? Do you want some company or do you want to be left alone? I can go out for a walk if you want the place to yourself for a little while to get out all your feelings.”

Sam looked up through red, wet eyes and shook her head fiercely. “No, please don’t go. Can you just- can you hold me please? I just need to feel close to someone.”

Alex nodded and stretched their arm out, opening up for Sam to settle into their body, which she did gratefully. Her face buried into Alex’s shoulder, one arm slung carelessly around Alex’s waist while Alex pulled her close.

The t-shirt they wore grew a sizable wet spot from Sam’s deluge of tears but the bigger it got, the tighter Alex held on. Seeing this person they cared for in such great distress made Alex’s heart ache in such a way that the pain felt almost physical. Sam’s voice had been so broken sounding when she requested to be held and her sobs shook her body with their force. Fortunately, the closeness and tightness of their embrace seemed to be calming Sam slowly, as her whimpers subsided, her shoulder stopped shaking and her breathing began to finally even out again.

The steady rise and fall of Alex’s chest under Sam’s head helped her come back down from to a more clear headed, calm space. Crying hadn’t been her plan to cope but getting all the stress out of her body certainly felt good.

 

As she was relaxing Sam was becoming aware of her situation. Her head rested comfortably on Alex’s shoulder but the wet patch underneath was cold and it was a bit embarrassing that she had just wept and likely gotten snot on this lovely person she was crushing on. Sam sat up abruptly and wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, sloppily trying to get herself if not presentable, then at least no longer damp.

 

“Sorry about the mess I made on you.” Sam cleared her throat and sniffled, rubbing at her wet eyes again. “I wasn’t planning on melting down in someone else’s home today, I guess you’re just the unlucky person who got stuck listening to me.”

Alex puffed out a breathy laugh and shook their head, damp hair falling in front of their face without any product in it to hold it in place.

“Please don’t apologize. I’m sure whatever had you that upset was well worth the meltdown and the wet spot on my shirt. I’m glad I could be of any help at all, you looked lonely crying by yourself.”

 

“Are you alright though?” Alex frowned and pulled their arm back just a bit so they could get a better look. “You obviously don’t have to tell me what’s up but I’m always down to listen if you need it.”

Sam hesitated, if she shared what was bothering her she would have to let Alex know she was pregnant and that really wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted her crush knowing right now but Alex was in their friend group and they would have to know sooner or later, so why not sooner.

“I just had this terrible run-in with an asshole guy that I slept with like, two months ago.” Sam immediately felt Alex tense up next to her as if they were ready to hunt the guy down and fight him already, the thought made her lips quirk in a half-smile.

“Well, we hooked-up and I guess the condom broke and he kind of got me pregnant? But he didn’t really take the news very well and he started yelling, telling me I had to get an abortion and calling me some… not so nice names. And I know I feel good in my decision to keep the baby but it just made me feel so small and some of the things he said really hit a sore spot inside. It made me doubt myself a little.”

Sam could feel Alex’s eyes on her and kept her own eyes on the ground, not feeling confident enough to meet that gaze after making herself vulnerable.

“I guess it also kind of solidified that I’m really going to do this on my own. That I’m going to be parenting a child by myself and the reality of that is really sinking in now that he confirmed he never wants anything to do with the kid. And I should be glad that he doesn’t because I wouldn’t want an asshole like that around my kid but it still stings a little, you know?”

 

Much to Sam’s pleasant surprise, Alex didn’t even flinch at the mention of the baby or give any hint that they were fazed or put off but the idea. Their face only held a distinct, annoyed frown, nose scrunched slightly and eyebrows drawn in.

“I don’t know who that asshole is but if he ever bothers you again, I would be more than happy to go slap him up a little. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, like it’s your fault. I hate that he felt entitled to tell you what to do with your body, to try and undermine your decisions.” Alex’s fists curled and uncurled a few times, releasing their anger quietly so Sam didn’t have to be around any more angry people tonight.

“I hope you know that you’re not completely alone either. Everyone in this house, James, Winn, Lucy, Kara and I will all be there to help you with this. And I know it’s not the same as having that two parent stable dynamic that everyone seems to want but sometimes that’s not all it’s cracked up to be anyway. Your kid will grow up with all of us at your side. It may not be what you hoped for but I hope it’ll be enough to take some of the weight off your shoulders.”

 

When Sam finally got the courage to look up, the sincerity in Alex’s eyes nearly made her start crying again. She had come here looking for Lena but found comfort and a solid shoulder to lean on in Alex Danvers instead and that ended up being exactly what she needed tonight.

“You know, you’re quite good at reassuring people. I feel a lot less stressed than when I first showed up.” Sam placed a hand on Alex’s knee. “I came here looking for Lena but I ended up finding you instead and I think that may have been a stroke of good luck in my favor.”

Alex accepted the compliment with a blush and a modest nod but their grin was bright, showing how much they appreciated the flattery. 

“I’m glad luck pushed you in my direction today too. I guess I’ll have to thank Lena later for not being available. Which speaking of Lena, I think I know why she wasn’t anywhere you expected to find her. Kara talked my ear off this morning about how she was going to meet Lena later in the evening to hang out.” Alex rolled their eyes. “I’d bet Lena is with Kara right now probably receiving some gross heart-eyes from my hopeless sister.”

“Oh my god.” Sam groaned through a wet laugh and Alex took a moment to admire how beautiful it was, proud that they managed to make Sam laugh when just five minutes ago she seemed to be having the worst day possible.. “I swear Alex, Lena has it just as bad as Kara does. They’re constantly flirting but never make any moves! I’m honestly tired of having to witness it all the time. Although, I suppose I’m not any better with expressing my feelings for people I’m crushing on, so maybe I shouldn’t talk.”

Sam glanced shyly up at Alex, and based on the soft look in Alex’s eyes, they picked up on the reference Sam had been making to the unresolved feelings between them.

“You know what? I don’t think you’re doing that bad.” Alex reached over and placed their hand on top of one of Sam’s in the space between them on the couch. “Just keep being your charming self and things will fall into place sooner or later. I’m quite sure of it.”

 

To any outsider, such an exchange would have been vague and easily passed off as friendly banter. Only the two looking at each other with stars in their eyes knew how much it truly meant. It wasn’t an outright promise but Sam could feel through the warmth of Alex’s hand and the softness around their eyes that it was a word she could count on; it was a welcome reassurance. Even though she had spilled a drink on them, had cried on them, and was having a child in nearly seven months, the way Alex looked at her never wavered from anything less than adoration. 

Sam settled herself back into Alex’s side and they reclined back onto the couch. For now, Sam thought, she would bask in this affection for as long as time would allow because no matter what any asshole wanted to yell at her, the way Alex Danvers looked at her made her feel like she deserved to feel this goodness in her life.

 

 ----------

 

Five days, fourteen hours and three minutes after admitting that she wanted to kiss Lena, and Kara was starting to think the right moment might be purposely avoiding her now that she’s finally accepted her feelings and really _really_ wants to act on that feeling. She thought maybe if she said it out loud, it would happen, to speak it into existence, but instead she still had not kissed Lena or even come close.

 

She was indeed, close to Lena, in fact she was right across the table from Lena but that distance was like miles when trying to kiss someone. Lena’s nose was buried in a textbook, and her side of the table was completely covered in loose papers and notebooks. As much as Kara loved Lena’s scrunched look of concentration and the way her tongue peeked out when she was thinking, Kara wanted Lena’s attention to be focused elsewhere, in particular, she wanted Lena’s attention for herself. Sure, studying was important, Kara knew that and knew Lena was especially dedicated but she’d been at it for hours now and Kara was getting a bit restless. Her own work had been set aside in favor of snacking. The saving grace of the evening was that Kara had managed to successfully convince Lena to study at the coffee shop on campus instead of the library so Kara would have access to sticky buns and Lena would have access to hot coffee to fuel her studying.

_“It’s a win-win, Lena!”_

And Lena had rolled her eyes with a smile, but gave in and let Kara lead her to a little booth in the back of the coffee shop where they could quietly work for a bit. Kara had really put in some good work, got homework done and even pulled out her song folder to do some work on songwriting but now nearly four hours later, Kara was losing steam and Lena still seemed to be going, taking sips of coffee without ever looking up from her equations.

After a few more minutes of fruitlessly trying to refocus her energy onto writing, Kara huffed and tossed her pencil down. Her elbows thumped onto the table and her chin rested comfortably in her hand as she stared at Lena across the table, willing her to feel Kara’s gaze but it appeared the telepathic route wouldn’t help get Lena’s attention. Kara tried clearing her throat, then again a bit louder, and again until finally the pen in Lena’s hand abruptly stopped mid-sentence and a smile turned up the corners of Lena’s lips.

With a smirk in place and one eyebrow quirked, Lena dropped her pen and looked up.

 “Yes, Kara?” 

Her voice was full of amusement, letting Kara know she wasn’t an unwelcome distraction.

Kara had been attempting to get Lena’s attention but now that it was on her she found herself blushing, almost unprepared for the way it made her feel to be locked under Lena’s green eyed gaze. Even with such simple two words, Kara was overcome with the realization of how smitten she was by this woman.

 

“Did you need something, Kara?” Lena asked again, noticing that Kara’s eyes were unfocused, her mind likely distracting. Kara shook her head and cleared her throat again, this time more in embarrassment that she’d been caught staring at Lena wordlessly for a bit too long.

“Sorry, I don’t really need anything… We’ve just been working forever and I think it’s time we took a break.”

“It’s only been four hours. I could keep going without a break.” Lena hummed and propped her own chin in her hands, mirroring Kara’s position. “But I’m guessing you’re getting bored?”

“Just a little bit.” Kara turned her gaze down and nodded sheepishly. “I don’t want to stop your flow when you’re working and I do love being able to just spend quiet time with you but I also really want to talk, I want to hear about how your week was, what the best meal you had was or if anything happened that really made you feel good! I like sharing things like that with you.”

Kara’s voice came out with a hint of guilt, making Lena frown. “I could keep going but I think you’re right, we deserve a break.” Lena sighed, closed her textbook and gave Kara a wide smile, hoping to dispel any fault Kara might be feeling.

 “And for future reference, please don’t ever feel bad for distracting me from my work. I love talking with you and sharing with you just as much and I will take any excuse to be able to do that with you.”

 

Once Kara’s shoulders relaxed in relief and a smile was back on her face, Lena grinned and clasped her hands down over the table.

“Great, now that we’ve got that settled, in regards to your inquiries about my week, it was really quite busy. I went with Sam to the doctor earlier and I’ve been helping her with planning which I like but it really does eat up a lot of my time. Any time not spent doing that I was just preparing for a presentation I have to do on biotechnologies for one of my courses. It’s exciting stuff but the presentation part of it wasn’t exactly my favorite, I’m not the biggest fan of being center of attention.”

 “I can show you some of the research I did for that later if you’re interested? There are some revolutionary technologies on the horizon that I think might spark you interest.”

Kara nodded vigorously, and Lena knew she wasn’t just nodding to keep the conversation going. Kara had always taken great interest in the scientific work Lena was learning about. Sometimes Lena wished Kara was pursuing a more science-driven field because she seemed to handily understand a lot of what Lena showed her. Lena was certain Kara was just as scientifically inclined and bright as Lena was but it seemed like Kara held back so she didn’t draw too much attention to herself. Or maybe she felt like she had to pursue other things so she wasn’t encroaching on Alex’s field. Lena knew Kara had always felt like she got in Alex’s way sometimes.  Regardless of that, Kara’s intelligence was just another thing that made Lena love her more and Lena delighted in being able to share her passions with Kara and sharing Kara’s passions too.

 

Speaking of Kara’s passions, she moved on to Kara’s other question.

“As for my favorite meal this week, it would probably be that soup you made for Sam. I gave her a bowl when I got home the other night and I had some too. I have to give you credit, I may have teased you a little but that soup was actually amazing. Also, compared to the stuff they feed us in the campus dining halls, it was like it was made by God herself.”

Kara shrugged and flipped her hair over her shoulder playfully. “Just one of my many talents.” She wiggled her eyebrows at Lena, the mocking arrogance making Lena roll her eyes. “And to think you doubted that my soup was good enough to be named after me.”

 Lena laughed and held her hands up in surrender. “You’re quite right, I suppose I owe you an apology for that. Although, if it makes it any better, that soup was probably also the thing that made me feel good this week. Only second to being here with you now.”

Kara blushed at the compliment but managed to keep her mocking eyes playful. “I see you’re trying to get back on my good side with flattery. You’ll have to try a little harder than that.”

Lena raised an eyebrow to Kara’s challenge and hummed in thought for a moment. “Well, what if I told you that Sam is out today and I got some new tapes from the record store that I think you might want to hear? All brand new tunes that I’d be willing to share with you if you forgave me?”

Kara turned back to Lena with squinted eyes, considering her for a moment before splitting into a cheerful grin and sticking her hand out across the table. “You have yourself a deal!”

Lena chuckled and shook Kara’s hand. “I’m glad you find my terms agreeable.”

 Kara was already ahead of Lena, packing up her papers and bouncing her leg excitedly. “Can we go now? I’ve been dying for some new music and you know I trust your taste so I’m sure there will be some good ones in there.”

“Sure, let me just pack up my stuff.” Lena did her best to keep a cool face while she tossed her things mindlessly into her bag, normally she’d pay more attention to organization but her mind was still replaying what just happened. She had invited Kara back to her place, in a flirty tone which Kara had been flirty in response too. Plus, they would be alone there, no coffee shop patrons watching or tables to keep a distance between them. Lena honestly wasn’t quite sure where she’d found the confidence to pull that off but Kara had seemed to be interested so she decided to ride that as far as it would take her.

 

Kara stood rocking on her heels, making her curls bounce softly and causing Lena’s heart to skip a beat. There was a moment that she allowed herself to just sit and look at Kara and wonder how she’d gotten so lucky to be close to this wonderful person but she only took a moment, there were places she’d rather be right now where she would have more time to display her affection away from prying eyes.  She stood and offered Kara her hand, internally cheering when Kara took it without question.

 The hand in her own kept Lena warm during their walk, as if Kara’s heat was siphoning through Kara’s fingers and into Lena’s, spreading up into her whole body. Or maybe the warmth was just a result of the slightly anxious anticipation of having Kara to herself for the evening.

There had been times before when they were alone together that hadn’t brought this same kind of feeling, but that was before the last time they’d seen each other. Before the time they nearly kissed and Lena’s heart nearly fell straight out of her chest. She wasn’t’ entirely sure her pulse had even calmed completely from that last moment and it was most definitely rushing and pounding right now as she wondered what could happen in their little bubble of solitude tonight.

If nothing happened beyond the normal boundaries of friendship, Lena would be more than satisfied. Spending time with Kara was the most important thing, no matter if they were pressed together kissing or sitting on opposite sides of a room, Kara’s presence was the best part of Lena’s day. But if something did happen that crossed those carefully laid lines, Lena was sure her world would be turned upside down in a way she found herself craving now that she’s felt what it’s like to really want it.

 

 

The buzzing in Lena’s head calmed down once they settled into her room. Everything fell into place and began to feel more comfortable now that Kara’s shoes were sitting next to Lena’s by the door and her skateboard right nearby, her bag on Lena’s chair and coat hung over the back, and of course Kara herself curled up on Lena’s bed with her back against the wall, propped up by too many pillows. The sight of Kara’s things all mingling with her own just made her dorm feel more like a home.

That contented feeling only blossomed more once Lena joined her on the bed. She handed one earbud to Kara and put the other in her own ear, thankful that the connected wires forced a certain degree of closeness when sharing. Their bodies were flush together, settled with Kara’s curled knees resting over Lena’s outstretched thighs and the cassette player resting on Lena’s lap.

Lena played through a few of her tapes, gauging Kara’s pleased reactions through the way her eyes would light up or how her legs would bounce eagerly and rock Lena’s body gently with the force.

 

The sun had set completely in the meantime, leaving them in the yellow glow of Lena’s desk lamp creating a more relaxed atmosphere and seemingly lulling Kara into a sleepy daze. Her body leaned more heavily into Lena’s with each song until her curls were brushing Lena’s collar and her head was resting on Lena’s shoulder.

Soon enough, Lena felt Kara yawn and puff a breath out against her neck, so she rolled up her earbuds and placed the cassette player to the side

“Alright, that’s enough for today. I’ll show you the rest of the new music another time.” Lena turned her head, speaking into Kara’s soft hair and reveling in the smell of her cocoa butter shampoo.

Kara’s hummed in agreement. “That’s fine. Just another excuse for me to come see you again.” Her head stayed firmly planted on Lena’s shoulder, showing no intention of moving anytime soon, so Lena laid her own head on top and let herself close her eyes for a moment.

“You’re usually more energetic this late into the night. That sugar crash must finally be catching up to you after all those sticky buns you had at the coffee shop earlier.”

 Kara scoffed and used her shoulder to weakly nudge Lena. “Hey, don’t judge, I need that fuel to focus on my writing! The best songs come on a full stomach, Lena. It’s science, you can’t argue with science.”

Lena chuckled reached her hand over across Kara’s curled knees to let her hand rest there on her thigh, patting affectionately. “You’re right. I can’t argue with science, although you don’t exactly have evidence to prove that statement, so… check and mate.”

“You just have to wait and see. The songs I was writing today are gonna be our biggest hits because I was satisfied by sugary goodness while writing them.” Kara moved her head from Lena’s shoulder to give a pointed look, daring Lena to challenge her with an indignant smirk on her lips.

“Kara, as much as I admire your confidence I think it might be a bit of insult to your talent to imply that all of your best work comes solely from food. Unless food really is your secret inspiration in which case I won’t judge, though I will admit your process is a lot simpler than I previously thought.” Lena countered, now smirking back at Kara who huffed in response.

 “Of course, it’s not just food, I get inspired by lots of things! I’m just saying, food is merely an enhancement to get my idea-box flowing.” Kara rolled her eyes in good spirits and tapped the side of her head with her pointer finger.

 “You know, I am curious about your inspirations, in all seriousness. What kind of things get Kara Danvers inspired enough to write a song? What makes you tick?” Lena’s head cocked to the side, causing Kara to swallow thickly under her sharp, inquisitive gaze.

 

The immediate thought in Kara’s head was _‘you’_ but it felt like such a bold statement to make after the lighthearted teasing they had been engaging in throughout most of the day. Kara had been prepping herself to find the right moment to kiss Lena for days now but finally in the present, she found it incredibly hard to actually act on any of her impulses. Her confidence levels were at a bit of a low while her nervous sweat levels were reaching a high. So she went with a more vague answer. 

“A lot of things inspire me. It’s always something different, and sometimes it’s something you never would have expected. There are plenty of times I’m sitting around in a random place and something just strikes me. But I think most often it’s the people I love who inspire me. It’s things I love about them, or times we’ve shared together because those are the things that mean the most so I can get more emotion into my writing.”

Kara’s eyes shifted nervously, as if she was worried of what Lena might think of her explanation. It had sounded a bit cheesy to say it out loud, but the way Lena’s sharp eyes softened the more Kara spoke, the more she remembered who she was talking to. This was Lena, and Lena was hard on the outside to a lot of the word but mushy with people she was close to and Kara knew better than anyone that Lena was just as much of a sucker for cheesy things as Kara was. It was clear in the adoration in Lena’s face that she understood what Kara was saying.

“I should have known your inspiration would come from sappy things.” Lena grinned, loving the shy smile on Kara’s lips. “That explains why I love your music so much. Probably why everyone seems to love it. You get crowds going and they can feel what you’re saying in those songs because you make the feelings so vivid in your lyrics.”

“Exactly!” Kara beamed and snaked her free hand up to place over the one Lena had resting on her thigh. “I want to write about things that I’m passionate about so people can feel that and relate to it. And it always helps in the actual writing process too. If I’m writing about something I care about then I can write the song faster.”

  

Lena found her mind wandering back to the song Kara had been writing before they had been separated. Her gaze flicked over to the shelf where she kept her cassettes, zeroing in on the one she had been avoiding for so long, the one Kara had recorded for her and gave her the last time they’d seen each other. She had listened to it all the time when she first left Midvale for her school overseas as a way to just hear Kara’s voice when she was missing her, but after a while it hurt too much to listen to and when a few years passed, the cassette just sat collecting dust.

Lena wondered if Kara ever finished that song. If she would ever get to hear the finished product or if it had been pushed aside by Kara as well. Even more, she wondered what Kara’s inspiration for that song had been at the time, because the lyrics felt so intimate and even a bit romantic.

 

“So if songs are written pretty quickly, have you finished that rough draft of a song you taped and gave me before I left? Do you remember that?” Lena remembered that time affectionately, though her mind was now preoccupied with wondering if Kara did have a romantic inspiration already and who that might have been back then. Or if they were they still in Kara’s life now.

Kara smiled fondly, though her cheeks were now stained red. “Oh gosh, of course I remember that. I’m _still_ embarrassed about that. I was so nervous to share it with you and honestly I was sort of hoping you may have forgotten about it.”

Lena laughed, short and surprised. “You thought I would forget about it? Oh, Kara. It was the cutest thing ever! I still even have it on my shelf now and honestly I should really listen to it again because your voice is probably so cute and young sounding.” Lena cooed and squeezed her arm around Kara’s knees, delighting in the way Kara buried her face back into Lena’s shoulder.

“God, you still have it. Of course you still have it. I’ll never escape that; it’s immortalized on tape.” Kara groaned, though it was broken up by breathy laughter. “I suppose you’d think I would have it done by now considering it’s been a few years but that song is actually about the same as it was since I recorded it then. I haven’t made any progress.”

Lena drew her eyebrows together, though her lips were still curled up slightly at the ends. “Why not? I know it was a really rough draft when you gave it to me but I thought it had potential. The lyrics sounded quite… romantic.”

Lena tried to keep her tone from coming across as jealous or too curious, even though she was feeling both of those emotions when she added that last comment. It wasn’t out of bitterness, just insecurity, Lena knew she hadn’t even spoken to Kara about her feelings yet but the thought of someone else being Kara’s romantic interest made her heart sink.

 

Kara picked up on the nearly nervous lilt in Lena’s voice, sounding like she was searching for some specific answer from Kara. It was that tone mixed with the way Lena’s eyebrows drew up in question over nervous eyes that were openly displaying their insecurity to Kara, that made up Kara’s mind. This was the moment, she could decide to be vague again and give an answer that was truthful but not complete. Or she could ease that crinkle on Lena’s forehead and make her see that there was only one thing that inspired Kara over and over and over again.

“Lena…” Kara lifted her head, willing herself not to lose courage. And it was easier this time in the face of Lena who now looked so young and vulnerable. It was easy because Kara knew the only thing she wanted to do was to reassure Lena that she was the only person Kara couldn’t keep off her mind. “I honestly just couldn’t finish it because my inspiration was no longer there. When you left, you took a part of me with you when you left for boarding school and I haven’t been able to write a single word for that song since you left because you were what made me write it in the first place.”

Lena’s cheeks blushed, and her eyes widened in surprise but she stayed silent, staring at Kara with some unreadable expression, so Kara rambled on a bit more.

“It is a kind of romantic song but it didn’t really start off that way, I just knew you made me feel something special and I wanted to write a song for you. I sat down and started thinking about your smile when you rolled your eyes at my bad puns, your laugh when I shoved too much food into my mouth, the way your eyes lit up when you’re telling me about some new technologies your brother was letting you tinker with, or the way your whole body would go soft when we would hole up in my room late at night to share secrets and worries and promises. And then all of a sudden I realized I was writing a love song about my best friend and it terrified the hell out of me, but I couldn’t stop writing it once I had found something I was passionate about. Then you left, and I didn’t get to see your smile anymore, I hadn’t heard your voice in months, I no longer got to hug you, or brush your hair out of your eyes or share my music with you and I missed you too much to write that song anymore because I thought I might - well, I thought I had lost the person I loved before I even fully comprehended those feelings for them.”  


Kara paused for a deep breath, now blushing furiously under the look of complete shock on Lena’s face. Her voice trembled a bit, confidence stumbling as she wondered what was going through Lena’s mind right now. She had wanted to tell Lena about her feelings but her original plan hadn’t been to spill everything like she just did. Kara only hoped now that Lena wasn’t too overwhelmed by it all.

“So no, I haven’t finished that song yet.” Kara held up her hands and gave Lena a pointed look. “But I do know I just dropped a lot on you and I’m really sorry about that.  I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything in response and I don’t want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. And if you want me to leave, I will totally leave right now so you can have some time to process. I just - I wanted to be honest with you and I hope you can be honest with me too even if you think it might hurt my feelings.”

 

Kara’s face was pinched into a sort of cringe while she nervously waited for some sort of response from Lena, who still appeared to be coming out of her initial shock. Seconds dragged on and Kara hated how she felt like she was awaiting judgement. She knew Lena wouldn’t necessarily judge her for her feelings, Lena wasn’t that kind of person, but Kara still couldn’t predict if the reaction would be positive after the wordy confession she had just made.

 Lena’s face seemed to travel through many emotions in the passing minute, going through surprise, to realization, to consideration and finally settling on something that reminded Kara of that look she had mentioned, where Lena’s eyes went soft as they shared their deepest thoughts in the safety of Kara’s old room. It occurred to her that they were doing that same thing right now, legs still curled together on Lena’s bed, the sun long gone and Kara’s heart laid bare.

 

“Kara.” Lena spoke her name quietly, her voice breathy and potent with longing. “You are the sappiest, most beautiful, caring person I have ever met in my entire life and I hope you never feel like you have to apologize for speaking your mind around me. Please, _please_ don’t ever apologize for your feelings, darling. Especially not when I have been dreaming about kissing you for weeks now.”

Kara’s head whipped up, her eyebrows shooting up in attention at the earnest emotion dripping off of Lena’s words. Lena wanted to kiss her? All this time Kara had been waiting for this perfect moment to kiss her and all she had to do was ask?

“You want to kiss me?” Kara asked, wanting to make sure she got confirmation before her heartbeat ran away from her with how fast it was pumping.

Lena huffed out a sigh and smiled, relieved to finally have that off her chest.

“Yes, Kara. I really _really_ want to kiss you.”

 

Laughing wasn’t the most appropriate reaction to such a statement but Kara couldn’t help herself. She threw her head back and let herself laugh and enjoy this carefree moment. She had spent so much time being confused about her feelings, then more time agonizing over whether or not to speak about them and risk her friendship with Lena, and in the end she had nothing to really worry about at all and that felt so damn good.

She turned her beaming gaze back to Lena, with a smile so wide her cheeks felt like they might split. “I promise I’m not laughing at you. I want to clarify that. I just can’t believe you want to kiss me. This is amazing!”

Another laugh burst from Kara’s chest and Lena joined her now, unable to keep from falling into Kara’s infectious happiness.

“You can’t believe I want to kiss you? Kara, I can’t believe you wrote me a love song! And even more, I can’t believe you would think I wouldn’t want to kiss you after learning that. It’s like, every girl’s dream to have someone write them a love song.” Lena reached over and clasped Kara’s hands in between her own. “I can’t believe I’m the lucky person that your cheesy ass wrote a song about.”

Kara blushed and pulled Lena’s hands up to press a kiss on her knuckles. “I think I’m the lucky one to be able to have your cheesy ass to inspire me.”

Lena shook her head and leaned herself in, pressing her forehead carefully to Kara’s. “Are we really going to debate about who’s luckier when we could be kissing already?” She quirked an eyebrow in question and Kara shrugged in answer.

 “Well, when you put it that way… I would definitely much rather be kissing you because I have been trying to find a moment to kiss you all freaking day.” Kara no longer felt embarrassed to admit that now that she knew Lena had been thinking about it for weeks but she still got a little shy seeing Lena’s lips right near her own, pink and still a bit shiny from the remnants of Lena’s lip gloss. She wanted to do this right, to make a good first kiss for Lena because Lena was different than anyone else Kara had ever kissed, though Kara knew most first kisses were bound to be a bit clumsy while you’re still trying to get a feel for the other person’s lips against your own. 

 “I know you said you wanted to kiss me already but I’d be remiss if I didn’t check in again, I’m all about consent.” Kara nudged her nose against Lena’s and smiled at the feeling of Lena’s breath tickling her face. “Can I kiss you now, please?”

 

A spike of warm, buzzing energy from Lena’s stomach pushed up her chest and into her throat at the deep, almost raspy tone of Kara’s question. Her face felt like it was on fire, her body was sweating in so many places and Lena couldn’t recall if she remembered how to kiss someone properly now that she was this close to Kara, but she couldn’t find it in herself to think this moment was any less than perfect for a first kiss.

 “Please kiss me, Kara.” She whispered into the tiny space between their lips, then chased her words to meet Kara’s lips in a slightly uneven but wonderfully gentle kiss.

 

As Kara expected, their lips took a moment to find each other perfectly, but it only took a few seconds before they were sliding against each other easily as if they’d been kissing each other for years. Kara pulled away, and leaned back in for another kiss, and Lena let out this dreamy sounding sigh against her lips that had Kara breaking away to laugh softly.

“’I’m sorry, I’m just still in shock.” Kara grinned and nuzzled her nose against Lena’s, her eyes still closed while she savored the pleasant tingle left on her lips.

 “Maybe you just need to be kissed again so you can get used to it?” Lena nuzzled her back and reached one of her hands up to bury at the nape of Kara’s neck. Feeling Kara’s head nod enthusiastically to her offer, she leaned in again slowly, and nearly whimpered when she felt the soft bumps and ridges of Kara’s lips pressing to her own.

  
Kara’s hands came to rest timidly at Lena’s sides, cupping her lower back and pulling just a bit to bring herself further into Lena’s lap while her thumbs smoothed circles against the fuzzy fabric separating her from Lena’s soft skin.

At first, Kara’s mind had been blank, then the thoughts came rushing in, taking note of every warm breath against her skin, Lena’s lips opening just a bit to pull Kara’s lower lip between them, and the way she felt almost like she was drunk from their kiss. It stimulated Kara’s emotions to the point of them bubbling over and she felt the overwhelming need to remember all of these things and capture them in some way, even though she had a suspicion that this wouldn’t be the last time she kissed Lena. She just realized what she had been missing all of those times she had held herself back and she didn’t want to let anything slip from her fingers again.

Kara pulled back reluctantly from the kiss, smiling at the pout on Lena’s lips as she did.

“You don’t have to leave yet do you?” Lena dragged her hand through Kara’s hair to the tips, playing with the ends of her curls soothingly and Kara shook her head under the ministrations.

“No, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, I’m just feeling a lot and my brain is on overdrive and I need a moment to breathe.”

“My kisses left you breathless, huh?” Lena teased lightly.

“You always leave me breathless, Lena. Your kisses, your smile, your eyes, your compassion. Everything about you.” Kara gave her a cheesy smile and accepted the embarrassed eye roll she got from Lena in return.

“Alright, no more cheesiness from you tonight, you’ve reached your daily cheese limit.” The hand at Kara’s nape dipped down the collar of Kara’s t-shirt, letting the tag scratch up against the back of Lena’s hand. “While you take a breather, do you think you’d be up for holding me for a bit?”

The request was shy and Kara met it with an enthusiastic _‘yes’_ , immediately opening her arms for Lena to make herself comfortable between Kara’s legs, her head laying on Kara’s collarbone.

\----------

Later, once Lena had quickly fallen asleep in Kara’s embrace, Kara stretched over to Lena’s desk, trying not to jostle the other woman while she ripped a piece of paper from an open notebook and snatched up a pen. Now that her inspiration was back in her arms, Kara set her mind to finishing that song, with the memory of a great kiss on her mind and the taste of Lena’s lip gloss on her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! I was a bit unsure of this chapter and how the dynamics came across. 
> 
> Your feedback means everything to me !!
> 
>  
> 
> Hope to see you back for the next chapter


	8. Mutually Assured Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back y'all! I promise I didn't forget about you, I just had a lot on my plate! So, new chapter is a little short because life got out of hand and I was super stressed but the next one should be back to average chapter length, with more plot content and more agentreign/supercorp goodness. One other thing, my fall semester classes have started so I am significantly more busy with school and my job after school so my time is WAY more limited than it was over the summer. That being said, this story will not be left behind, it simply will be updated not every week like it used to be. I'll need a little bit of time to really settle in and figure out what my schedule will be like but the goal is to update every other week! So stay tuned for another chapter shortly :)

Falling asleep propped up against the cinderblock walls hadn’t been the most ideal position to fall asleep in. Kara’s back was aching, her legs were numb and the distinct sensation of pins and needles was poking at her neck as the sun brought her back into the waking world.

However, all the aches and pains were quickly forgiven after Kara’s sleepy eyes blinked into focus and took in her surroundings. Lena was still asleep, draped across Kara’s chest with her nose nuzzled deep into Kara’s fuzzy sweater. Even though the positioning was uncomfortable and she was pretty sure Lena’s body was cutting off circulation in her legs, the privilege of waking up with an adorable, sleeping Lena in her arms was completely worth it.  

A quick glance towards the clock on Lena’s desk thankfully showed that she had miraculously managed to wake up in time to make it to her morning class. The only obstacle now was actually getting out of bed when she was still feeling positively sluggish, not to mention the fact that with Lena’s body pinning her down, she wasn’t going anywhere any time soon unless she woke up the sleeping beauty. And as much as Kara didn’t want to disturb the adorably peaceful look on Lena’s face, she did have exams she couldn’t miss today so she took one last look at Lena’s closed eyes and parted lips, then reached around to run her hands up and down Lena’s arms in a soothing motion.

 “Lena, it’s time to wake up. I gotta get to class.” She murmured into dark wavy hair until Lena finally began to stir from her slumber. The sunlight filtering through the blinds caused her nose to scrunch up as she awoke and her eyes began to adjust to the aggressive brightness of daylight.

“Mmmm… Good morning.” Lena grumbled. Even despite the tenseness in her body, that had been the best sleep Lena had in a while considering how many nights she’d been kept up studying or writing papers for finals over the past week. Her arms stretched over her head, letting her shoulders and back pop in a very satisfying remedy to the stiffness in her muscles and as she lowered her arms, they came to rest on Kara’s shoulders. With her hands laced together, she cupped the back of Kara’s neck and gave her bedmate a blissful, squinty-eyed smile that had Kara’s own lips curling up in response. 

“Good morning.” Kara wrapped her arms snugly around Lena’s waist and tugged her to sit up between Kara's legs, letting her forehead come to rest against Lena’s. The morning brought a bit of shyness to their gazes after the events of the night before but Kara's sleep hazed mind was still not embarrassed enough to let it filter her thoughts this early.

“I know we both probably have morning breath but I’d also really like to kiss you right now.”

Lena drew her in until Kara’s nose bumped against her own, flicking her gaze down to Kara’s lips. “Hmm, that actually sounds like a fantastic way to start this day. Since we both have morning breath I don't see why we can't. I think it kind of evens out so, please proceed." 

Kara's lips curled into a smile and she tilted her chin forward, letting her lips brush against Lena’s as she whispered. “I like the way you think.”

Lena’s felt like her body was turning to mush as her lips met Kara's and her body was pressed up against Kara’s warmth, all of the tension in her muscles seeped away. A contented sigh pushed out of Kara’s nose and tickled Lena’s skin, sending shivers down her back. This was already Lena's new favorite way to wake up in the morning. With Kara’s lips tugging around her lower lip, Lena’s heart was fluttering and her mind was aroused. She was pretty sure waking up to Kara’s warm kisses was a better morning pick-me-up than any cup of coffee could ever be.

 

It seemed to be a nearly perfect morning until Lena was reminded that she still had a roommate who decided to make her presence known at that moment, striding out of the bathroom and startling the two out of their kiss.

“Oh, look who’s awake.” Sam mumbled around her toothbrush, sending a curt wave to the blushing women. “Better get your asses moving or you’re gonna be late.” Sam pointed to the clock, grabbed a box of tampons, then made her way back to the bathroom to finish her morning routine, disappearing just as quickly as she emerged and restoring a much appreciated sense of privacy to the room.

 “Unfortunately, she is right.” Kara huffed, her shoulders slumping as the reality of getting up and leaving for class became more apparent. “I’ve got an exam at nine that I’ll be late for if I don’t leave soon. And it’s with that professor that locks the door on you if you show up even a minute late, which is such a jerk move.”

“Well, you better get moving then.” Lena pulled herself reluctantly from Kara’s arms and onto the cold tile floor. She held her hand out for Kara to take and pulled her towards the edge of the bed so she was within reach to leave a lingering kiss on Kara's cheek. “Do you need to borrow any clothes or anything since you slept over?”  
  
Kara shook her head. “I think I’m good. I should have time to run home before my first class. I don’t think it would be very fair of me to hoard any more of your sweaters anyway.” 

“Oh, I don’t really mind.” Lena dismissed Kara’s slightly guilty look. Seeing the blonde in her clothes was a heart-warming sight that Lena quite enjoyed, so a small part of her was disappointed that Kara had turned down her offer. Lena’s clothes weren’t as loose and baggy on Kara as Kara’s clothes were on Lena, but she still looked irresistibly cute in them and sometimes Lena was certain Kara looked better in her clothes better than Lena did. 

 

The first time she’d seen Kara in her clothes had swiftly become one of Lena’s new favorite memories. She’d gone out to meet Kara at the cinema to catch a film together and arrived to see Kara waiting outside in the chilly air wearing Lena’s old sweatshirt, the one she’d lent her before she left Midvale for boarding school. At first, she’d been a bit shocked that Kara still had the sweater even though Lena still had Kara’s Midvale Track sweater. It just felt different to keep a memento of Kara close by, Kara was worth that kind of remembrance and Lena wasn’t sure if she was worthy of the same level of importance.

 She’d expressed as much to Kara, casually commenting about her surprise that Kara still had the old sweatshirt considering it had already been worn out when Lena rummaged it from Lex’s closet. No doubt it had seen many years of wear, tear and some bleach stains.

 Kara had blushed and shrugged her shoulders, replying simply with, _“It reminds me of you. I like wearing it to feel close to you even when we’re not together."_

 The tender look in Kara’s eyes and the reverent way she said the words made Lena’s heart skip a beat. Being missed and longed for wasn’t something she was very used to feeling and it came as quite a shock to know that to Kara, Lena was important enough to be missed.

  
Lena hadn’t known quite how to respond to the revelation and the prolonged silence only made Kara’s heated blush spread from her cheeks, down her neck. Kara rushed to fill the silence by changing the subject, pointing to the doors and dragging Lena in, claiming that they were going to be late for the film if they stood around dallying any longer. 

As they stood in line, Lena watched Kara talk animatedly with open affection, though Kara was already going on about what snacks they should get and didn’t seem to take any notice to the unwavering gaze. Lena continued to sneak glances, internally warring with whether or not to tell Kara that she wore Kara’s old track sweatshirt for the same reasons Kara wore Lena’s old sweatshirt. She continued to ponder it until the theater darkened and the movie came on, preventing her from bringing it up. So she tucked the memory away safely, hoping someday she would have the opportunity to bring it up again.

 

One of the wonderful perks of having Kara back in her life was that she didn’t need to wear Kara’s sweatshirt to feel close to her anymore. Often, Lena found herself in the company of Kara several times a week, spending quality time with Kara or expanding her friend group with Kara’s friends and letting her roots settle back into Kara. She was at a place in life where things were beginning to click together now that she had her best friend back and even more new supportive friends that made Lena actually feel like she was wanted. Now, as she watched Kara hopping on one foot in her bedroom trying to shove the other foot into her shoe, she was overcome with a wave of warmth in her body that felt a lot like belonging, like everything was finally right in the world again.

Lena slid on her own sneakers and stepped over to Kara to give her a steadying hand, earning a bright, grateful smile in return. Kara made quick work of wiggling her shoes back on and standing up straight again, bringing herself into Lena’s space, so her nose brushed against Lena's.

Lena wrapped an arm around Kara’s neck and brought the other around her waist to fist into the hem of her shirt. She peered up at Kara through dark eyelashes, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she took a moment to appreciate the height difference and how attractive Kara looked from this angle.

“Will you be around tonight? Maybe I can see you after class today?” Her tone came off a bit seductive, which wasn’t exactly Lena’s intention but it did draw a wonderful blushing reaction from Kara whose lips were now hanging open, unable to form a sentence just yet as Lena pulled their bodies flush together.

 It took a few seconds but Kara managed to regain her composure, returning Lena’s embrace and sliding her arms securely around Lena’s waist to splay her fingers out along her back, feeling the tops of dark hair tickling her hands. A pleasant shudder ran up Lena’s spine as she allowed herself to lean into Kara’s grip and soak in the affection, knowing it had to come to an end soon.

Kara’s face shifted into a disappointed frown, confirming Lena's thoughts. “I can’t see you tonight, unfortunately. We’ve got our Friday night show today and another on Saturday. I won’t have much time to see you. But I’m free on Sunday though! How about we relax, just you, me and some snacks and have a lazy Sunday together?”

“That sounds like a lovely idea! I can pick up snacks at the corner store on my way over.” Lena leaned in for a chaste kiss, pulling away quickly before Kara could sink into it and giving her a subtle nudge towards the door.

“Okay, okay. I’ll get going. I’ll see you Sunday.” Kara slung her bag over her shoulder and backed towards the door slowly giving Lena a wink before ducking out and darting down the hall to her class.

“I can’t wait.” Lena whispered to herself, plopping down onto her bed and laying back comfortably.

As soon as the door closed and Kara’s footsteps faded down the hall, Sam popped back out of the bathroom with a smirk on her face, eyebrow raised teasingly.

“So… That kiss, huh?”

Lena threw her arm up to flash Sam her middle finger from her place on the bed. “Oh, hush you. Let me have my moment.”

Sam chuckled and threw her finger up back at Lena. “No one’s stopping you from having your moment, especially not me. We all know that’s been a long time coming and honestly, you deserve it.”

Lena’s lips split into a grin as she absorbed that idea, the idea that she was deserving of these good feelings. There were times when she didn’t feel worthy of so many of her accomplishments or relationships. She’d been trained from an early age to believe she barely even deserved the basic necessities her adoptive family provided for her, she was a waste of money in their eyes. But Lena had seen the way Kara had looked at her after their first kiss, like Lena had been what she’d been waiting for her whole life. And if she was deserving of Kara and the affection of such an amazing person, then maybe, Lena thought, she was doing alright after all.

 

\----------

  

Sunday evening rolled around and Lena’s room was filled with the sounds of music from the mixtape Kara made her. She swayed to the beat as she put her makeup on and hummed along while pulling on a pair of jeans and a soft red flannel, trying to loosen up as she got herself ready to leave for Kara's house.

The last two days had passed almost painfully slow and Lena needed some feel-good music to get her out of the funk the weekend had put her in. So she turned on the tunes and did her makeup all nice, nothing over the top but simply applied with more care than usual because today was special. Today she would get to see Kara again since they had last kissed.

 Not that she had to dress up or try hard to look really nice for Kara. She knew for a fact that Kara liked her however she looked, even right after waking up with a grumpy demeanor and dark circles under her eyes. Still, it couldn’t hurt to put in a little extra effort to get that satisfying flustered reaction from Kara who sometimes seemed adorably in awe of Lena’s attractiveness. That was always a nice perk of looking good, it boosted Lena’s confidence to put in extra effort to look nice for herself. She knew from the longing looks of desire and constant compliments that Kara desired her but Lena also wanted to feel good about herself without the extra validation from Kara and putting on makeup and a cute outfit did just that.

 

The confidence added an extra spring to her step, allowing her to make the trip to Kara’s apartment in record time. She knocked on the door in a quick, rapping pattern riding the high of her morale, only to have it dampened slightly when the door opened to Winn’s smiling face instead of Kara’s.

He barely got out a “Hey, Lena.” Before he was promptly shoved out of the way to make room for Kara beaming brightly in the doorframe.

Lena returned the smile, already feeling the butterflies in her stomach, though she quickly noticed the slightly sheepish, apologetic look in Kara’s eyes that she was doing a very poor job of hiding. 

Sensing something wasn’t quite right she narrowed her eyes, leaning in to read Kara’s expression closer until Kara broke under the look and her smile turned into more of an awkward cringe.

“Kara, is something wrong? Are you alright?” Lena reached a hesitant hand out to Kara’s forearm gently. Her worry instantly overtook the light feeling she'd had her whole way over, but Kara shook her head and immediately reached out to Lena to reassure her.

 “No, no no! Don’t worry I’m all good, it’s just..’ Kara laid a hand on top of Lena’s and stepped closer, bringing the door behind her to block the view from inside. “Okay, so I kind of forgot that this Sunday was planned to be our group game night? And I know I invited you to just hang out with me and this isn’t what you were expecting so if you want to go home I get that. But the whole gang is here and we would all absolutely love it if you joined!” Kara brought her free hand up to tuck a stray hair behind Lena’s ear, letting it linger on her rosy cheek. “And I would especially love it if you stayed because I can’t even tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again.”

 Kara’s tone turned pleading and the beginnings of a pout drew on her face, both attempts to coerce Lena into stay, but Lena had already been sold the moment Kara’s warm fingers had caressed her cheek. She had waited patiently for the last two days to go by so she could spend some quality time with her best friend and she wasn’t about to leave now and give up that opportunity.

“Kara, of course I’ll stay. I love hanging out with your friends, you know that.” She raised her free hand to cup over the one Kara had on her cheek. “I definitely don’t need to be convinced, I have been looking forward to seeing you too. Being in your presence is all I need right now.” Lena’s hand moved to Kara’s waist to tug at her shirt and pull her closer. “I was also looking forward to being able to kiss you again, if you would be so inclined?”

She offered it as a question, letting her doubts slip through for a moment. A lot could happen in two days and maybe Kara had decided that she didn’t want to kiss Lena again since they’d last seen each other. But Kara responded with a grin and wrapped herself tight around Lena’s waist.

“I would love to kiss you again. I’m actually really glad you asked because I’ve been kind of nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss me again. I mean, you did want to kiss me the other night and you never gave any hint that you didn’t want to kiss me again but as soon as I left that morning I just started overthinking and my anxiety kind of took over and made me second guess myself a little.”

 While Lena was relieved that she wasn’t the only one feeling a bit uncertainty, she didn’t like the nervous look in Kara’s eyes and sought to chase it away with a kiss immediately. She pressed her lips over Kara's and kissed her softly until she felt her loosen up. Her teeth tugged Kara’s lower lip between them gently and her hands came up to cup Kara’s cheeks, making sure she thoroughly kissed away any doubt before pulling away. Kara’s eyes stayed shut, her lips parted in awe to let out a breathy, ‘ _wow’_ at the heated kiss. 

Lena chuckled and stood up on her toes to place one last kiss on the corner of Kara’s lips.

“I second guessed myself too, but I can assure you I would definitely like it if you continued to kiss me. I’m only sorry I wasn’t more clear about that the other day.” Lena ran her hands down Kara’s arms until she met Kara’s hands and laced their fingers together. “I want you, Kara, in whatever capacity you want me, especially if that includes kissing.”

The smile that took over Kara’s face was so wide Lena could nearly feel the stretch in her own cheeks just by looking at it. Kara’s grin quickly turned flirty as Kara ducked down to nuzzle under Lena’s jaw to hide her blush and press a feather light kiss there.

“I am so glad you clarified that, wow. That is such a relief, I was so anxious about that. I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into because I’m just gonna kiss you like, all the time now.” Kara giggled and Lena joined her, unable to avoid the infectiousness of Kara’s happiness. She leaned up to nudge her scrunched nose against Kara’s and kissed her again, only stopping when Alex’s muffled voice yelled from the other side of the door.

“Are you kids gonna stand out in the cold all day or can we start game night already? Winn is going ot implode if Mario Kart doesn’t start in the next five minutes.”  
  
Kara sighed and pulled away. “We probably should go in; it is pretty chilly out here anyway.” She reached behind her to push the door open, pausing for a quick moment to lean back in for one more kiss. "By the way, you look really lovely tonight." Kara winked and turned back to open the door, ushering Lena into the warmth of her apartment.

Their arrival brought a cacophony of cheers and enthusiastic greetings from the game night crew. Lena noticed nearly immediately how everyone seemed coupled in their own little pockets amongst the living room. James was on the floor, propped up against the couch with Lucy between his legs laying back against his chest, Alex and Sam were pressed together on the couch side by side with Alex’s arm casually hung over the back of the couch around Sam’s shoulder, and Winn was on the floor in front of the TV with his Super Nintendo in hand, eagerly awaiting everyone to settle in so they could begin.

 After surveying the room, Lena’s eyes went right back to Sam and Alex, making sure Sam saw the teasing smirk on her lips as she raised her eyebrows and motioned between the two of them in question.

 Sam blushed and shook her head, giving Lena a look that said _‘I’ll tell you later.’_ Which Lena wasn’t fully satisfied with, but it was game night and this wasn’t the place to get Sam to dish on details. For now, she would have to settle for subtle wordless teasing because much to Winn’s delight, game night had officially begun.

 

Lena found herself on the opposite end of the couch from Sam and Alex with Kara next to her, though Kara had placed herself at a distance much farther than Lena wanted. At first, she didn’t think anything of it but as the night went on Kara continued to hold back from being as affectionate as she usually was. Even things she would do before they had added kissing to their relationship Kara seemed hesitant to do. She’d barely even touched Lena since they had sat down and after their conversation outside where Kara had seemed enthusiastically ready to be affectionate all the time, Lena was left feeling more than a little confused.

Whatever was bothering Kara clearly wasn’t too pressing of an issue because she still appeared to be enjoying herself, bickering playfully with Alex, teasing Winn and chatting comfortably with everyone else. It was just when she came back to Lena that her interactions seemed almost nervous in a very uncharacteristic way.

Lena shook her head and stood up from the couch, stretching her back out. She didn’t want to get carried away with her thoughts and worries right now, she wanted to enjoy game night and just address whatever had Kara acting all antsy later. So she excused herself to the kitchen for a glass of water and took a minute to clear her mind so she could get back to the lovely evening that was happening in the other room.

 She heard Kara’s muffled voice from the living room excusing herself to the kitchen, feet padding softly across the tile floor until one of her arms wrapped around Lena’s waist and her chin was resting on Lena’s shoulder so she could mumble quietly into her ear.

“Hey.”

Lena turned her head slightly until Kara’s nose brushed her cheek. “Hey, yourself.” She felt her worries ease as if they’d never happened at all as soon as Kara’s warmth was enveloping her.

“I’m sorry for being weird in there. I was trying not to show my anxiety but I know you noticed. You had that crinkly worried look on your face.”

Lena slid her hand over Kara’s on top of her stomach ad laced their fingers together. “It’s alright, Kara. I did notice but I wasn’t going to bring it up tonight, didn’t want to interrupt game night. Are you alright though?”

She felt Kara’s nodding response against her shoulder and a kiss against her collar that followed. “I’m fine. I just realized I never asked if you were okay with me being affectionate with you around our friends and I didn’t want to do anything just in case you didn’t want them to know that we’re dating.”

 Lena grinned, she should have known it was nothing to worry about. Of course, the thing Kara was anxious about was only worrying about pushing Lena’s boundaries. She took a moment to thank whatever she did in her life to earn the affections of such a caring, wonderful person before focusing in on the last thing Kara had said.

Dating.

Is that what this was now? Lena honestly wasn’t quite sure. She hadn’t experienced this kind of soft, shy courting that Kara had been politely engaging in. When she was in boarding school the closest thing she had to relationships were just some make-outs with people she felt, frankly, indifferent about at best. With Kara, those feelings were much _much_ stronger and deeper and she secretly hoped they would lead to more than kissing. But kissing was all they had agreed on thus far.

 She turned her head to give Kara a smirk, hiding her uncertainty in a tease.

“Dating, huh? Don’t we have to go on dates for that to be true.”

 Despite her blush, Kara scoffed jokingly and rolled her eyes. “I mean, I don’t think there are any specific rules but if you want to play it that way then how about you go on a date with me? Then we can really be dating in technical terms if that’s what you want.”

“Hmm… I suppose you have a point. I have always been a bit of a stickler for technicalities so, take me on a date then.” Lena pressed a kiss to Kara’s cheek.

Kara pulled away to spin Lena around in her arms, bringing them nose to nose. “Great, and since I’m the one that asked you out I get to plan it!” 

 

Lena already had so many ideas in her head for dates she wanted to take Kara on but she conceded and agreed to let Kara plan this one. Kara was a hopeless romantic at heart and she knew all of that pent up romance would be put to good use in planning a date that she expected would be wonderful in every way as long as Kara was behind it.

“Well, as much as I’m glad we sorted that out and as much as I’d love to stay here and keep you to myself the rest of the night, we really should get back to the living room before someone calls us out.” Lena tilted her chin up to place a small kiss to Kara’s nose. “Just please, don’t hesitate to be affectionate if you want to this time. I don’t mind if our friends know about us and besides, I think we both know that Alex would have figured it out soon anyway. They are kind of creepily in tune with their surroundings.” 

Kara smiled goofily as she backed her way out of Lena’s arms toward the living room, beckoning with a curled finger. “No holding back this time. That’s a promise.”

Lena stumbled after Kara’s summoning, feeling almost like she was floating the whole way back to the couch, even despite the merciless teases they got when Kara kissed her after winning a game of Pictionary.

Although, she had to admit that the floating feeling was nothing compared to the infinitely more satisfying grounded, safe feeling she got once she was settled back into the couch and curled up to Kara’s side, arm slung around her waist and head resting above her steady heartbeat until their hearts synced up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made it through another update! 
> 
> I'd love it if you left me some feedback! 
> 
> And thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoy it!


	9. Great Unexpectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. So I didn't make it in 2 weeks as planned, life got in the way but I am still writing and my goal will be to continue to shoot for updates every other week. I got some supercorp and agentreign in chapter 9 for you. I also used this chapter a bit to reflect on my nonbinary feels. Just as a disclaimer, the things Alex talks about in this chapter are a reflection of a lot of my own thoughts and feelings as a trans nonbinary person and that doesn't reflect all trans/nonbinary experience. Alex's experience is just pretty personal to me. Anyway, hope you like this new chapter! I'll see you in hopefully 2 weeks for the next one

As excited as Lena was for her future date with Kara, she was having difficulty sitting around and waiting for Kara to actually plan the date and take her out already. Of course, she knew that the date would be amazing because of Kara’s romantic tendencies and giant heart, but all of that only served to heighten her anticipation, bringing out a very uncharacteristically impatient side of Lena.

In all fairness, their current lack of dates wasn’t just because Kara hadn’t gotten around to it yet. They were both in the very last week of finals, the semester was coming to an end and their schedules were hectic.

Before things had gotten too crazy, they found time to study together, holed up in the library or one of their rooms, although Lena had to admit she didn’t find those times to be very productive. Kara had proven herself to be a good study partner, staying quiet and focused for a good while, only becoming an active distraction after a few hours once her concentration ran out. Lena just couldn’t get help getting distracted by her anyway, finding it far more interesting to observe how attractive Kara looked while she furrowed her brow and bit the end of her pen. Lena would have taken staring at Kara over converting equations any day of the week.

Unfortunately, now that things were as busy as they were, studying with Kara wasn’t able to happen and Lena still found herself distracted by Kara. She had hoped that her productivity would return once Kara wasn’t there but instead her mind began to wander to thinking about what Kara might be up to or just wishing that Kara was there with her. And like the beautiful, wonderful person that she was, Kara did come give her some relief. Every once in a while she'd manage to find time between studying, exams and work to stop by the library to see Lena. She never lingered long, just came, stole a quick kiss, shared some words of encouragement and then made her way out again. The visits were achingly sweet, and Lena could almost swear her heart grew ten times bigger and fuller every time Kara stopped by, but at the end of the day the briefness of their encounters left her yearning for more.

While they didn’t have the time to hang out much or the energy to dress up nice and go out on a date, they did finally catch a break once finals week wound down and came to a close.

After her last final, Lena trekked through a light layer of snow straight to Kara’s apartment. Barely a second after stepping through the threshold, Kara was unraveling Lena from her many scarves and coats, shoving a mug of cocoa into her hands and ushering her up the stairs to be buried under blankets in Kara’s room. They curled their exhausted bodies together in Kara’s room to spend the evening in pajamas and sharing kisses while Kara played some soft music on her acoustic bass.

Now, with her mug long empty and her limbs finally toasty, Lena let herself relax into the bed, resting her head down on Kara’s thigh and drifting off while Kara’s bass sent pleasant vibrations through her body. She listened as the tune morphed from parts of Kara’s songs, to covers of pop songs and eventually shifted into territory unknown. Lena had heard Kara play so many times that she had become familiar with most of the songs Kara had under her belt. Every once in a while though, she would be lucky enough to be witness to the beginnings of a new work. Kara’s face would scrunch in concentration as she played around with different chord combinations, trying to piece together something she could work with.

Lena cracked her tired eyes open to watch Kara, who was working with her lip pulled between her teeth and her eyebrows drawn together in thought. Her focus didn’t last very long once she felt Lena’s gaze on her though. Kara’s fingers halted and her eyes flicked down to meet Lena’s as if she had sensed she was being watched.

“What’re you lookin at?” Kara mumbled, her lips curling up in a sweet smile as she spoke. With her head tilted down, her glasses slid down her nose and Lena reached up with one finger to push them back into place.

“I’m just admiring. You somehow managed to look gorgeous even from this generally unflattering angle.” Lena grinned as a pretty blush crawled up Kara’s neck, her eyes now suddenly unable to meet Lena’s.

That was the typical response Kara gave to compliments from Lena. She either answered with her own compliment, a mumbled and quiet, not-so-convincing thank you or she would blush and turn away, uncertain how to properly receive the flattery. Sometimes Lena would press on, hoping her insistent efforts would get Kara to truly understand that the compliments weren’t just meaningless flattery, that they were honest truth about how amazing she really was. But on days when Kara was seemingly too tired or too reserved, Lena would let it go and change the subject to give Kara a break. At the moment, Kara seemed to be needing some time so Lena relented and changed the subject to something she knew Kara would be excited about.

 “I liked what you were just playing, is that a new song in the works?”

As predicted, Kara’s face immediately lit up like it always did when she got to talk about her music and her previous embarrassment was quickly forgotten.

“You’ve got a good ear. I’m impressed that you’ve already practically memorized my song repertoire. That is indeed a new song I’ve been putting together. I’ve got some lyrics for it but now I’m figuring out some basic chord sequences so I can start building a melody. I think I kind of know how I want it to go.”  


Kara set aside her bass and Lena took up the opportunity to push herself up and take it’s place in Kara’s lap, slinging her arms loosely around Kara’s shoulder and grinning when she felt the immediate response of Kara’s own arms pulling around her waist.

“Am I allowed to hear the lyrics you’ve got so far? Maybe I can be your first test subject for this song.” Lena put on her best pleading face in hopes that Kara was in a sharing mood tonight.

 “Actually,” Kara’s cheeks began to pinken. “You’ve sort of already heard some of the lyrics to this one.”

“I have?” Lena’s brow scrunched in confusion until it finally clicked and she let out an excited gasp.

 “It’s the song you recorded for me when I left for boarding school, isn’t it?” Lena grinned triumphantly when Kara’s blush deepened and she nodded in confirmation. “Since when have you been working on that song again, I thought you were at a roadblock with motivation?”

Kara cringed through a smile, clearly a bit hesitant to answer. “Okay so don’t judge because I am aware this is really cheesy, but right after our first kiss once you’d fallen asleep I was kept awake by how amazing I felt and it all got channeled into my writing and all of a sudden lyrics were flowing. And I know it’s really cliché and gross but that’s just how it happened.” 

Lena’s smile grew into a teasing smirk but the softness around her eyes gave away how her insides were practically melting at Kara’s confession.

“Oh, darling. I would never judge you for that, in fact, I think that’s the cutest thing I’ve heard all day.” Lena reached her hand up to caress Kara’s cheek and draw Kara’s blushing face in for a kiss. “Can I hear the rest of the lyrics?”

Kara leaned back in for a quick kiss and shook her head vigorously. “Nope! I can’t let you see the rest of the lyrics just yet because I want them to be a surprise!”

Lena raised an eyebrow. “Even though I’m the inspiration for it _and_ I’ve already heard some of it?”

But despite Lena’s pout and pleading eyes, Kara just smiled and shook her head again. “I’m trying to make a romantic gesture here, just let me surprise you! It’ll be worth it in the end, that’s a Kara Danvers certified promise.”

Lena pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and eyed Kara with facetious questioning for a moment, then conceded. “Alright, I will patiently await your big romantic plans then. Only because you’re my favorite and I’m willing to wait for you.”

“It’s a good thing you’re willing to wait because you’re going to have to wait a while to see me again once we go on our winter break in a few days.” Kara’s grin shifted to more subdued as she rested her forehead against Lena’s. The weight of their time apart was something that had been on both of their minds as the time approached but now with three days left until the campus went on break for a whole month, the reality of it was more nerve wracking.

 Lena’s shoulders sagged at the reminder and her grip on Kara tightened, as if holding her closer now would make it easier to not be able to hold her for a few weeks straight. Since they reentered each other’s lives again, Lena had been given the pleasure of seeing Kara every week usually several times a week especially now that they were dating. Kara had been her best friend before high school and now she was her best friend again and so much more. But there was still this nagging feeling in the back of her head, an insecurity that she might somehow not see Kara again. It’s only supposed to be a few weeks but it was only supposed to be a few months last time and it ended up being years. She just couldn’t help feeling like this distance was ominous.

 “I know, it’s going to be such a long few weeks. But you can call me at least! Lex got me a cell phone that you can call me on from home and we don’t have to worry about Lillian trying to monitor calls since she doesn’t know I have it.” Lena patted her pocket where the brand new flip phone sat, programmed only with Lex’s number in it. That phone was Lena’s safety net right now, knowing she would always have a way to contact Kara if needed without her mother getting in the way. 

Kara’s nose scrunched up in confusion as she looked down to where Lena’s hand was gesturing. “I’m still impressed with how small those things have gotten, they’re actually reasonably portable now.” Kara reached around Lena and stretched out to snatch a pen and paper off her desk. “Just write me down your number and I can call you from our landline at home! Thankfully, you’ll only be in Metropolis so I won’t have to deal with international costs to hear your voice. I just won’t be able to stay on the call for too long though because I think my family will start to get a little annoyed if I hog the phone for more than an hour at a time.”

Lena puffed out a laugh and cupped Kara’s cheek, leaning over to press a kiss to the other. “I’m sure they won’t mind too much, darling. They’ll just be happy to see you and hear your voice. Well, Alex sees you all the time but Eliza and Jeremiah will be delighted to see their daughter even if they have to hear our loud phone conversations.”

Kara’s own laughter faded when Lena mentioned her parents. It dawned on her suddenly that Jeremiah had died in their time apart and Lena had no idea that the Danvers family patriarch had passed away. In hindsight, that detail seemed like something important that she should have told Lena about, but the topic just hadn’t come up. Kara had been avoiding the subject at first and then their relationship progressed and she’d forgotten to disclose that fact. After all, family wasn’t always a great topic to talk about with Lena so it didn’t come up often.

“So… I’m sorry I forgot to mention this earlier but Jeremiah actually passed away a few years ago.” Kara felt Lena’s body tense under her hands immediately, her face going from easy to lined with concern within seconds. “He got killed in an accident at work just after the last time that I heard from you in that phone call. It’s the reason why shit got so hard in the last few years because were struggling with his loss and money was really tight.”

Kara could feel the hollow feeling creeping into her chest as the memories of those first terrible months after his death came flooding back to her. It had been a while since she talked about Jeremiah’s death to anyone. Not even Alex and Eliza brought it up much, preferring to move forward and avoid the heartache that came with talking about those feelings.                                                                                                                            

After he was gone, Kara had thrown herself into her studies and gotten a job and her time to even think about processing what had happened was limited to say the least. She could feel her throat closing and the heat of tears behind her eyes now that the emotions were being released. It was a great comfort to feel Lena’s hand coming to Kara’s back, rubbing circles between her shoulder blades to help keep her grounded in the present.

“I’m so sorry, darling. I know your family was really close, I can only imagine how hard that must have been.” Lena did her best to try to soothe Kara, noticing immediately the distant, almost glazed look that came over Kara’s eyes. She struggled to find the right words to comfort her girlfriend, not wanting to just sound cliché or disingenuous but nothing was coming to mind that sounded like it correctly spoke to the pain Kara had experienced.

Internally, Lena cursed herself for not being more articulate, feeling quite useless in aiding Kara’s sadness. Loss had been something Lena was familiar with but she wasn’t entirely confident in her abilities to process it. She’d even lost her own father at the same time that Kara had lost hers but there wasn’t a strong connection between Lena and Lionel. He had been a distant parent when he was alive, a father who provided for his children in the most materialistic sense of the term. Once he died, Lillian had nearly erased every memory of him from the Luthor estate, meanwhile Lex was off working in Metropolis, too busy to even stop to grieve.

 When Lionel died, there had been some sadness and mourning for Lena but there was no big, irreparable hole left behind, so she felt unable to relate to the potent ache that Jeremiah’s death left in Kara’s life. Still, she was desperate to try to be the comfort Kara needed at least in physical presence and an ear to listen.

“It’s not as bad as when he first died. I mean, it’s still kind of a sore subject at home, the holidays aren’t always as cheerful as they used to be but we try to keep good spirits for the most part. It’s just hard when no one talks about him anymore. And when we start to joke or reminisce about the past it just brings this weird darkness over the room like we can’t even enjoy the memory of him. I guess it just feels a little more lonely than it used to be.”

“If you want to try to talk about it and process those feelings I am always here to listen. I know it isn’t the same as having your family to talk to or even having Jeremiah there but I can at least be someone to share the weight of your feelings to allow you to get them out into the world so they’re no longer just weighing down on your shoulders.” Lena ran her hands up Kara’s arms and dug her thumbs down into the tense muscles of Kara’s shoulders, massaging out the stress they held and earning a sad smile from Kara.

“That would mean a lot to me, actually. Even if you aren’t family you were still over my house so much when we were kids, you know Jeremiah well enough that it would be better talking to you than a stranger who didn’t know him at all and can’t relate to who he was.” Kara’s lips formed into a softer, more affectionate smile as she lifted a hand to cup Lena’s face and run her thumb almost reverently over the ridge of her cheekbone. “Just another reason I’m so grateful to have you in my life again.”

The sentiment caused a deep swooping feeling in Lena’s stomach and her cheeks lit up bright red from the compliment, though she felt inclined to deny it, not feeling worthy of Kara’s gratefulness. It was true that she was back in Kara’s life and able to help her in this present moment but it was dawning on her now that she had been missing from Kara’s life when this all happened. Right after their communication stopped completely, Kara’s world had been shaken and Lena, her best friend, hadn’t been there for her.

Frankly, Lena felt a bit like a useless friend and girlfriend at the moment, knowing she had been absent and blissfully oblivious when Kara was experiencing such suffering. But she tried not to get caught up in her own guilt, recognizing that while it sucked that she hadn’t been there, this was about Kara and her father, not Lena’s self-deprecation. So she ducked her head and chose to respond to Kara’s words with a few chaste kisses to her girlfriend’s neck, nuzzling up to where Kara’s jaw met her ear.

“I’m grateful to be in your life too.” Lena’s lips brushed along the shell of Kara’s ear as she mumbled. “And I’m grateful for anytime I can be of help, please don’t ever hesitate to ask if you want to talk about it. Over the break, you can always call me if the holidays are getting you down. If anything it’ll be a relief for me as I’m sure you know by now, the holidays at the Luthor home aren’t exactly a joyous time either.”

 “I think I’ll definitely take you up on that, Lee. And I’m glad you brought that up actually because I’ve been meaning to ask, are you going to be alright going home for this long? I know what your mom is like and honestly, she scares me a little.”

Lena chuckled, though it lacked in humor due to the truth of Kara’s words. Lillian could be scary when she wanted to be and Lena wasn’t completely sure she’d make it through break unscathed by her mother’s viciousness. But, she knew they were going to be in Metropolis which meant Lex would be there and Lena hadn’t seen him since he dropped her off at school months ago. He wasn’t always reliable but when they’d last talked on the phone a few weeks ago he sounded so genuinely excited to see her and Lena couldn’t find it in herself to not show up for that.

“I think I’ll be okay.” Lena cringed a bit at how unconvincing her own words sounded and she could tell from the skeptical raised eyebrow on Kara’s face that Kara wasn’t buying it either. Kara hadn’t been to the Luthor home many times over the course of their friendship but she’d seen enough interactions and heard Lena talk about her mother enough to gather a pretty clear picture of what went on behind closed doors. There was a distinct fear in Lena’s eyes when she talked about it sometimes and Lena knew that even if Kara didn’t bring it up often, she had seen some of the bruises Lena had gained as a result of her mother’s anger. With all of that evidence, Lena wasn’t sure why she even tried to fake nonchalance to Kara but she tried anyway, if only to ease the crinkle between Kara’s eyebrows.

 “Trust me, I know that doesn’t sound convincing at all but I really should be okay. Lex promised to be home and I’m really excited to finally see him again. Plus, if it makes you feel any better, there’s a train that runs from Metropolis straight to National City so if anything goes wrong I can come right back here to my dorm.”

 

Kara’s lips pursed, her eyes squinting as she considered Lena’s offering. A part of Kara’s mind was reminded of how many times Lex had let Lena down, made promises he never kept and never showed up when he said he would, but she didn’t want to bring that up when she saw how Lena’s eyes had brightened at the mention of seeing her brother. And Kara knew if Lex did actually pull through and show up then Lena would be okay and probably even better than okay, so she pushed down her skepticism and nodded.

“Alright. But, the same goes for you, if you are feeling like you need to talk over break you can totally call me. I just want you to promise me one thing. If you end up coming back early on the train because something goes wrong, please call me and let me know when you’re back here safe?” Kara’s hold on Lena tightened, her heart breaking at the thought of Lena spending winter break all by herself in her dorm. But it was a better compromise than having her stay with Lillian if there was the potential for danger.

“Of course, Kara. You’ll be the first to know when I’m home. And if I’m agreeing to that then you have to promise me that you’ll try to enjoy yourself over break and not worry about me too much because you have that crinkly look on your face right now and you have a tendency to get caught up in worrying about other people so much that you forget to give yourself time to relax.”

Kara’s nose scrunched, and her lips twisted as she held back a protest. She knew deep down that Lena was right, she was a bit too selfless sometimes and it ended up hurting her more often than she’d like. “It’s hard not to worry, I just want you to be okay.” Kara nudged Lena’s cheek with her nose until Lena moved and allowed their foreheads to come to rest together. “But since you’re doing something for me, I will do that for you. I promise to at least try, although I’ll never truly stop worrying, it’s a symptom of caring about you, Lena.” 

Her words make Lena’s instincts want to pull away so she can hide her eyes from Kara’s intense, affectionate gaze while also making her wish she could melt her body into Kara’s and never have to separate from Kara’s warmth ever again.

She decides on neither option, one feels cowardly and the other isn’t physically possible as of yet so she kisses Kara instead. Her mouth is warm and wet as Kara’s lips open just a bit and Lena can almost feel like she’s melting into Kara through the heat of her tongue and the solid pressure of hands rounding her hips.

 The touch of Kara’s hands is less hesitant in that kiss and Lena’s heartbeat thrums quicker at that thought. She has half an intention to pull back and finish their talk, but then Kara’s arms are around her lower back, pulling her up, laying her back on the bed and Kara’s weight is settling into her from above. For a second, Kara leaned back to check on Lena, her eyebrows crinkled in concern and her eyes were colored with craving and affection.

“Is this alright?” She rasps out in a whisper, never so bold to push boundaries without asking Lena first. Lena took a moment to think about all the time she’ll soon be spending away from Kara and can’t imagine any way she’d rather be spending her time than doing what she’s doing right at that moment. She breathes out a _‘yes’_ against her lips and quickly any thought of conversation is far from her mind as Kara’s soft kisses leave her mouth tingling.

\----------

  

At the age of twenty-two, Alex Danvers had not envisioned themselves going to ultrasound appointments, seeing grainy black and white images of fetuses or generally being involved with babies in any way. Their life was dominated by the mountains of essays and internships that they had to complete for their Master’s degree and babies weren’t ever part of the plan, at least while they were still struggling through school. Those kinds of things were supposed to be years ahead, maybe at the age of thirty when they had a solid job and less student loan debt. But at the moment, all of those expectations were thrown out the window as they found themselves standing in a doctor’s office, white walls around them covered in images of cartoon animals, storks and colorful kiddie stickers.

 

They were brought back from observing the room by a hand on their wrist, squeezing to get their attention. Their eyes flicked away from the monkey stickers on the ceiling and down to the nervous brown eyes of Samantha Arias, laying back on the exam chair with her shirt drawn up to reveal the noticeable bump of her belly while the doctor spread lubricant over it in preparation for an ultrasound check-in.

They tried for a reassuring smile as they stood next to the chair and for extra comfort, Alex slides their hand down into Sam’s to squeeze back. It was hard to reassure an expectant mother while having no idea about baby stuff or if everything would all turn out alright, but Alex decided that a positive outlook and assured appearance would be helpful to make Sam feel more calm as well.

Usually Lena was the one who accompanied Sam to these kinds of doctor appointments but Lena had an exam this time. Still, she had insisted that Sam shouldn’t go alone just in case and all of a sudden Kara was volunteering Alex up as a tribute to take Sam over because Alex didn’t have anything in particular to do and they had a car so Sam wouldn’t have to take the subway over. It was a logical point and Alex didn’t exactly want to protest, they were happy to be of assistance in any way they could. 

It just felt a bit strange to be in this position, standing next to Sam as if they were dating and expecting this baby together when, in fact, neither of those things were true. Although it made it a bit stranger that even though they weren’t dating, they _were_ doing something. It was shy and the line they toed was carefully left uncrossed but Alex knew _something_ was happening between them which only added extra tension to their present situation.

Their interactions were constantly laced with unspoken hopes and wants. The looks that the two shared held some extra intention and emotion than Alex wasn’t used to seeing when people looked at them. Like right now, the grateful look Sam was giving them had this layer of adoration behind it that made Alex think that the line they carefully avoided up until now might be crossed any day now.

 This was hardly the time or place to bring that up though, and that reality was brought down on them as the doctor’s voice cut through and broke their gaze. 

“So you’re four months along now and the fetus looks more like a baby than last time you probably saw it. It’s about 5 inches or 12 centimeters long. Fingers and toes are pretty defined, hair and nails are developing and the teeth and bones are becoming more strong and dense. Overall, it looks like all of the things that should be developing are coming along well and I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Alex could feel Sam’s grip loosen as she let out a breath of relief. Everything was still smooth sailing in terms of baby development, more milestones met, and more things to check off her checklist. Alex gave her a grin and reached their free hand to clasp around their two hands already intertwined.

 The motion drew the doctor’s gaze away from the ultrasound screen and she gave them a tight, practiced smile. “You two should be very proud, your baby is doing fine.” She turned to Sam, her tone sounding blank. “Now, the only thing left is that you and your wife can choose to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl now if you want, I can give you some time to discuss it with her.” She gestured to Alex when she said the word wife, causing Alex to cringe.

 They opened their mouth to say something but hesitated, not certain if they should just let it slide or if they should say something to the woman. They weren’t Sam’s wife, and they weren’t even in a relationship with Sam. Plus, they weren’t sure if they should correct either of the mistakes, especially being uncertain if this was a safe place to be using their preferred pronouns.

 

After five seconds of silence, Sam sat forward, bringing her free hand over to cover Alex’s as well, and took initiative. “They’re not my wife actually, they’re my partner and they prefer they/them pronouns.”

 “Is that even a real pronoun?” The doctor’s face screwed up in confusion and she gave Alex a rude side-eyed look.

 “Yes, it is and if you’re not going to respect it then I think it’s time for us to go.” Sam stood and indignantly pulled her shirt down over her still wet baby bump. “And no, I do not want to know the _“gender”_ of my baby because their genitals don’t define their freaking gender.”

Alex watched with wide eyes as Sam stared down the doctor for a solid few seconds before pulling a stunned Alex out the door behind her, not stopping her furious pace until they reached the car.

Alex stepped around to open Sam’s door for her, in a bit of trance, then slid silently into the seat next to her, pulling their seatbelt on and getting their hands on the wheel but not starting the engine.

 

The two sat in tense silence for a whole minute before Sam, seemingly cooled off from their encounter inside, broke the tension with a quiet apology.

“I’m so sorry about that. About all of it. About that disrespectful lady and the misgendering that you put up with and people’s ignorance.” She turned to Alex who still sat, hands on the wheel staring straight ahead in quiet shock. “And I’m also sorry that I spoke for you in there. I got a bit carried away, I think, when she gave you that look and I didn’t want you to have to be uncomfortable but I also realize that I may have overstepped and taken away your chance to have your say.”

 Alex gave a quick glance over to Sam’s face, now drained of anger and full of worry.  They turned back to face the windshield, took a breath and looked back to Sam again. “I… okay, I’m not mad so please don’t think I’m mad at you. I’m just- sorry. I’m still kind of reeling from the misgendering and I’m not really articulating my thoughts well. Sometimes when it happens I just go into this kind of blank, dissociative state and that’s’ kind of where I just went.” Alex’s hands left the steering wheel to run over the buzzed sides of their hair, massaging at their temples in attempt to ground themselves before continuing to try to speak. Thankfully, Sam nodded patiently and waited, the look in her eyes letting Alex know that she wanted to hear what they had to say.

“I’m just always frustrated when I get misgendered and sometimes it feels like I get frustrated so much that I’m too tired to even be frustrated anymore and I just kind of freeze up like I did in there. I’ve gotten comfortable in my identity and getting people to use my correct pronouns but sometimes I get weighed down by all of the shit that happens during my day, all of the times I get seen as everything but who I am, that I wonder if it’s worth correcting people. And logically, I know it’s right to correct them so I can be comfortable but it just gets tiring when eighty percent of the time I’m not being seen and respected for who I am. It feels like I’m not doing enough to get people to actually see me as a nonbinary person instead of a woman”

Alex turned as much as they could in the car seat to face Sam, not wanting to hide from this conversation and the feelings that they rarely got to talk about with anyone. Being able to talk about their gender and experiences wasn’t something that often came up, nor was it a thing Alex was very comfortable talking about with a lot of her friends but Sam had become a close friend in a short period of time and Alex knew Sam was willing to listen. 

“I am glad that you said something. It’s honestly really nice to be reminded that I’m not in this alone and that I have people to support me and protect me. And I’m glad that you recognize that you may have taken away my chance to speak for myself. I don’t want to be spoken for all the time of course but a little help along the way is welcome. I appreciate your protectiveness; it makes me feel safer knowing that if I’m with you that you’ll have my back because honestly sometimes I get nervous to correct people because it doesn’t always feel like a safe environment to be me.”

 

Sam placed her hand on the console between them, reaching to Alex but not touching them yet. They had looked a bit overwhelmed when they first sat down and now they were exposing themselves to Sam in a way she knew they didn’t do very often so she didn’t want to overstep or overwhelm them.

 “Is it alright if I touch you right now?”

And when Alex nodded their consent, Sam’s hand found Alex’s in their lap, taking hold and calming the fingers that had been twisting around themselves anxiously for the last few minutes. 

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I want to be helpful and I want to protect you because I care about you so much but I know I’m not perfect. And I value your thoughts and opinions so much so please always tell me if I can be doing anything better to be your friend. It frustrates me that the world can’t be a safe place for you but I promise I will do anything to help in any way you need from me.”

“Honestly, I trust you, Sam. You already make me feel safe and more than I could ever need. You’re the kind of person who just has a big heart and a lot of understanding and that makes you easy to exist around.”  Alex’s fingers intertwined with Sam’s, now relaxed and running softly along her knuckles. “I think your kid is going to be really lucky to have you as a mom because you make a really great friend.”

 They shared a smile for a moment, all of the previous tension seeping out of the atmosphere finally and out the car windows, leaving Alex with just one last question. 

“So, back there, you corrected her on my pronouns but not on the fact that we aren’t together… I mean, not that it has to mean anything I was just wondering… well, I guess I don’t know what I was wondering, that just kind of stuck out to me.”

Alex could feel Sam’s fingers tighten in their hands while her cheeks became a dark red. “Yeah, you’re right… I just thought it was more important that she had the right pronouns, in comparison it didn’t matter that she thought we were dating, that’s a non-issue compared to your identity being respected.” Sam chose to look out the window rather than meet Alex’s eyes where she knew the beginning of a smile was forming though that knowledge made her feel bold enough to continue.

“Plus, I don’t really mind being mistaken for your significant other. It’s not like that would be a bad thing. And I think we kind of already are aware that we feel something for each other so maybe it isn’t that much of a stretch? Although, I am kind of pregnant and we both have so much going on which does complicate things and I get that maybe those things are preventing us from actually doing something about our feelings but I hope you know that I do still feel things for you.”

The more Sam talked, the wider Alex’s smile got. The memories of what happened in the doctor’s office were wearing away with each nervous blushing look Sam gave them from across the car.

 

Alex knew Sam was right, that there were so many things that made their relationship complicated, so many things to think about and talk about when entering a relationship where a baby was on the way in a few short months. And Alex was also not usually one for impulsive decisions, preferring to take the time to contemplate those issues before taking any first steps. But there was something about Samantha Arias, blushing in the passenger seat of their car while talking about her feelings right after defending their pronouns from some rude jerk, that made Alex’s brakes shut off temporarily.

“I do know that, and I still feel things for you too. Which is why, even though we are in this shitty parking lot of a doctor who kind of sucks, I think I want to kiss you right now.” Alex brought one of Sam’s hands up to their lips, pressing the lightest of kisses to the back of her knuckles while raising their eyebrow in question. And maybe some more conversation before jumping in would have been good, but Sam couldn’t find it in herself to deny Alex or deny the fact that she wanted this so much.

 If the last few months had taught Sam anything it was that changes could be scary and taking leaps wasn’t always easy especially when you don’t know what might happen, but so far she also knew there was a lot of reward to come with risk, so why hold back now?

“Honestly, this parking lot definitely isn’t my dream romantic location but it’s got me feeling like I want to kiss you too so there must be something good about this place or something in the air perhaps.”

 Alex grinned and used their intertwined hands to tug Sam forward, leaning over the center console of the car and meeting their foreheads together. “Perhaps.” They whispered against Sam’s mouth, pressing in to close the distance and immediately savoring the way they could feel Sam’s smile under their lips. It was a moment where Alex was sure that their mind should be reviewing all of the possible consequences of this action and how this might affect the future and the baby but Sam’s gentle hands were cradling their jaw and running over the stubbly short hair on the back of their neck in such a way that had Alex’s mind blissfully unaware of anything other than that feeling.

 

This day for Alex Danvers may have started in unfamiliar territory, doing things that weren’t what they expected from life this far. But now, as they drove home with the radio turned up and Sam humming along while staring out the window at the cityscape bathed in sunset, Alex was starting to believe that maybe expectations weren’t all they were cracked up to be. And maybe, the surprises were better than anything they could have planned.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> I hope you guys are still liking where this is going
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, concerns or questions!  
> Also if you wanna give me a shout and talk about trans stuff I'm so here for it  
> you can find me on tumblr @flirshygays


	10. New Year, New Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm attempting to update this story with shorter chapters than I usually do. I wrote some monster long chapters and it was too much to undertake. Life was really out to get me these last few months and I'm incredibly sorry that I haven't updated. I really love these characters and this story and I do have a lot planned for it, I just got overwhelmed and I literally had no time to work on it. I'm not giving up though! Updates will happen. I will do my best to be regular, just know I have school and work that take priority many days but I still want to finish this story and I hope you guys are along for the ride!

Realistically, Lena really should have seen it coming. The thought had, of course, crossed her mind but she had been holding out hope that maybe this time her brother would actually follow through on a promise. He had sounded so genuinely excited on the phone when he called to let her know that he’d be home to spend Christmas with her and Lillian, but somehow a meeting just so conveniently happened to come up in New York that same week. And once again, instead of choosing to pass up an investment meeting to see the sister he hadn’t seen in months, Lex decided that the money he could wring out of some sorry sucker’s pockets was more worth his time.

 Lena had even waited around the gloomy Luthor home for a few extra days because Lex had said it would only be a three-day trip and that he’d be back in time for Christmas morning. She endured days of unprotected interactions with her mother all ending in barbed criticisms, but at the end of three days he called with an excuse of an unavoidable extension to his trip and Lena just couldn’t handle waiting another few days alone with the beast. Lena grabbed the bag she’d brought home with her from school, the one that had remained still packed and unopened the whole time she’d been home, and she hopped on the first train back to National City.

Despite the fact that Lena was well aware of her mother’s distaste for her, there was still that sting of heartache that followed her out the door and onto the train as she faced the reality that she would be spending her holiday break alone. Lillian barely even blinked at her departure and Lena knew she was probably celebrating Lena's disappearance. The holidays just no longer held any family love anymore. Lionel was long gone, and now Lex couldn’t bother to stop chasing money to spend even one day with his younger sister. He knew what it meant for her to come to Metropolis and place herself in the line of fire alone with Lillian, he knew it was a risky move for Lena but she had taken the risk and the hurt to see him, enduring it all with no reward. All he’d left for her was an apologetic voicemail and a neatly wrapped gift on her bed when she arrived at the Luthor home.

The whole ride from Metropolis to National City, Lena stared down at that wrapped box between her feet, watching it jump and slide around with the bumpy ride as she debated whether or not to throw the damn thing out the window. In the end, it did end up making it back to her dorm with her but only because Lena decided that it was too unsafe to be to toss it out of very fast moving train.

Lena unpacked her suitcase, flopped tiredly onto her bed and turned her head to stare once again at the box, hoping the floor would open up and swallow it whole so she wouldn’t have to do anything about it herself.

 As much as Lena wanted to just suck it up and be grateful that she got anything from her brother at all, she just couldn’t accept her brother’s love in the form of money or presents when all she wanted was his time and company. And somehow she just wasn’t worth enough to earn that from him.

She especially didn’t want to accept this gift from him now that he had sufficiently pissed her off and at this point, Lena didn’t even want to know what was inside. She could only guess that Lex chose something with a high price tag, oblivious of what Lena’s actual interests were.

 Torn between her guilt, stubbornness, anger and the voice of her step mother in her head telling her to shut up and just be grateful, Lena ended up staring at the box again, then staring some more until her eyes were growing weary and her lids began fluttering tiredly.

That week had been one full of restless nights and tedious days at home, away from Kara, and Lena was never more excited to sleep in her uncomfortable dorm bed than she was that night. She got up to change into sweatpants and a sports bra and kicked the wrapped gift box into the deep abyss under her bed.  She settled back under the covers and reached over to her desk to grab her phone. She had promised to call Kara if she left early and she was now glad Kara had made her promise that, Lena would have taken any excuse to her Kara’s voice before she fell asleep. Especially knowing she wouldn’t be seeing her for another three weeks and she needed some form of contact even if it wasn't quite as satisfying as being able to see her and feel her close. 

With a heavy sigh, Lena flipped the phone open and dialed the Danvers home number. She was sure they probably wouldn’t appreciate a phone call this late at night but Lena allowed herself to not feel guilty just this once, reasoning with herself that she _had_ promised to call and Kara would be thankful she did. 

 The line, thankfully, only rang twice before there was a click and a very sleepy sounding “hello?” that brought Lena nearly instant relief.

“Hey, Kara. It’s Lena.” She spoke softly so as not to alarm her obviously tired girlfriend. “I was just calling to let you know I got back to my dorm safe, no need to worry.”

 Kara’s breathy chuckle came through the other end of the line. “I love that you immediately made sure to remind me not to worry.”

“Well, if I hadn’t you would have worried, right? I just had to cover all the bases.” Lena pressed the phone closer to her ear as if that would bring Kara closer to her.

 “Actually, I’ll probably still worry just a bit because you know I can’t help it, but I appreciate the reassurance anyway.” 

Lena shook her head and laughed. “That’s true, you’ve got a point there." On the other end, she could hear Kara’s laugh get stifled by a long yawn, reminding her that she should let Kara get back to sleep as it was well into the night when she’d called. Before she was able to end the call, her goodbye was interrupted by a loud crinkling and crunching coming from Kara’s end of the call.

 “Kara, what is that… are you – are you eating?”

Kara’s response came in the form of a muffled affirmative, mumbled through a mouthful of crackers.

 “Babe, it’s past midnight.”

 Kara scoffed and clicked her tongue. “There’s no time limit on food, Lena. Plus, I had to go to the kitchen to grab the phone so I might as well pick up a snack while I’m here right? Totally logical.”

Kara’s tone revealed the smile she wore and Lena couldn’t help her own lips from turning up too. “You know what? You’re completely right, carry on. But it is still past midnight and I know I woke you up when I called so I’ll let you get back to sleep now.”

 “Alright, but just know that I don’t mind you calling at any time if you need to. Anything at all, please don’t hesitate and I promise I’ll see you soon!”

Once the click sounded the end of the call, Lena’s heart felt heavy again. She stared at the screen of her phone for a few moments longer, wishing it would light up and ring with Kara’s number again so she wouldn’t have to face the night alone. Her eyelids were drooping and her grip on wakefulness began to slip so she snapped her phone shut and tossed it onto the desk, deciding not to torture herself any longer waiting for something she knew wasn’t going to come.

 

Despite the rocky start to the winter break, the second week was quite peaceful. Lena found herself with plenty of time alone to read a whole shelf of books and even do some writing of her own, not to mention copious games of one-man-chess. Though loneliness came knocking on her door every day, reminding her why she was spending her break playing chess alone, the sting lessened with each day that passed. The quiet became bearable and the peacefulness of an empty campus was actually quite pleasant. Nearly everyone was away for the holiday, even Sam had taken a trip out to see an old friend which left Lena with a blissfully empty dorm room all to herself and endless possibilities.

 She spent almost an entire Sunday giving their room a much needed clean, after finals week their dorm had looked like quite a wreck. By the time Lena ran out of things to clean, the sun had set and she hadn’t managed to even change out of her pajamas which is why she was a bit annoyed when someone knocked on her door around ten o’clock that night. A quick glance at her reflection revealed what she could have easily guessed about her appearance after a day of vigorously scrubbing every nook and cranny of her room. Her shirt was half tucked into her fuzzy pajama bottoms, her hair was in the messiest bun she’d ever seen, no bra and dark circles lay under her eyes where her mascara from the night before had smudged.

It was hardly the kind of condition she would like to be seeing anybody in but she slid her slippers onto her bare feet anyway and unlocked the door, opening it just a crack. As she peeked through, her eyes were immediately assaulted with the obnoxiously bright red and green colors of an ugly Christmas sweater featuring a googly eyed reindeer and illuminated Christmas lights sewn into it. She followed the trail of lights up the sweater to curled blonde hair and finally up to Kara’s radiant smile.

“Merry Christmas, Lena!” Kara waved her mitten covered hand excitedly at Lena through the crack of the door while her shocked girlfriend processed the image of Kara wrapped in a sweater and scarf, suitcase at her feet, standing outside her door two weeks before she was supposed to be back.

“I know technically Christmas already passed but I think it’s still close enough afterwards that I can wish people a merry Christmas.” Kara whipped out a little bow from her coat pocket and slapped it on her own chest with a grin. “Also it is late, but I wanted to get you something and if you haven’t already guessed, your present is me coming to see you! I mean, if that’s something you are okay with. If you just want alone time I can let you have that. I just couldn’t let you spend three whole weeks here all alone.”

Lena slid the door open wider and immediately pulled Kara in by the shirt sleeve, tugging her right into a tight hug. “Of course I’d rather spend time with you than be alone! Get you butt in here, you dork.”

The itchy fuzz of Kara’s sweater tickled Lena’s chin as she buried her nose into Kara’s neck and let out a heavy breath, sinking into strong arms.

With tears building in the corners of her eyes, Lena huffed and pushed Kara back, holding her at arm’s length so she could properly glare at her. “What the heck are you doing back? Break doesn’t end for another two weeks, you should be home with your family, Kara, not here!”

In spite of the more intimidating look Lena was going for, Kara didn’t seem affected in the least if her goofy grin was any indication. She pulled Lena back in so she could wrap her arms around her waist and nudge their noses together playfully. Lena could almost swear she heard a dreamy sigh come from her girlfriend in that moment even as she grumpily stared her down.

“I spent two whole weeks at home with my family already and they can keep each other company for now, you on the other hand were about to spend almost your whole break by yourself! I’m only a few hours away, I couldn’t help myself from coming to see you when I knew you’d be alone.” Kara leaned in and kissed Lena’s forehead, letting Lena feel the smile on her lips against her skin. “Am I not allowed to spend time with my favorite person anymore?”

Lena sighed and shook her head, relaxing under Kara’s warm lips. “Of course, you’re allowed to do whatever you want and I do love having you here with me. But you did promise not to worry about me if I came home early and I don’t want you to give up time with the people important to you just to come see me. I don’t like feeling like I’m stealing you from everyone else.”

Kara clicked her tongue in disapproval and dipped down to leave a trail of kisses from Lena’s nose to her lips.

“Lena, when will you start believing that you’re important to me too?” Kara sighed, her breath pushing out over Lena’s lips. “I knew you’d be alright on your own, I just also knew you’d still be bummed being here after what I’m sure was quite a week for you back at home. Plus, I missed you and I really wanted to see you so I guess my motivations for coming were a bit selfish too. I spent time with my family and now I’ll spend the rest of my break with another very important person, I’m not missing out on anything when I’m right where I want to be.”

Kara watched as Lena’s eyes turned away, taking on a bashful, bittersweet look while her lips twitched in a way that told Kara she was actively holding herself back from disagreeing. Even with Kara’s endless reassurances, Lena couldn’t help feeling unworthy of her time, She didn’t want to seem ungrateful because Lena was so indescribably thankful for Kara, but her instincts told her she was wasting Kara’s time. She just couldn’t figure out what she had to offer and Kara was very aware that Lena didn’t quite measure her own worth as highly as Kara wished she would.  She could only hope that consistent, gentle insistence would eventually change Lena’s mind. 

With a huff and a nod, Lena relented under Kara’s unwavering gaze if only to get them off the s subject of her self-worth.

“Fine, you’ve convinced me for now. But only because it’s late and I’m tired and I would really like to get you out of that coat and into my bed so we can cuddle.”

Lena slid her hands up the sides of the coat and over Kara’s shoulders, pushing the sleeves down until it fell heavily to the floor. As soon as her arms were free, Kara reached a hand up to smooth the stressed lines from Lena’s forehead with her thumb and pressed a kiss there once the lines had faded. Kara put a mental bookmark in their conversation, but decided to leave it for later, She shed herself of her boots and scarf and let Lena lead her to bed gratefully after a long day of travel.

The excitement of seeing Lena had been fueling her, keep her awake, but no more than ten minutes after Kara had been pulled into bed, she found herself drifting. She only forced herself to stay awake a bit longer to enjoy the view of her lapful of snoring Lena that was curled on her chest.

 

They spent the next few days going back and forth between Kara’s apartment and Lena’s dorm, though they always ended up in lazing around and cuddling with each other wherever they found themselves. Lena’s initial conflicting feelings about Kara giving up family time to be with her eased as the hours passed.

Late Thursday night they huddled in Kara’s living room to watch Lord of the Rings at the request of Lena, though Kara could feel that Lena’s focus was straying from the TV. She’d noticed her inattention from the way her hands were fidgeting with Kara’s fingers, then soon she could feel Lena’s eyes on her. The look in her eyes was unreadable but there was a distinct weight of mounting emotion behind those dark green eyes and the soft crinkles surrounding them.

 “What’s with the look?” Kara nudged her nose against Lena’s gently, quirking her eyebrow in question.

 Lena’s nose scrunched up and Kara could see that she was internally debating whether or not she was going to share what was on her mind so Kara reached a hand over to Lena’s thigh and smoothed over the wrinkles on her sweatpants as a gesture of comfort.

In lieu of an answer, Lena crawled up to wrap her arms around Kara’s neck and drape herself over top her girlfriend. Kara felt Lena’s lips against her neck as she whispered into Kara’s skin.

“Thank you for being here, Kara.” 

“Of course, Lee.” Kara pressed a kiss to Lena’s head. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

The soft high pitch of Lena’s voice and the trembling crack in it had Kara’s heart warming, and she threaded her hands into Lena’s dark hair, knowing the stroking would be calming for her girlfriend. It was difficult for Lena to set aside her doubts about her importance to Kara to verbalize her gratitude, she was more comfortable showing her appreciations in quiet, physical ways. Kara cherished the non-verbal communications which often came in the form of a wonderfully clingy Lena.

With Lena’s warm body blanketed over her own, Kara felt thought she might end up succumbing to sleep until the click of the lock and the door opening startled both her and Lena upright.

A snow covered Winn Schott stumbled through the front door, shaking off snowflakes from her head and shoulders as she carefully unwrapped his scarf and shucked off his coat. He let out a surprised shout when he finally turned to the living room to find two pairs of eyes staring at him expectantly.

  
“Kara! Shit, I didn’t realize you’d be back already. This is fantastic! I’ve actually got big news to share.”

Kara, who’d previously been a bit miffed at Winn’s sudden intrusion was suddenly vibrating with excitement. “Well, don’t just stand in the doorway like a stranger, come in and share the news!”

 Kara scooted closer to Lena and made room on the couch next to her for Winn to sit, though he ignored the offered spot, choosing to stand right in front of them so he could place his hands firmly on Kara’s shoulders.

 Lena watched the interaction with intrigue as the two stared wide-eyed at each other for a long moment, tension and suspense building until she couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

 “Well, spit it out, Schott!”

 Winn startled again and gave Lena a sheepish smile.

 “Sorry! Sorry, I was just trying to build the suspense!” He took a deep breath and finally broke the thick tension.

 “I was getting drinks with a guy from one of the other bands performing with us next Saturday at that place downtown on Rice Street and he happened to mention that a couple of producers will be around that night watching and scouting for talent!”

 Kara let out a high pitched squeak and leapt up from the couch, tossing her hands up to grab Winn’s shoulders. “Oh my God, are you serious?”

Winn nodded vigorously with a cheek splitting grin on her face. “I don’t want to jinx us but this could totally be a shot for us to break out into the big leagues, Kara. These guys coming are freaking important in the music business and if we impress them we could end up looking at a record deal or something!” 

Lena watched from the couch as the two friends excitedly jumped up and down in each other’s arms, yelling enthusiastically, though a bit incoherently. The yelling was enough to shake her out of the lazy haze she’d been in all day, cooped up in a little bubble with Kara. Lena chose to stay on the sidelines, not wanting to interrupt a moment that she didn’t quite feel like she belonged in. Though she still shared their excitement and quietly hoped that Winn’s words would be true. Kara had the brightest sparkle in her eyes when she’d heard the news and Lena would do anything to see Kara smiling like that all the time. She could see Kara shining bright as a musician, bringing so much energy to the stage and finally living her dream. But for the first time she wondered if she would have a place in Kara's life when they finally made it big. She felt like she wasted Kara's time now, and she couldn't imagine Kara having time for her once she had so many more important things to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and keeping up with my irregular updating. I appreciate everyone who reads and I really hope you like what's coming next! The next few chapters are going to unfold some SHIT y'all. I'm hyped


	11. Talk to Me, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's good? 
> 
> So if you haven't noticed already, the chapters are shorter than they used to be. Basically, I'm breaking down things I would usually combine so that I can get updates out in a quicker, more efficient manner. If I kept trying to write big chapters, y'all would be waiting FOREVER since my time is limited. So I do apologize that they are short, but a compromise was necessary to make this manageable with school and work. Anyway, thanks for sticking around with me through this all and I'll see you next time for some more gay-ass content.

On the night of the show, nerves were high, anxieties thriving and Kara _could not_ stop sweating. She’d ridden the subway to the Rice Street theater with Lena who, as the wonderful girlfriend she was, held Kara’s hand the whole way there disregarding how Kara’s hands got progressively more damp the closer they came to arriving. Even Lena was getting anxious from the waves of nervousness radiating off of Kara while she prepped herself backstage. Pre-show-Kara was always so cool and collected, ready to jam out and share her music with the crowd. Music had always been her ultimate peace and performing was pure bliss, but the stakes of having record producers in the crowd scouting for talent was making Kara's hands uncharacteristically shaky.

 Although uncharacteristic, Kara’s mental freak-out was understandable. This performance had life-changing potential and being the lead of the band, Kara felt an overwhelming responsibility to do well for the sake of her friends’ future as well as her own. Logically, she knew that her friends loved her and loved playing music together no matter where or for what audience, and she also knew that this wouldn't be the one and only opportunity that would come along. She just still couldn't shake the feeling that she’d be disappointing everyone if they didn’t get scouted at the show, and that’s really why she felt so unsteady, she couldn’t stand the thought of disappointing the people who rely on her to lead them.  

Kara reminded herself that it’s always been a team effort and despite being the main songwriter and lead singer, they never held her at a higher standard than the others, everyone relied on each other equally.  Kara was just hyper aware that she had a tendency to want to take the blame for things going wrong even if it wasn't necessarily her blame to take.

 

At ten minutes until show time, the vibrating energy of her bandmates had successfully gotten Kara to a hyped up buzz, nerves and heightened excitement mixing after a much-needed group pep-talk. The noise around them seemed faint in spite of the bass being so loud it throbbed in their bodies, but all Kara could focus on was the incessant tapping of her foot and her own heartbeat racing. It was those moments between going on stage when all of the pent up energy had nowhere to be exerted and resulted in nervous tics. 

A pair of arms slipped around her waist from behind and Lena’s lips came down to lay a kiss against Kara’s neck, bringing the dull buzzing to a fade as Kara laid her hands down on the ones resting over her stomach.

“I’m really nervous, baby.” Kara turned her head, muttering the words into Lena’s cheek and letting out a tense breath while hands smoothed down her shirt.

“You’re gonna do wonderfully, Kara. Even if nothing comes as a result of this, your performance will be amazing. The crowd is going to love it and if this isn’t your time, then it’s at least practice for the next chance.” Lena leaned back and stepped around to rest their foreheads together, her hands running up to Kara’s biceps. “Because you will have another chance. And no matter what, I’m going to be right out there cheering you on and making sure you know how proud of you I am.” 

Lena stood up on her toes to press a kiss to Kara’s cheek, grinning at the feeling of Kara’s dimples under her lips.

 “Well, now that you’ve showered me with sweet words, I think I’m finally ready to get on stage. You were just what I needed to bring me back down to Earth.” Kara ducked down for one more quick kiss before Lucy came up from behind and patted her back, breaking the two out of their own little world.

“You ready to go, champ? ‘Cause you better be. It’s time.”

Kara watched as Lena reluctantly stepped away and backed towards the door, throwing a wink Kara’s way as the door came shut between them.

Kara let herself be pulled to the stage, the cheer of the crowd was close to deafening in the small theater space.

Lena made her way into the theater just in time to watch Kara smiling and waving to the crowd. She managed to catch Kara’s eyes and saw the confidence in her soar. Just like the first time Lena watched her perform, a fire took over Kara’s eyes as she lead the band through their set and what Lena could honestly say was their best performance to date. By the end of it all, the cheers from the crowd were so loud and enthusiastic that they gave Lena a headache that lasted her well into the next night. 

Kara’s vibrating excitement after stepping off stage lasted her into the next night as well, in fact, it lasted well into the next week. The prospect of getting that much awaited phone call kept her energy high for a good few weeks until days began to drag on and the phone didn’t ring at all. Hope was growing thin and it was beginning to seem like the call would never come. Even the other band that had performed that night had already gotten a call from the producers weeks ago, only a few days after the show.

The first week of the spring semester came and went, but Kara’s mood remained dull. The first week of classes was usually a time of excitement for Kara with the prospect of meeting new people and maybe having a couple good classes, but at the end of the week when Lena stopped by the apartment to check in, she was greeted by Lucy at the door who warned her that Kara was still in a mopey mood, too distracted by her disappointment to feel good about the week.

The scene Lena walked in on when she entered Kara’s bedroom was one of a quiet sulking, no enthusiastic greeting or fast-paced chatter. Kara was on the floor, leaned up against her bed, legs splayed out as she plucked half-heartedly at the strings of her bass. All Lena got in greeting was a sad wave and a silent offer to sit which she gratefully took, leaning herself opposite to Kara and stretching her legs out as well.

Lena waited for a few minutes, hoping Kara would address what had her so clearly upset, but Kara made no move to talk, even refusing to meet Lena’s eyes. Generally, Lena found that if she gave Kara enough quiet time she would usually break the silence, unable to hold in the whatever was bothering her. Kara had always seemed naturally social and empathetic and she was better at communicating about her feelings better than anyone Lena had ever met, but today Kara only sighed and plucked, her chords coming out dissonant and feeble. 

After Kara had sighed for the fifth time in twenty minutes, Lena pushed herself up from the wall and leaned in close to lay her hands over Kara’s calves

“Darling, I don’t want to push you, but would you like to talk about what’s on your mind?” Lena stroked her hands against the prickly hairs on Kara’s leg, hoping the motions came across as a comfort to her brooding girlfriend. “You’ve been visibly upset for a while now and I couldn’t help but notice. I just thought you might want to know that I’m here to listen if you don’t want to keep it all wrapped up inside. Maybe talking it out could help you feel better?”

Kara let out another heavy sigh and stilled her fingers on the strings of her bass. The silence stretched on for a long few moments before Kara’s fingers resumed movement, now drumming idly against the strings as the wheels in her head turned. Lena could see the emotional journey plainly across Kara’s face as she warred with resisting Lena’s soothing voice to continue pouting or to give in and talk about her feelings like she knew she should. 

When the evident conflict kept Kara’s limbs stuff under Lena’s touch, she drew her hands back and proposed another option.

“Or… If you’re not sure, maybe you could at least let me know what I can do for you right now? I could stay and sit quietly with you, we could talk about something else, or I could always leave you to have some alone time if that’s what you think you need.”

Kara set aside her instrument and finally looked up to meet Lena’s patient gaze. She knew talking it out was how she processed the best, there was just the weight of shame in the pit of her stomach the kept her hesitating a bit longer.

“You’re right.” Kara reached her hands out into the space between them and took hold of Lena’s hands, twining their fingers together. “I know you're right, and I want you to stay. I do want to talk, just... know that I feel conflicted about my own feelings right now and my thoughts are confused so this might come out a bit jumbled and weird.”

Lena squeezed their fingers and gave her a soft, supportive smile. “It’s alright, I’ll listen and we can sort through the jumble together once you get it all out there. Now worries.”

“Yeah, I like the sound of that. We can get through it together.” Kara’s lips spread into a small smile, the first Lena got out of her since she’d stepped into the room. Kara drew a deep breath, letting her lungs expand completely before blowing it all out and allowing the tension to drop from her shoulders. “Alright, so I guess I’ll start with the _thing,_ the reason why we’re here which I think you may sort of know already since you’ve always been a smart cookie. And I think it’s been kind of obvious that I’ve only been acting like a sulky idiot since that show a few weeks ago.” 

Kara squirmed in her seat, already feeling the heat of embarrassment and shame crawling up her neck.”I just really thought that night might be our shot. And the show we _so_ well, I was pumped, the band sounded kick-ass and I had such a good feeling about it when we left. But we haven’t heard anything from the producers even though the other band that performed that night got a call only a few days after the show!”

Kara huffed indignantly and tightened her grip on Lena’s hands. “I _know_ we are good, and I know if we keep at it we will have another chance, but I just can’t help feeling like I’ve let the band down, I guess. Like, maybe if they had a better front man they would be more successful by now. Maybe if I had just done better that night I could have gotten us a shot. I’m just so nervous that we won’t get any further now, that I won’t be able to get us our dreams, you know? And that sucks because that’s all I want. I’m getting a degree because it’s good to have, because I worked hard to get a scholarship and because I knew Eliza would be proud. But this, this college thing is just a backup plan for me. If we had a chance to go big, I would be out of here in a second. And it feels kind of selfish to say that because I know I’m lucky to be here and to have this opportunity to go to college, but gosh, if I could be playing music for the rest of my life instead, I would give up this opportunity in a heartbeat for that.”

“Alright.” Lena scooted forward and tugged their joined hands into her lap. “I’m going to start by saying that I have such admiration for your talent and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you guys will get another chance. But, I totally understand why you feel the way you do, it’s very easy to blame things on yourself especially when you don’t know which chance will be your last. That’s super nerve wracking especially when it's concerning something you've been working so hard for. Your friends definitely won’t blame you though. They don’t blame you now and even if things don’t work out later, they won’t blame you then because it is a team effort and you surround yourself with good people who recognize that. With that said, I think it’s also worth noting that you are still so young and you have so much time to keep working and improving. I mean, I’ve heard what you write and I know how much talent you have, babe. Honestly, it’s just a matter of time before someone takes notice. And I say that without bias, you're my girlfriend but I wouldn't lie to you about that." 

Kara nodded and pulled her hands from Lena’s, freeing them up in favor of wrapping around Lena’s waist, dragging her into a hug.

  
“I'm so glad you're here. You know exactly what to say." Kara mumbled, leaning her head comfortably in Lena’s shoulder. “And there’s a part of me that knows what you’re saying is true, that I’m getting into my head too much, but the stakes just feel so high. I mean, I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t have music. If I have to give up my dream I really wouldn’t know what to do with my life. I want this more than anything else in the world. I’d give anything to get there, I’d do anything, I’m just so ready to leave all of the rest of this behind already.”

Lena could feel the vibration of Kara’s dissatisfied hum against her neck as she smoothed her hand through the hair spilling out of Kara’s low ponytail. “You’ll get there, darling.  Just keep plugging along and if you need someone to remind you that you’re doing great and making progress, I’ll be here.”

Kara mumbled a quiet thank you into Lena’s sweater, then wiggled around to lean her back against Lena’s chest, pulling Lena’s arms around her waist. “I think… I think I’m done talking for tonight, I’m exhausted. But you’re the best and I hope you know that. Like, you knew I needed to talk about it and you gave me time to and I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend.” Kara nuzzled under Lena’s jaw, eliciting a giggle from her girlfriend.

“Rest, darling. We can talk more later if you’d like.” Lena leaned back and made herself comfortable against the wall, holding Kara’s weight against her as the blonde drifted off tiredly. She felt quite worn out herself, but found it hard to doze as easily as Kara seemed to be. In the wake of what turned out to be a successful conversation about feelings, Kara’s body felt free of tension but Lena found herself uneasy now that the room was quiet.

 Kara was so deeply passionate about her music, she knew what she wanted, she knew where she was meant to be and what she was meant to be doing. Lena couldn’t say she felt any of the same sureness in herself about nearly anything in her life. So many of the paths she’d found herself on were paths she was pushed down by her family, forced to follow in the footsteps of others for the sake of reputation. Even though she did enjoy science and building things, she did often wonder if she was missing out on something that she really wanted because she was busy being coerced in another direction.

 On top of that, she felt the weight of Kara’s thoughts finally sinking in. Kara was ready to give anything to get where she wanted to go. She was ready to leave her current life behind to pursue it, and although Lena truly admired her tenacity, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was one of those things that would be left behind in the pursuit of a greater passion. Was she enough to be kept around even after Kara got her chance to hit a bigger stage and a bigger audience?

She chastised herself for letting the guilt creep in, but insecurities were laid deep from previous wounds and there was no stopping her brain from analyzing Kara’s words too deeply. There had been such fervent determination in her voice and Lena knew that Kara never intended her words to cause such anxiety, but it was too late now; Lena’s worries were already validated. She’d been left behind before by others seeking something greater, why wouldn’t it happen again? Honestly, she couldn’t find a single thing in herself that would make someone want to stay anyway, and that was what scared her the most.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, that's such a sad note to end a chapter on! 
> 
> I'm REALLY excited for the next two chapters though. Some changes ahead for our dear characters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you're liking it all :)
> 
> As always, questions, comments, concerns and thoughts are very welcome


	12. Get Your Priorities Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely forgot I had this chapter written and it could have been posted like, three weeks ago... I feel like a dummy. But at least that means I have the chapter after it 90% finished because I thought it was the one I was posting next. So that will be coming at you sooner than this one did. I quite like how the next chapter came out actually. Hope you stick around to see it unfold, and I hope you're enjoying the ride!

The semester progressed and Kara’s optimism bounced back quickly though she remained a bit more reserved than usual. More often than not, Lena found her hiding in her room, buried in song writing or on the phone booking shows at venues around National City. The band was doing shows nearly every night of the week now and Lena was worried Kara was reaching a point of burnout from all of the work she was putting on herself. Unfortunately, due to the Danvers stubbornness she held, Kara dismissed any worries about her well-being, reassuring everyone that she was just doing what needed to be done for the good of the band.

As much as Lena wanted to have Kara’s back and be a supportive girlfriend, she could tell Kara was spreading herself way too thin. It was so unlike Kara to be late to game night or to pass on parties, but in the last few weeks she had been choosing to diligently practice her show set or make more phone calls rather than hang out with the group, often working way into the early hours of the morning. 

Thankfully, Lena knew she wasn’t alone in her concern. Alex had been coming over to her place more often to spend time with Sam and they seemed to be more comfortable around Lena again now that they were around each other so much. Lena had known Kara for most of her life but she wasn’t quite sure if she was crazy for thinking Kara was still acting out of character, luckily Alex assured her that they were noticing the behavior too one afternoon when Sam left them alone to go use the bathroom.

“So, Luthor… I need your help.”

Lena startled at the declaration, turning away from her packet of physics equations to meet Alex’s hard gaze. Alex was never much of a help seeker and from the tone of their voice, Lena could tell they were slightly miffed that they had to be asking for it, so it was safe to say that her curiosity was sufficiently piqued when she suddenly found her help being requested.

“Listen, this might sound strange but, you’re dating my sister, and I have a question for you.” Alex began, immediately striking worry into Lena’s heart. It was a vague way to open a discussion, and Alex’s blank expression gave no hint of what might come next. Was this the moment Alex finally decided they didn’t think Lena was good enough for Kara? Had she done something wrong to warrant an angry older siblings threat? Or maybe Alex just needed help thinking of a birthday gift for Kara. That thought seemed unlikely considering Alex was arguably the closest person to Kara, but Lena needed something positive to hold onto so she didn’t slip into a spiral of anxious thoughts. 

Alex took one look at Lena’s face and saw the intimidated look in her eyes so they cleared their throat and spoke again, this time trying a softer route.

“Hey kid, no need to freak out. I’m not going to bite.” Alex sank down into Sam’s desk chair and leaned back casually. “This isn’t an interrogation or anything, I just need a second opinion from someone I trust on the topic.”

Lena relaxed slowly back into her seat and nodded, knowing Alex was not one to sugar coat things for anyone. They told things as they were even if the truth wasn’t pretty so she knew they weren’t messing around. She had only a moment to bask in the realization that her girlfriends sibling trusted her in their relationship before Alex was pushing forward again.

“Great. So now that you no longer look like you’re about to piss yourself, I need to ask you about Kara and I know you probably feel weird talking about her with me but I promise it isn’t anything bad, I’m just worried.” Alex brought their hands behind their head, rubbing against the short stubbly hair on the back of their neck.

“I know she was bummed after the band got overlooked by the talent scouts and honestly, I'm really proud of the work she’s doing, not letting that roadblock get in the way. There was a time where Kara would just let go of what she needed, put other people first and forget about what she really wanted to make everyone else happy, but this time she’s really pushing herself harder to get what she wants. I just feel like she’s pushing herself to exhaustion.”

Lena nodded along and waited for a chance to interject. 

“You’re definitely not alone. I’ve been noticing it too. It worries me that she’s trying to keep up with her class work while doing so many shows a week, and some nights she doesn’t sleep more than three hours. I can tell it’s taking a toll on her but she refuses to even acknowledge that she’s tired.”

“Oh thank goodness. Okay, I wasn’t sure if I was just being over protective or if it was actually as I suspected.” Alex let out a relieved breath, lighting up at the confirmation. “She really isn’t taking good care of herself. Plus, this is kind of selfish but, she's also spending less and less time with me. She spends less time with our group as a whole. I totally get needing to set aside time for serious work but there has to be a balance so you don’t fucking waste away and end up miserable.”

“It definitely is not just you. I want so badly to support her but I also want to make sure she’s taking care of herself. I just feel nervous to keep pushing the subject because I don’t want to discourage her or make her feel guilty either. But every time I mention it, she just brushes it off and says she’s fine. I don’t know what to do.”

“Kara’s always been too hard on herself. She may have been adopted by she’s a Danvers through and through with that damn stubbornness.” Alex rolled their eyes, though a smile still graced their lips.

“Just make sure she knows you’re coming from a place of care.” Alex shrugged ran a hand through their slicked back hair. “She may not respond when she thinks she is fine but I think if she knows how it’s making the people around her feel she might pay more attention.”

Lena managed a nod in response before the conversation was interrupted by Sam finally returning from the bathroom and as soon as Sam entered the room, Alex’s attention was gone with no hope of getting it back. 

“Ready to go, Alex?” She sent smile towards the redhead and nodded toward the door. “Sorry to steal them away Lena but I was promised a romantic date night and I intend to hold this one to their word.”

Alex’s face which was, just seconds ago, lined with worry was now sporting a wide grin tinged with adoration. Lena couldn’t help herself from smiling at how enamored the two clearly were with each other. They hadn’t specifically made it official but with the way they were constantly hanging on each other’s arms, the level of PDA was enough for anyone to assume that the two were taken. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Just gotta get my jacket.” Alex stood and began pulling their arms into their coat, turning back to Lena briefly. “Thanks for the talk, Luthor. And thanks for being good to her. I know she might seem distant right now but trust me, I know she cares a hell of a lot. She just needs to get her priorities straight”

Alex gave Lena a short, two fingered salute in parting and found their way to Sam, tucking their arm around her waist and gluing them to each other’s side. Sam gave a quick wave over her shoulder as the two bustled out the door, giggling to themselves and leaving Lena to reflect on the interaction she just had.

 

The quiet hanging over the room seemed a bit heavier, it had been almost a peaceful silence when she was studying but now that her mind was wandering, it was all a bit much.

Knowing she wasn’t alone in her worries was a great relief, even though the conversation was a bit shorter than Lena would have liked. What was troubling her now were Alex’s parting words. 

Even when Kara was distant, Lena knew she still cared, and there was a part of her that wanted to say for sure that she was important to Kara but now the question was floating around in her head again, was she really a priority? When everything was said and done, would Lena end up being a top priority or would she just be left behind? And at that moment, she didn’t really feel too certain that she was a priority.

With how busy Kara was, and Lena’s own packed schedule they didn’t see each other often as it was. But now that Kara was piling on way more work than she used to, staying up to ungodly hours playing songs over and over, Lena was getting ignored in favor of show gigs more and more. She hated feeling needy, but she really needed more from Kara than she was getting. She needed that little bit of extra reassurance to feel safe and loved, and she just wasn’t getting that from Kara now.

 

It took a few days of back and forth debate in her head before she decided that talking to Kara about her dilemma was vital to her mental well-being. She didn’t want to come across as needy but she desperately needed that reassurance and validation of their relationship from Kara. It was just a matter of getting Kara alone so they could actually talk about it, now. The band had shows on four out of seven nights the next week, then game night happened and everyone was in a group with nowhere to be alone. Lena hoped she would be able to wait for everyone to clear out to snag Kara, but Sam was feeling achy and a bit ill that night so Lena escorted her home early to help her relax. Of course, then midterms were upon them and Lena had a hundred and one things to study for. Then _finally_ the opportunity came one Saturday as Lena showed up at Kara’s apartment with her game face on and the sole intention of getting her girlfriend alone if it was the last thing she did. 

James, Winn and Lucy were all hanging around the TV doing homework while Kara sat to the side, putting new strings on her bass. Lena walked straight up to Kara, who gave her a quick smile and wave before turning back to her activity, leaving Lena to stand awkwardly next to her, now slightly unsure if she should go through with her plan. She knew it would look weird if she asked Kara to speak with her privately, or if she just dragged her girlfriend back to her room, but this was also a really important conversation that needed to be had, preferably as soon as possible. 

She stood fidgeting with her hands for a moment, staring down at Kara who was blissfully oblivious to her girlfriend’s internal struggle. Lena caught Winn’s eye for a moment as he gave her a questioning look and made her realize that she’d been standing for about thirty seconds now without movement and it was definitely drawing suspicion. She shook her head at him, the look in her eyes communicating that it was not the time to point out her awkwardness.  With a deep breath, Lena steeled herself and cleared her throat as quietly as possible and placed her hand on Kara’s shoulder.

“Umm, Kara? Could we go back to your room, please?” 

The words came out as a whisper as she tried to speak so that no one else would hear her.

Kara turned to her with an easy smile, only to crinkle her brow when she saw the nervous state of her girlfriend.

“Yeah, of course, babe. Are you alright? Is something going on?” The bass was quickly set aside in exchange for Lena’s hands and Kara began rubbing soothing circles to stop Lena’s fingers from twisting anxiously.

“I’m fine.” Lena nodded her head, though the words didn’t come out quite as convincing as she’d hoped. “I just want to talk real quick.” She paused and looked back, making sure everyone was still occupied before leaning back in and whispering. “Somewhere a bit more private?”

 Lena watched as a worried look washed over Kara’s features. It was never fun to tell someone you needed to talk to them with such a serious tone, and Lena could only imagine the thoughts Kara might be having as she nodded solemnly and stood, leading the way to her bedroom.

Lena could barely wait for them to make the short walk so they could finally be alone and she could talk without ears listening in but Kara was slinking slowly down the hallway, prolonging the trip as if she was expecting the worst.

As soon as Lena closed the door behind them, Lena wasted no time wrapping her girlfriend into a hug and laying a kiss to her cheek. “Calm down, baby. We’re fine. I just didn’t want to say anything in front of everyone. Please don’t stress, I promise everything is okay.”

Lena felt Kara breathe out a relieved sigh against her shoulder as she wove her arms around Lena’s waist and squeezed tight.

 Kara let out a breathless chuckle and pulled out of the embrace, shaking her head and blinking the beginnings of tears from her eyes.

“Sorry about that. I’m good, I just kind of went worst case scenario in my head when you said we needed to talk.”

Lena ran her fingers down Kara’s arms to meet her hands, and gave her a smile. “Sorry about scaring you there, I know I would have felt the same way if you’d done that to me with no warning. I just know I didn’t want to bring up the topic in front of your friends.”

 “It’s all good.” Kara waved her off the apology and gestured to the bed. “Please, sit.”

She waited for Lena to settle herself and then sat next to her, pulling a pillow into her lap. “Whatever it is you need to talk about, I’m here to listen.”

It was moments like that when Lena felt so grateful to have a girlfriend like Kara. Growing up she hadn’t seen a lot of healthy relationships around her. No one wanted to listen to one another to work things out and there was _never_ compromise. Being able to actually talk about her feelings and get a positive response was a luxury Lena hoped she would never take for granted.

 “I guess before I start I want to preface by saying that you might disagree, but I want you to just hear me out first.” Lena waited for an affirmative nod from Kara before continuing.

"I’ve been noticing that you’ve been working really hard and pushing yourself, and I want you to know that I’m so proud of you for not giving up on your goals. However, I am also worried about you, Kara. You barely sleep, and you’re sacrificing so much time to your work that you don’t have time for anything else. And I know you keep saying you’re fine but I can see how exhausted you are, I just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You can only keep going at this rate for so long before it really takes a toll on you physically and mentally.”

Lena watched as Kara pursed her lips, no doubt to hold back a defensive statement so she didn’t cut Lena off before she was finished.

“I know Alex and Sam are worried too and we all agreed that you haven’t been spending as much time with everyone as you used to. It’s not healthy to have no balance between work and fun and honestly, it feels like you’re pushing people away. Now, I don’t want you to feel forced to spend time if you don’t want to but you have been pretty distant lately and I… I guess I just need a little reassurance from you, if you can?” Lena huffed and ran a hand through her hair, getting flustered at actually having to ask someone to satisfy a need for her. Asking for things came with extra guilt, she wasn’t taught to be reliant on people, but she couldn’t help herself anymore.

“Even if you need time to be alone, I get that and I will respect it if you need time to be alone every once in a while. I just would hope that you could also check in and let me know we’re still doing okay every so often. I don’t want you to feel like you need to give me attention every free second you have, I just need a little more than I’m getting right now. Like, I feel like you’ve been so busy that we haven’t had a good long conversation with each other in weeks and I miss you. I miss being able to talk with my best friend.”

Kara’s frown grew deeper the longer she listened to Lena. Being in tune with the people around her and making sure they were okay was something Kara was usually quite good at. It was something she was proud of and it made her a better friend. But clearly she wasn’t as in tune as she thought she was.

As much as she hated to realize it, Lena was right, they had not had a time where they’d hung out with just each other and talked, checked in on how one another was feeling and Kara knew that was a product of her self-enforced, non-stop work. She’d been too caught up in her own head, pushing herself to keep writing and keep playing, so she would do better next time. But there was a difference between hard work to achieve a goal and this form of self-punishment she was inflicting on herself for not being good enough to get her friends the chance to move forward.

“Lena, I’m so sorry, I-“ Kara stuttered while her brain tried to figure out what to address first. “I mean, first of all, thank you for telling me about how you feel. I know it isn’t easy to share vulnerable feelings, especially on top of me being distant. I didn’t even realize how bad it had gotten. I knew I was kind of punishing myself, forcing myself to work harder because I felt so inadequate, I just didn’t notice the effects it was having on other people.”

Kara let out a tense sigh and ran a hand through her hair. “I had no idea it was affecting you that way and… gosh, I just wish I had been paying more attention. Then maybe I would have seen it and I could have done something before you started feeling this way. I must have made you feel so alone.”

“No, no, Kara. Please don’t say that.” Lena shook her head and reached over to smooth her hands over Kara’s knuckles. She could tell Kara was getting into her head and she needed to bring her back to the present. 

“Darling, please don’t take this as any sort of blame. I completely understand why you feel guilty and why you wanted to work so hard to get better. I admire your passions and I don’t ever want you to feel guilty for them. This isn’t about something you did wrong. Logically, I know people that I care about really do care about me too, my brain just is dumb and tells me that they don’t care when I haven’t seen them or talked to them in a while. This is my feelings and my needs, and your well-being, not your faults. All I need is for you to take care of yourself and I need to know we are still okay.”

“Of course, yes. Anything, Lena.” Kara nodded vigorously, her hair bouncing along with the movement. “I will definitely make sure I’m checking in with you more.  I will do my very best to make sure I’m staying in touch even when we are both too busy to see each other sometimes.” Kara laced their fingers together and gave their hands a squeeze. Kara always had less sympathy for herself, but if her actions were affecting the people around her so much, she knew she needed to change. Especially if she was making Lena worried about her. Besides, she  _was_  quite exhausted and she figured a little relaxing time could only do her good.

“I will always make time for you.” Kara’s voice held determination and there was resolve in her eyes. “And if I’m not giving enough, please, _please_ let me know. I can’t lose you again.”

Lena pulled her in for a hug, wrapping her arms around Kara’s waist and relaxing into the embrace. That doubtful voice in her head quieted for a while as they sat together long afterwards, talking, laughing and kissing, having a long overdue heart-to-heart. For the first time in a while, Kara fell asleep curled into Lena’s chest with Lena not far behind her, stroking soft blonde hair gently with a smile on her lips.

It seemed that maybe she was priority after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you had any thoughts or comments on the chapter! 
> 
> I'm excited to keep writing this story and I love sharing it with you all, and like I said in the beginning, the chapter after this is one is nearly done because of my mishap so look out for that one soon. 
> 
> Hope you guys have a great week, and I'll see you next time!


	13. Jump With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT'S GOOD? 
> 
> Here we are, reaching a solid halfway point in our journey. I'm hyped for you guys to read what's coming next! Thankfully I got this chapter out much faster than the last. I'll be working on getting the next one to you ASAP. We've got some good relationship parallels happening here and good content for agentreign and supercorp. Hope y'all like it!! See you next time
> 
> \-----  
> Sorry i posted it weird at first, i was trying to post on the phone and fucked it up

Life was going pretty well for Alex Danvers in the last few months. Sure, their sister was acting a bit off, grad school was a bitch, and their sort-of-not-really-official relationship was with a girl who was nearly 8 months pregnant with a child that wasn’t Alex’s, but still, things were looking pretty good. 

It certainly didn’t make things easy knowing Sam was expecting a baby in such a short amount of time, but she had Alex’s heart tied up in the most wonderful kind of way that made them feel surprisingly comfortable in the role of the ‘supportive partner’ through every bellyache and doctor visit. While it was a strange place that Alex didn’t expect to find themselves in, it was arguably, miles easier than what would come once Sam was no longer pregnant.

There’d been several conversations about how their relationship might change once the baby was actually there, though most of them never ended in any solid conclusion. The last time they addressed it, Alex had honestly been expecting Sam to tell them that she wanted to put a pin in their relationship for a while, maybe until the child was more grown up. Or maybe she’d just break it off entirely to focus on the baby, and Alex couldn’t blame her either way. Both options seemed easier than juggling a relationship and a baby when the relationship hadn't developed for even a full year.

But once again, life seemed to be on Alex’s side at the moment and the conversation took a turn they weren’t expecting.

 

‘ _Wait, so you don’t want to take a break at all?” Alex gaped, they didn’t like being caught off guard and it was clear on their face that this hadn’t been the answer they thought they were going to get._

_“I don’t see why it would make things any easier to take a break, so, no.” Sam shrugged her shoulders casually and reached over to smooth a hand over Alex’s knee. “Sure, things will be different for us but I don’t feel like I need stop enjoying what we have because of this.” Sam patted her stomach affectionately._

_“Are you sure?” Alex frowned. “I don’t want to get in the way or add any extra stress, especially in the beginning when being a parent will be so new.”_

_“Alex, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I really like you. Having a baby isn’t going to suddenly change that, nor is it going to change my desire to be around you whenever I can be. Of course, I want to keep our relationship together, you make me happy and I’ve felt so secure with you in the months we've been together. I like having that kind of stable presence in my life and honestly, I know it will be helpful to have that stability there for me as I enter this stressful process of trying to raise my kid.”_

_Sam laced their fingers together over the pronounced bump of her belly and watched as Alex’s frown began to diminish into a soft smile. “I’ll be busier, I know I’ll be more stressed and I’ll even have to wear diapers for a little bit after the birth, but as long as you’re still okay to go through this with me, I want you to be there with me.”_

_Alex chuckled and shook their head. “I don’t think anything could make me stop being attracted to you. Not even seeing you in post-pregnancy diapers.”_

_“Aww babe, that’s so sweet of you.” Sam shot them a teasing smile. “You’re getting soft on me, Danvers.”_

_Alex rolled their eyes at Sam’s sarcastic tone. They wrapped their arms around Sam’s waist and leaned back into the couch, pulling Sam down with them. “I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I’m invested in you, and in this. Whether it’s through diapers or a baby, I want to be there with you, too.”_

Alex recalled the way Sam had melted into their side and whispered a quiet _‘thank you’_ into the collar of their flannel top. As the conversation died down, Sam was soon snoozing on Alex’s chest, pinning them to the couch indefinitely. There was homework that probably should have been getting done that night, but having your girlfriend fall asleep on you is just like having your pet fall asleep in your lap, it’s too cute of a scene to risk jostling them even a little.  Plus, the daily stress of college was enough to wear anyone out, but the physical demands of carrying a baby made that feel doubled and Alex knew Sam was in desperate need of the rest with how tired she was these days.

They spent a good while stroking their fingers through Sam's hair, feeling the silky strands slip over her digits, reflecting the lighting in the room to reveal streaks of golden tones mixed with the brown. Their efforts to be a good partner were nearly thwarted when the front door creaked open and Lena came striding in, peeking around the living room looking for Kara, or so Alex assumed.

“Oh!” Lena startled at the sight of her two friends entwined on the couch and immediately stilled her movements when she noticed Sam snoring softly in Alex’s lap. She proceeded to stand awkwardly across the room from Alex and smoothed some unseen wrinkles from her jeans under Alex’s hard gaze.

 “Alex… I uh- didn’t mean to interrupt. I didn’t realize you guys would be here.”

 Alex quirked their brow.

“You didn’t realize I might be here, in my own home, where I live?”

Lena cleared her throat quietly and averted her eyes. The nearly incredulous, sarcasm in Alex’s voice had her blushing up to her ears when she realized just how odd her excuse must have seemed.

“Yeah… In hindsight, that maybe wasn’t the best choice of words. Sorry for barging in, I was-“

“Looking for Kara.” Alex interrupted, finishing the sentence for her. “I figured that’s why you were here. She isn’t home right now. Haven’t seen her all day actually.”

 Lena gave a small sheepish smile at her own evident predictability, though it quickly dipped into a frown as it became clear that Kara wasn’t around. Her shoulders drooped as she looked forlornly back at the door.

“Oh, well… I suppose I’ll just get out of your hair then. Sorry to bother you.”

“Lena, wait!” Alex softened their smile and gestured to the chair across from them. “You don’t have to rush off or anything. You’re not bothering anyone. I know sleeping beauty over here is taking up most of the couch space but you can sit and stay a while if you want. Kara will be back eventually, she does live here so she'll have to be back.” 

As much as Alex had been enjoying some quality alone time with Sam, the way Lena smiled hesitantly to the offer pulled at their heartstrings. They had always been fond of Lena as a kid, she was a quiet, shy child and over time Alex found themselves becoming just as protective of the youngest Luthor as they did of their own sibling.

“You know I don’t mind your company right? We’ve known each other for a long time and while I may have been an uptight, stressed out teen back then, I never disliked you.”

"Yeah, I suppose you have a point.” Lena settled herself gracefully into the worn out cushion of the armchair, and though she had visibly relaxed, she still crossed her legs and folded her arms neatly to make herself smaller. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon. But in the meantime, your company isn’t so bad either, Danvers.”

That verbal confirmation of a friendly connection between the two was what Lena needed to finally let go of the remaining anxiety she held around her relationship with the older Danvers sibling. A part of her had been stuck wondering if their relationship was damaged when her and Kara got separated. The pain she knew Kara had been in from losing her friend was enough for Lena to assume that Alex likely had gotten mad at her for being the cause. But it seemed that now the air was clear and the room settled into peace.

 Unfortunately, the moment was broken by the door slamming open again, this time startling all three occupants of the room. Sam jerked up from Alex’s lap and looked around through wide, but tired eyes. 

“’S everything okay?” She mumbled. “I heard a bang.”

Alex turned back and brushed the tangled hair out of Sam’s face, tucking it tenderly behind her ear. “Everything’s fine.” They turned their gaze back to the door, pinning a sheepish looking Kara with a fiery glare. “ _Someone_  just doesn’t know how to enter a room subtly.”

Kara held her palms up in defense as three pairs of eyes trained their focus on her, one looking happy, one confused and the other quite annoyed.

“Don’t look at me like that! How was I supposed to know there would be someone sleeping on my couch? It’s only 4 pm anyway. Who sleeps at 4pm?” Kara huffed and gestured indignantly to the clock on the wall as evidence of her point. “Besides, it’s good that everyone is awake, alert and in the same place because I have some big news to share with all of you guys that I’ve had to keep secret for a while, but I have finally been given the official go-ahead to tell everyone!” 

Alex scoffed and gave Kara an unimpressed look. “You’ve been given the go-ahead to tell us? What could you possibly have to tell us that had to be kept like some top-secret government files or something?”

Sam chuckled and scooted herself up, resting her chin on Alex’s shoulder. “Your sibling has a good point, Kar. If you’ll recall the last time you had big news to share with us, we all got super excited only for you to tell us that your favorite pizza place was opening a second location closer to your apartment. Which, I will be fair, is good news but not super suspenseful, heart-stopping news like you’d made it out to be.”

“Oh come on! That new location was the best thing to happen to me that week, you can’t blame a girl for wanting to share her excitement.” Kara’s enthusiasm was met with raised eyebrows and cheeky smirks, even Lena, who she thought would have her back, seemed to be holding in a wide grin.

 “Sorry babe, but I do have to admit, although I was happy for you, I definitely thought there was going to be more to that announcement than just pizza.”

“Just pizza? _Just pizza,_ Lena?” Kara shook her head, shooting an incredulous look at Lena. “I can’t believe my girlfriend would say such a thing about pizza. It’s never _just_ pizza, it’s an experience and you all clearly have no respect for such a national treasure.”

“Alright, drama queen.” Alex butted back into the conversation, interrupting their sibling from lamenting further. They waved their hands, beckoning Kara out of the front doorway and into the living room. “We get the point; pizza is your one true love and we are all unworthy of it’s presence. Now that we’ve got that cleared up, please get to your point! You had some “big’ announcement when you showed up, and I love you Kara but if you keep us all in suspense any longer I swear I will hide the damn pizza place menu from you.”

Kara shot Alex a teasing glare and brought herself back into focus. “I've got their number memorized. _But_ , you’re right. I will admit I got a little side tracked there, I just have so much energy right now.”  


Kara’s hands fidgeted anxiously, emphasizing the surplus of energy with nowhere to go. Even in a group of people she knew so well, she still felt a strange amount of nervous energy stuck in her body that she didn’t know what to do with. Lena offered her a seat on her armchair but Kara shook her head, her body felt too restless to sit still.

“Alright, so I’m sure you guys remember when those music executives came to our show and chose the other band who performed that night over us?” Kara waited until she got confirming nods before continuing. “Okay, well, that band got signed and they’re going on tour starting in May and, well, they’ve asked me and the guys if we would come along and be their openers. So, of course, I said yes because I would be crazy to pass up this opportunity!” 

Kara could sense from the dead quiet of the room and the surprised faces looking back at her that the news was shocking, so she immediately moved to damage control mode.

“I mean, obviously I wanted to share this information and talk to you guys about it ahead of time because you’re all important to me, but there was paperwork that had to be signed and details to be worked out before I could actually say anything about it. But now that it’s all set in stone, I wanted you guys to be the first ones to know."

The goal had been to ease the shock, but her words fell severely flat if Alex’s expression was anything to go by. Their eyes were still wide, and their lip twitched as they tried to form any sort of response to such a sudden reveal.

 “So… you’re saying you just decided to go on tour for a whole year without telling anyone? I mean, I don’t want to sound like I’m not happy for you. I know you’ve wanted something like this and I am glad you’re getting it, but do you even realize what you’re doing? Do you know the consequences this choice is going to have?”

 Taken aback by Alex’s less than enthusiastic response, Kara took a half step back and stuttered for a few moments. In her fantasy of the situation she’d imagined an ecstatic reception filled with hugs and encouragement, but reality was taking a turn as Alex continued on.

“So, you’re just going to drop out of school and waste all of the time and money you’ve put into your degree? This is your backup plan, Kara. If this superstar band fantasy doesn’t work out for you, you’ll just end up being a washed up college drop out with no career path and no degree to fall back on. Did you even tell mom yet? I can’t imagine what she’ll have to say about it. Not to mention, you’re going to be missing out on so much if you just up and leave. Sam is having her baby in a few months and you and the band will all be halfway across the country. I mean, seriously, Kara, did you even stop to think about all of this before jumping in?”

 Kara’s brow furrowed and her lip twisted into a frown at the rising tone of Alex’s voice which she met with her own fierce intensity. “Well, what about what I’m going to be missing if I don’t take this chance, Alex? How about I just stay here in this damn city for the rest of my life and end up a sad, burned out office worker? I can’t just choose when a good thing is going to happen to me so I can fit it into my current schedule. Life is happening now and I have to take my chances when they come. You _know_ this is everything I’ve been waiting for and I refuse to give it up and live with regret because you want to guilt me into staying here.”

The heated response did nothing to quell Alex’s growing frustration, their back straightened tall and stiff as they glared back at their sibling.

“You know that’s not what I meant. But, you know what? Maybe you should feel guilty. You’re just abandoning everyone without notice to live out some dream in your head that, honestly, may never come true! You have a whole life here. You’re throwing away money spent on your degree, all that hard work mom put in to help you get here? And what about that promise you made to Sam to be there to help her with the baby? Now she’s going to have four of her closest friends gone when she needs them the most! I mean, really Kara. It’s completely selfish and-“

 Sam cleared her throat and squeezed her hand around Alex’s shoulder firmly in warning, shooting a pointed look at them before they could rip into Kara any more. As a spectator to the rising tension, Sam could tell they both needed space before engaging the subject further. This wasn’t how the two siblings usually interacted and she didn’t want to see any more damage done. Not to mention, her pregnancy was suddenly being used as an argument, and despite the worry she was feeling in realizing that she would be more alone on her journey than she expected, she didn't want that being dragged into it. But that was a conversation for later, first she had to remove herself from the situation before anything escalated further.

She stood with Alex’s hand in her own, giving it a subtle tug. “Alright Alex, That’s enough. Clearly, you two need space before you say anything dumb and hurt each other’s feelings, so we are going back to my place, okay?”

Alex seemed to want to protest at first but with a stern raised brow from Sam, they were up on their feet following her out the door without even a glance back at their sibling.

The door closed behind loudly, leaving Kara to wince at the resounding slam. She let out a frustrated sigh and rubbed her hand roughly over her face, desperately trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. She was nearly ready to run to her room and hide away for the rest of the day when she heard Lena shift in the chair next to her, making Kara aware that she still had company.

With her head down and eyes brimming with worry, Kara turned slowly toward Lena, facing her for the first time since she came in. 

“Please don’t tell me you hate me too.” Kara shrunk in on herself, pulling her shoulders and arms together in anticipation of more stern words.

Lena shook her head, huffed out a heavy sigh, and opened her arms out to her girlfriend. 

“Kara, come here, please.” She scooted over in the small armchair, making as much room as she could, and although Kara took her invitation to sit, she settled on the armrest, as far from Lena as she could, still seemingly reluctant to believe that Lena would be forgiving.

Lena, who had no appetite for distance, pulled Kara down by her hips onto the seat of the chair, practically into Lena’s lap where she was immediately enveloped in a warm hug. 

At the firm, grounding touch, Kara found herself falling into Lena’s arms bonelessly. She buried her nose into the inviting warmth of her girlfriend’s neck and allowed herself to finally release the tears she’d been holding back. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered weakly, earning only another sigh and a tighter hug in answer from Lena.

 “Darling, I’m not mad. There is nothing to be sorry for. Please don’t worry about apologizing to me.”

Kara sniffled wetly and pulled out of Lena’s neck, baring her vulnerability and ruddy, tear stained cheeks to her girlfriend.

“You’re not mad?” Her voice warbled as she hastily wiped tears from her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

“No, baby. I’m not.” Lena shook her head again and Lena up to drop a kiss to Kara’s forehead. “We definitely need to talk about this, and I have questions, of course. But I’m not mad. Being mad isn’t going to help either of us right now.”

Kara nodded silently, regarding Lena with a wide-eyed, cautious gaze. “I’ll answer any questions you have, I promise.”

Lena gave her a small smile and reached up to run her thumb across Kara’s cheek, catching any tears in her path. “Relax, Kara. Questions come second. First, I want to tell you how excited I am for you. Alex may not have reacted well but I’m sure they’re just as proud as I am. This is huge for you and it could open so many doors, and I know it’s what you’ve been waiting for."

Kara’s lips spread into a soft smile as her solemn mood began to shift. “It really is the most amazing thing. We have a chance to play for people all across the country, in bigger venues than we’ve ever done before. I’ll get to do what I love every day, I’ll get to hang out with James, Lucy and Winn all the time, and nothing else will be in my way for months! It really is like a dream come true.”

Lena could feel Kara’s tense body loosening back into a more eased posture as it became more clear that Lena wasn’t approaching the subject with hostility. Lena wished she could relax into Kara’s easy smile and eager ramblings but she was still on edge from the suddenness of the news and the deluge of questions her brain was producing.

“That is a lot of exciting stuff, and I can’t blame you for wanting to jump on this chance. It _is_ a whole year on the road though. You’ll have to drop everything you’re doing here and things may not be the same when you come back. Are you prepared to drop out? You’ll lose your scholarships if you leave, you’ll have to quit your job. I mean, I’d assume you’re getting paid for your gigs but are you going to be financially sustained for this trip if you’re gone for so long without any other source of income. Is transportation taken care of for you? Will they pay for meals?”

 Lena huffed, knowing she was coming off sounding like a worried parent, but she couldn’t help the concerned instincts in her. “I trust you, I just want to make sure you’ve thought it all through and that you’re going to be okay.”

“Well, for starters, I haven’t told Eliza yet.” Kara pursed her lips thoughtfully as if considering how that interaction might go in her head. “But, I feel like she’ll be supportive. She’s always wanted the best for her kids and wanted to us to end up doing something we love with our life. Even if she’s disappointed that I’m dropping out, I’m sure she’ll come around to it. Plus, It’s not like I’m going to completely ditch school yet. As you said, it’s only a year on tour, then once I’m back from that I can finish out my degree. So it’s less that I’m dropping out and more like I’m taking an exploratory gap year!”

“A gap year?” Lena shot her girlfriend a skeptical look.

“Yeah! There’s no guarantee that we will have opportunities off the bat after this tour so in the meantime while we’re finding our next step, I can get back to finishing school so I can still please Alex and Eliza _and_ get what I want out of it. The plan is perfect. I’ll go on tour, we’ll spend a year getting our name out there, travelling around in a dope tour bus, get a big paycheck at the end, and then I’ll come back a year later and you guys will barely have had time to miss us!” 

Despite her inner monologue heightening her stress, Lena had been trying to keep her face optimistic or at least neutral as Kara talked, but her features were definitely failing her the more Kara went on trying to convince her that her plan was foolproof.

“Okay, so I can definitely tell you’re worried but I swear everything is going to be fine. I know everyone feels like I just made some last minute, rushed decision, but I really have put a lot of thought into it. I thought about the consequences, I thought about the sustainability of it, I thought about the things I might miss and weighed them against what I might lose if I don’t go. It seems like a rushed choice because you guys are only just finding out about it now, but I promise you I have given it some serious thought, Lena.”

Lena nodded in acknowledgement, unable to argue with Kara’s point. It was a sudden revelation to her, but Kara had clearly been mulling it over for much longer than any of them knew. Still, Lena wasn’t convinced that everything would just happen to turn out the way Kara hoped they would. Not even her girlfriend’s infectious optimism was enough to overshadow the weight of the past experiences Lena had. She’d lost track of how many times hopes didn’t play out the way they expected, or things went terribly wrong without warning. She even felt a bit of frustration with Kara at how ready she seemed to be to declare the situation fine when the last time they were meant to be separated for a short time, it resulted in the abrupt end of their friendship.

Lena’s brow remained knit in concern as she tried to form a diplomatic response.

 “I will recognize that you thought it through. I know you’re a thoughtful person and I wouldn’t imagine you to be impulsive about something that effects so much of your life. I just… I guess I relate to some of what Alex expressed before they left.” Lena watched as a tiny bit of worry flashed across Kara’s eyes, almost unnoticeable. But she knew she needed to be honest.

“A lot happens in a year and you won’t be able to stay in touch all of the time. Half of the support system Sam has is now going to be who knows how many miles away when she has the baby. And that is a big deal. Plus, I mean, this is selfish, but I won’t see you for so long and you know what happened last time, Kara… I’m just- I’m so scared you’ll disappear again. How will I know you’ll make it back to me?”

 Kara reached over a gave Lena’s hands a reassuring squeeze, her smile not wavering even the slightest bit as she did.

“Babe, of course I’ll make it back to you. We’ve dealt with distance before, yes, but this time we have cell phones to keep in touch. It will be so much easier than keeping up with letters or getting permission to use the landline. Plus, I’ll have some days off where I might be able to come back and visit! It’s not like I’ll be gone completely. We will come back to see the baby, we’ll help when we can, and as for you and me, I know this can work. I just need you to trust me, Lena, I need you to trust that you’re too important to let go of.”

Kara grinned and pressed a kiss to Lena’s forehead, leaving a faint imprint of her chapstick against the skin.

“Trust me, baby. Everything is going up from here. Dreams are going to come true and I want you by my side through all of it. This is just the beginning for us.”

 Lena sighed and watched Kara’s smile only grow wider and more carefree. As much as she wished she could smile along with her and pretend that their future was bright, a tired frustration was mounting inside of her.  

There was no way Lena was ready to blindly trust that the future was optimistic when all past evidence told her that her life rarely went such a way. But, it was getting late in the evening and she certainly didn’t want to start an argument about this with her girlfriend now, especially knowing it would likely be unproductive considering Kara’s adamant idealism. She had suspicion that Kara could tell she wasn’t quite satiated with the logic Kara laid out for her, but it seemed her girlfriend was hoping that her own confidence would rub off on Lena if she wore it loud enough.

As exhausted as she was at the end of it all, Lena gathered the energy to put a smile on her face, deciding it was best to let the conversation go for now. Kara was clearly over the moon about it and Lena wasn’t about to tear her down after the way Alex had received the news. It may not have been the ideal choice, but Lena decided that it would be better for everyone if she boxed away her feelings, at least for the time being. There were still a few months before Kara would be off, plenty of time to work things out, or so Lena desperately hoped.

 

 Eventually, Kara must have interpreted her half-smile and empty silence as a sign that the conversation was over, as she stood from the couch and subsequently convinced Lena to stay the night, not that it took much at all to make her stay. Some part of her felt a need to stay just to soak in the proximity of her girlfriend now that a looming timer seemed to be placed on their time together.

Jeans were dragged off, bras tossed aside in favor of loose t-shirts and baggy joggers for bed. The clothes were cold as she tugged them on her body, not bringing the usual comfort that was brought by being surrounded by all things Kara.

As unpleasant as the coolness was against her skin, Lena took her time pulling them on her body, hoping that maybe if she slowed herself down, it would slow down time and prolong every second she had left before some big unknown became her knew normal.

 Kara pulled her down under the covers and wrapped an arm around Lena’s waist, chuckling softly when Lena wound her limbs tightly around Kara’s body, plastering herself to her girlfriend’s frame. The show of affection may have been amusing to her girlfriend, but Lena felt as if she was clinging to a lifeline in the dark of the room, going over Kara’s words in her head to try and calm herself down.

‘ _I know this can work.’ ‘You’re too important to let go.’ ‘Trust me, Baby.”_

_'I know this can work’_

_‘You’re too important to let go.'_

_‘Trust me, baby.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. okay. I know it's not looking great for them, but I promise the ending will be happy. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always I love to hear from you all in any form!
> 
> The next chapter is the one I've really been hyped for so I hope you stick around :)


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